Shy 2 year old - comments

[Namechangedforre]

Wondering if anyone has some advice or tips. My DD is absolutely adorable. At home and in environments she knows (eg her playgroup and classes) she is chatty and giggly and a lot of fun. However, when we go into new environments eg holidays or peoples house or shops - she totally changes. She goes really shy and often pulls on my leg and will look very upset and not speak to anyone. I guess she goes very shy. We are currently on holiday and all of the lovely staff keep trying to play with her or smile or ask her for a high five etc and she will just hide or look sad. I have tried encouraging her but she is just really shy.

It’s night two and a few people have made comments about how she is “stroppy” or “always tired” or “totally silent” or
”wow so quiet so weird’” it’s really upsetting me. I explain that she is just shy and to give her time but of course cannot say that to every person!

Is her behaviour normal? People just expect kids to be all animated and bubbly. She is not. Yes she is quiet and shy around new people but that doesn’t make her weird.

I am getting myself quite sad.

@Namechangedforre I think you are taking the opinions of others too seriously. Just arm yourself with a phrase and get them to leave her alone. Most dc work out who they are comfortable with and you support thst.

I cannot say I met many people on holiday who expected dc to perform. I guess it depends where you go but we just hired houses and organised our own entertainment. Holidays didn’t involve other adults until dc were ready for holiday clubs. So perhaps think how to avoid people if it spoils the holiday?

Stop apologising for her and stop making excuses for who she is. If someone accosted you and your husband/friend/mother and then said you were “stroppy” how would you feel if they said you were tired or shy? Your daughter isn’t there to entertain strangers.

That’s a bit mean tbh.

Thank you ❤️

Well eventually dc do need confidence or life gets harder than it should be but confidence grows with age and she’s fine at 2. I just think you have to develop a thick skin and ignore others. Or try and avoid such people.

She's 2?! Totally normal
My DS is shy and only really came out of his shell last year, aged 4.
He's still reserved, but at least now he'll respond and smile when people take to him.

Some kids have no boundaries, some are confident extroverts, some dislike strangers. All normal.

If I could go back in time, I'd not have worried so much about his shyness and not have tried to force/encourage him to interact with strangers when he didn't want to.

She's not much more than a baby, honestly some people have such strange ideas about tiny kids. Nothing wrong with being shy at all, it's not some sort of curse that you have to overcome. Honestly only extroverts think it's an issue. Your personality is your personality and if you're shy then you're shy. I still am at 50 and nothing is going to change it even if I wanted to which i really don't. Let her embrace being an introvert if that is what she turns out to be and don't let others make her feel it's something wrong.

Hahaha this makes me laugh out loud!! Brilliant response. My 2 year old daughter is very similar also. I just say oh don't worry she gives everyone the death stare until she gets to know them 🤣 just make a joke and move on. It's really none of their business and forcing her to join in or engage is just going to make it worse!

>" wow so quiet so weird"

Justifies only one response:

"Wow so rude so weird"

Just tell them to fuck off. They are being rude so be rude back, they started it.

People are just so rude. My now 4.5 year old was like this, so unsure and cautious in new company and in surroundings/social situations he wasn't used to. The amount of comments we used to hear that were so upsetting. It never fails to amaze me the way people expect so much from children who are just trying to navigate their way through the world and understand their feelings, etc. Easier said than done, but just try to let it over your head and let your lo just be herself. It will all pass with time.

Thank you so much for this and understanding how the comments are so irritating and often.

And thank you to everyone for replying. You’ve given me some great comments and reassured me that this is normal behaviour. I guess the other 2 year olds I know are just more sociable and chatty with strangers so it’s reassuring to hear others were similar to my DD.

i used one of the comments this morning when someone said how shy she was, I said “she doesn’t know you and probably doesn’t like you” and that shut them up!!

And so true about expectations. People expect just so much. Would we like it if every person tried to make us laugh and clicked their fingers and came close to us?! Hell no. So why would a tiny soul who is just adjusting to the big world!

😂😂😂!

You sound like a lovely lady ❤️

I was shy introverted reserved child and my 1st DS is the same. I don't care what propoe say. Every human is different. So what?
Do you complain about Adults temprements and personality. No. Everyone is who they are.
I ignore comments and let my DC interact as much ir as little as they want. I don't feel anything about it but annoyed when people state the obvious.
I would rather a shy reserved child on public who behaves then having to deal with the opposite.

She needs to be allowed to be herself - she is fine in settings she knows and with people she knows. She will gradually expand that as she develops. She is only 2.

OP I'll add my voice to those who have had very shy kids. My eldest found it incredibly tough. Lovely and chatty and bubbly when he knew people well, brilliant at nursery, but getting to know them well enough was a mission.

I don't think I ever really made excuses for him - I did a lot of "he doesn't do strangers" but not in apologetic way, if you see what I mean? He was just himself, and himself didn't chat to people he didn't know.

A switch seemed to flip when he was about 8 and it all got much much easier. He's 13 now, still pretty reserved and doesn't do small talk easily. But he gives tours at his school open day, is involved in lots of theatre and music stuff, is in a band, and was one of the leads in his Y6 play a few years ago. Teachers seem to love him, he's got a great group of friends and yesterday he came out for a coffee with me and one of my friends and was happily joining in the chat.

Keep snapping back at the bastards. Your child isn't there to validate them.

Exactly this! They seem offended/annoyed! It’s bizarre isn’t it!

@Namechangedforre Why are you around such negative people so much? My DD2 was shy in new situations and it took ages for her to be reassured but I didn’t have constant comments. Why other people care enough to comment is odd. I’d honestly recommend doing your own thing a bit more. She’s ok where she needs to be ok. My DD never did settle at one nursery and was very upset every day, so we changed nurseries. She was not labelled though and the new nursery suited her temperament. So you find what suits dc and you. I’m wondering why you meet so many people who comment. It’s a bit odd. Do you go on group holidays or holidays requiring participation? These situations can be avoided and I’d consider where to go with self preservation in mind!

What a lovely mummy you are and what a sweet young man your boy is! I like that comment of not doing strangers, that way it’s less apologetic. I am just so baffled how common these weird comments are (as many others have had them too!)

I don’t understand this obsession we have as a society of forcing introverts to be extroverts. It’s like extroversion is held as the gold standard, and anyone a little more reserved and considered in their thoughts and actions is odd. We all know someone a bit quiet, who doesn’t say much, but when they do it’s something really well thought out or a really wise observation. I respect those people so much more than the absolute in your face, say exactly what they think without caring or considering others thoughts or feelings types. We all know one of those too and who do we prefer…!

As others have said you do not have to try to explain or justify who your daughter is to other people. You can encourage her absolutely, but never force her from her comfort zone. This is part of the reason so many people suffer with social anxiety, by permanently being made to feel like they are less-than for not wanting to act like a total random stranger’s best mate.

Keep being your daughter’s biggest supporter. She needs you to have her back as unfortunately people aren’t going to stop being in-your-face, rude AF a-holes anytime soon. And you need to stop letting their comments bother you. You can’t convince your daughter these people are wrong if you are internalising and giving these comments any life.

As this thread shows it’s not only me receiving comments, many others have too!

This is so so true. I need more self confidence and to believe that what they are saying is ridiculous so that I can support her and not give their comments any validation. What a lovely post. Thank you!