Argument and I feel like I'm going mad

[Aliceisagooddog]

Please tell me who is being unreasonable in this scenario. Walking with DH, he is holding DSs (6) hand. DS keeps tripping up and eventually falls down. DH gets angry and shouts at DS. I catch up and say that DS doesn't normally trip like this with me ( he used to when younger). DH explodes and says 'are you saying it's my fault'? Very angry. When I try and explain that I'm just stating a fact, not blaming anyone he accuses me of gaslighting ( a favourite phrase of his). I was gobsmacked. Was I wrong in what I said?

Calling out someone's name isn't controlling.

REPEATEDLY calling out someone's name however, could be considered OTT. You were all walking out of a theatre, not a crumbling building with everyone screaming and panicking. I

f you both had phones then you are hardly like to lose each other are you?

Do you bicker a lot?

It was a bit unkind to say DS never trips with you - even if true, it's just not...helping. better to say 'maybe you were walking a bit too quickly with him?'

But the theatre thing, if I called my DH's name and he heard, he would immediately turn to see what I wanted. He just ignored you, then said you were gaslighting him?

Not on at all.

Why haven't you agreed in advance if you lose each other to wait by X exit? You shouting was embarrassing. My GC know that it's better to get out of the way, in the congested part, then wait.
He was too impatient with your six year old, though.

Yes it was a horrible response to his tripping.

You sound like you bicker a lot.

The Theatre thing sounds really over the top.

You are leaving just wait by the entrance

This!

My DGS is 7 and I can't imagine shouting at him if he fell over - poor kid.

So you were blaming your DH for your DS falling over. And the gas lighting claim sounds accurate.

I wonder if DH felt DS was mucking around? Not saying that's a reason to shout, but it's often the response on here to say "well, if you weren't messing around it wouldn't happened" or similar.

But you wouldn't get lost. You are either heading to the seats so will sit together or heading to the exit in which case you meet at the exit.

I'd be cross if someone was yelling my name really loud in public as if I'd done something wrong when they could just wait until we got to the destination to meet up. It was a theatre. You weren't going to get lost if separated.

He shouldn't have blown up at you but 'he doesn't do that with me' would get my back up a bit. But he is unreasonable to shout at either you or your DS so he doesn't sound like a pleasant man

And never seen each other again?

This feels so petty but I sense there's a deeper communication problem.

If I was feeling a bit stroppy ( he sounded stroppy during walk with DS), then someone saying ' he doesn't do it with me' would really piss me off.

Best thing to say is - DH can you please stop having a go at him like that. Shall I walk with him?

Then I'd be saying - what's up? You seem really annoyed.

The shouting in the theatre. It depends. I have a sibling that is genuinely an abusive gaslighter. He would consistently speak to me like an idiot, shout all the time and belittle. I had to cut him off. You need to just check you aren't doing this. If you were a guy you'd be getting ripped a new one. I can't tell enough from here. Tone and intent are everything and we can't read that from this.

It's a théâtre not thé Kalahari.

You sound annoying and controlling. Think before you speak?

This used to happen a lot with my ex and DS2 as he used to pull him along super fast. He has a scar on his nose from when he fell once on the way to school.

I think he is using the word “gaslighting” wrong.

Likely what he means is, you’re deliberately making me feel X way and then downplaying it/feigning disbelief at his reaction.

So in the theatre, you’re deliberately being OTT/controlling/embarrassing, then when he gets annoyed at being shouted at in public, you’re like “what an earth do you mean?”

With your child, you’ve made an unkind thoughtless and frankly pointless comment (“oh he never trips with me”), as if trying to wind him up. Then when he acts wound up, you are again acting all innocent like he is overreacting.

It’s not what the phrase gaslighting actually means, but what you’re doing is close enough to behaviour that’s commonly described as gaslighting that I get what he means.

Shouting at your child is not good behaviour from him, but we all lose our temper at times. I am curious why you talk to your husband that way.

Probably as he was dragging him along walking at too fast a pace. My ex used to do that with DS2 and now as an adult he still bears the scar on bis nose. OP stating it doesn’t happen with her is accurate, as she probably walks at his pace. How is that gas lighting? Truth might hurt, but she is stating a fact and he can’t take it, so tries to turn it back on her.

You do sound annoying.
The first instance sounds like you are blaming your oh.
Second instance, he was taking care of a child and exiting the theatre, just meet them outside. It's not like they were going far.
It all sounds a bit dramatic.

Then she should have acknowledged that she was blaming him - not the faux naivety that she was 'just stating a fact'.

I agree with your husband, you’ve said it’s his fault. It’s pointless trying to deny that really, that’s how I would have taken it as well.

I also wouldn’t appreciate my husband shouting my name in the theatre when leaving, it’s really not the end of the world to get briefly separated and meeting back up outside.

You realise this reply confirms what the husband is saying don’t you?😂 OP is denying that she was saying it was his fault, she blatantly was, you agree that she was, so her denying that’s what she was doing IS the problem.

Both of your examples would have annoyed me so I am with your DH

It's not a conversation to have in front of a 6yo though - OP should have brought it up afterwards if she felt it was an issue.

Yes sorry he tripped because he was being pulled along very fast

so why is the OP being berated as this is clearly awful behaviour lol

I wonder if you Dh was walking so fast it caused ds to trip up? To get angry and shout when a child has already fallen is unkind and uncalled for.

You are not being unreasonable to question Dhs actions.

Too many parents turn a blind eye to this sort of thing, you stuck up for your child and your DH should know better. Well done you.