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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fortnums Hamper

87 replies

festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:12

My husband is the Director of a small family run business (it's not his business, he's an employee too) and he works a lot of hours. Weekends, holidays, evenings etc. Every year at this time of year he gets gifts from various people, some are gifts for the business and some are for him. He then chooses to share these out amongst all the staff equally.

AIBU to be really annoyed that the top dollar Fortnums Hamper that he was personally gifted for a huge amount of work he did as an individual, he split up into individual items so that everyone in the business got some of it? It required a lot of time away from our home and family, and didn't affect anyone else in the business. He then left the empty hamper itself in the office as he didn't consider it of any value.

OP posts:
stonebrambleboy · 20/12/2024 23:14

I"d be fuming.

Original poster
festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:16

Oh phew! I thought I was being totally unreasonable - it was £365 worth of goodies

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 20/12/2024 23:16

Unless I was going hungry at Christmas I'd be fairly chilled out about this and trust him to navigate workplace politics. Hamper would be useful though.

TreadLight · 20/12/2024 23:16

I don’t bring any gifts from work home, they all get shared out among the teams I work with. I fully get your husband’s position.

sloecat · 20/12/2024 23:16

It sounds a decent thing to do.

steff13 · 20/12/2024 23:17

I wouldn't care.

Sickofitalltonight · 20/12/2024 23:19

It's a good thing to do. I, and my colleagues, always share gifts like that.

Your posts suggests that you think that your are entitled to it, but it's your DH's to do with whatever he likes.

Feelingstrange2 · 20/12/2024 23:19

It says a lot about the type of manager he is. He will be "repaid" 10x over in the future when he needs someone to go that extra mile for him.

Good on him.

Original poster
festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:20

@Feelingstrange2 yes he's a good guy

OP posts:
Poppyseeds79 · 20/12/2024 23:20

If everyone was aware of the hamper then it probably would have caused a little grumbling from other staff that it wasn't shared out. Sharing it out was a nice thing for him to do and probably earned him extra 'good boss points'.

Essentially it was a free gift anyways, regardless of the value.

NewZealandintherain · 20/12/2024 23:21

What a nice man he is. I’d be secretly a bit annoyed to be missing out, but proud he’d done it. It’s the right thing to do.

lucya66 · 20/12/2024 23:21

I think colleagues have more precedence over you, tbh. He can make the call.

growlum · 20/12/2024 23:21

It’s his gift, he can do as he chooses with it.
He was not being unreasonable to share it out, and you are not unreasonable to be disappointed. It’s just one of those things.

HairyToity · 20/12/2024 23:22

When I worked in private practice we'd share gifts... Never got a Fortnum hamper though. Such a gift might have been a RICS code of conduct issue.

I wouldn't object if similar happened with DH. Life's too short to get worked up by it.

toastandtwo · 20/12/2024 23:23

I’d be sad to miss out on delicious goodies and pleased that I was married to a decent man. I love hearing from people that work with my husband that he’s a kind manager.

Original poster
festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:23

Sickofitalltonight · 20/12/2024 23:19

It's a good thing to do. I, and my colleagues, always share gifts like that.

Your posts suggests that you think that your are entitled to it, but it's your DH's to do with whatever he likes.

Haha yes you are right - it's because he couldn't do what he does without me holding down the fort at home/putting my own career on hold. So I do feel entitled for all those nights away looking after the children solo etc.

OP posts:
Crispynoodle · 20/12/2024 23:24

Your hubby is genuinely a very nice man. This alone is worth so much more than a fortnum hamper

Original poster
festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:24

Crispynoodle · 20/12/2024 23:24

Your hubby is genuinely a very nice man. This alone is worth so much more than a fortnum hamper

Haha yes you're right - I needed to hear this. Thank you

OP posts:
natwalesrug · 20/12/2024 23:27

Just be glad that your husband is not a greedy person and appreciates his staff!

Poppyseeds79 · 20/12/2024 23:28

If the empty hamper is still there can he not bring it home? I mean they are nice even when not full of biscuits and wine 😁

Radishknot · 20/12/2024 23:28

Sounds like the hamper is not the real issue!

Businessflake · 20/12/2024 23:29

festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:23

Haha yes you are right - it's because he couldn't do what he does without me holding down the fort at home/putting my own career on hold. So I do feel entitled for all those nights away looking after the children solo etc.

Show quote history

That’s the decision you have made as a family. Nothing to do with his work colleagues.

KittensSchmittens · 20/12/2024 23:29

I'd be proud to be married to a good and generous man.

EauNeu · 20/12/2024 23:29

He's played a blinder here and this will be remembered when he next needs a favour from the staff. Good move on his behalf. Hopefully he has got you something fab for Xmas for all your support

MissSookieStackhouse · 20/12/2024 23:30

He sounds like an excellent boss and his staff will really appreciate the gesture. Having the good will of his employees will benefit him (and you indirectly by him being less stressed) much more than bringing home a few jars of over priced jams and chutneys!