Fortnums Hamper

[festivegripe]

My husband is the Director of a small family run business (it's not his business, he's an employee too) and he works a lot of hours. Weekends, holidays, evenings etc. Every year at this time of year he gets gifts from various people, some are gifts for the business and some are for him. He then chooses to share these out amongst all the staff equally.

AIBU to be really annoyed that the top dollar Fortnums Hamper that he was personally gifted for a huge amount of work he did as an individual, he split up into individual items so that everyone in the business got some of it? It required a lot of time away from our home and family, and didn't affect anyone else in the business. He then left the empty hamper itself in the office as he didn't consider it of any value.

Under our anti-bribery policies at work, I'd have to share a gift of that value with colleagues.

He sounds like a compassionate, leader full of wisdom.
As others have said his team will likely pay this forward in spades.
He did exactly the right thing. Good for him.

This says enough.
If the empty hamper is still there, ask him to bring that home.

I think if I'm being honest OP I'd feel the same as (I think) you do.

Which is: bloody hell, I'm at home holding the fort, the work you did on X project had a significant impact on me/our family and as part of our family team, I 'took the hit' for that which meant me putting in a ton of extra work on the family to accommodate your career whilst mine is on hold. Which is fine, and par for the course in our family set up. But now you've had a lovely expensive treat sent your way as a result of this AND YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT TO SHARE IT WITH ME? YOU FUCKER!

I mean yep, he's clearly a decent chap and a nice manager.

I hope he values you as part of his home team and the contribution you're making to your family, as much as he clearly values his work team.

You've hit the nail on the head - thank you - that's exactly it! I will be over it tomorrow - just needed a bit of a vent this evening

Why not just get a hamper for yourselves? I polished off some truffles tonight out of mine.

Don't see why you are entitled to it tbh. Conflating the issues

He's a good guy.

I mean, I'd be gutted but I would know it was the right thing to do.

What a lovely fella.

Although, I'd want the actual hamper so tell him to bring it home 😂

@festivegripe I don't blame you... I hope he's got you a nice present under the tree!

Others also make a valid point, his company may well have rules about accepting gifts over a certain value that also mean he needed to distribute things rather than take them home. Lots do, especially financial services and the like.

As some previous posters suggested though. Potentially it might have got him in trouble to just keep a high value gift for himself though (perceived bribe/kick back). Which wouldn't have been worth it in the long run.

Empty F&M hampers sell for loads so definitely get it back.

I totally get how you feel but wouldn’t stew over it. You see it as a big sign of his priorities, he thinks it’s a pile of comestibles.

Make sure he’s aware of the burden you feel his job is on the family if you think he isn’t.

typo

This.

I’ve just been sent a gorgeous hamper as a surprise by a family member, I’m sorry you didn’t get to experience the same excitement OP.

I think it’s less likely that a small family company would.

OP I seem to be in the minority but I agree with the pp who used caps, I see where you are coming from. It's fine for your DH to share the hamper, but he should bloody well have picked out a few choice items for you.

Odd that so few ppl here see the issue. It's feminism 101 that the salary one half of a couple is able to earn thanks to their partner doing all the unpaid care work has really been earned by both of them. Surely that argument extends to recognition in kind like this hamper?

But him being a decent bloke does matter more. I'd voice my frustration, good-humouredly, and expect something fancy for Christmas.

I think the key here is that it was gifted to him. If it had been gifted to you as a couple, then you would have a right to be upset, but as it is, I think YABU

Definitely get the actual hamper. He's a good soul to work alongside. Hope you get a lovely Christmas gift. Or maybe tell him you'd love a F&M hamper 🥳

Perhaps you could book yourselves a nice celebratory break away (when you are an adult, sometimes nobody else notices your achievements and you have award them to yourself!)
Also don't put your career on hold - it's making you resentful already.

It's feminism 101 that the salary one half of a couple is able to earn thanks to their partner doing all the unpaid care work has really been earned by both of them. Surely that argument extends to recognition in kind like this hamper?

This is just bollocks. Most women who stay at home and look after kids do it because they don't want to work. If they had a decent career then they could easily pay for childcare and a cleaner.

Personally, I think it's a bit of cheek when women don't work and then try to claim that have contributed equally to their partners success! Definitely not feminism!

Plus, what about SAHM where the partner works long hours but earns minimum wage? Is their childcare/cleaning contribution worth less?

The true spirit of Christmas on display. Your DH should be applauded. It's called being a leader. Poor little wife didn't get any truffles and a whicker basket with letters on it. Dear God. 🙄

Every time I got hampers, cases of wine or other gifts at work I just distributed to my team. It would never have occurred to me to keep them to myself. It’s want all the directes and senior managers did. Anyone who just kept it to themselves would certainly have been judged by their opera, never mind their team!

It's called life. Get over the hamper and stop barating him for sharing HIS gift. You're embarrassing yourself.

You sound really entitled. Why don't you use your own money and buy yourself one?

You are being incredibly unreasonable.

It's completely natural that he would share it with the people he works with. If my manager at work was gifted a massive hamper by a client and took it all for himself, I would instantly lose all respect for him.

YABU. You holding down the fort has nothing to do with work, that’s your personal fort of your own making. Your DH should be thanking you for doing that but the client’s thank you gift has nothing to do with you. There was likely just as much “holding down the fort” amongst his team on other work which allowed him to focus on this one client. Your DH did the right thing.

I'd be disappointed but also really pleased that my husband is kind and considerate, it really was a lovely thing to do (just get him to pop back and bring the hamper basket back home)