Fortnums Hamper

[festivegripe]

My husband is the Director of a small family run business (it's not his business, he's an employee too) and he works a lot of hours. Weekends, holidays, evenings etc. Every year at this time of year he gets gifts from various people, some are gifts for the business and some are for him. He then chooses to share these out amongst all the staff equally.

AIBU to be really annoyed that the top dollar Fortnums Hamper that he was personally gifted for a huge amount of work he did as an individual, he split up into individual items so that everyone in the business got some of it? It required a lot of time away from our home and family, and didn't affect anyone else in the business. He then left the empty hamper itself in the office as he didn't consider it of any value.

That’s lovely of him and shows his excellent character. Be grateful he’s generous not mean. Much better for you!

OP, he is so lovely to do that.

I received a similar value hamper from F&M a few years ago for a huge project I did well on. It was really awkward in the office and I was overwhelmed but didn't want to share anything as I wanted to save it for my children. I did share a few things eventually but I wish I had shared more and been more graceful about it like your DH. I really regret it and still beat myself up over it. I bought them a round of drinks later as a subtle way of saying sorry for being a selfish cow which is really not like me. Thankfully they are lovely and didn't seem too bothered because they are the best colleagues!

Anyway point being I think your DH absolutely did the right thing IMO, apart from not bringing the basket home.

He sounds a lovely decent man and boss

Yeah, I’d also be annoyed, annoyed with him but also annoyed with myself for wanting the bloody hamper even though I knew that I should just be grateful for having such a thoughtful husband

He sounds like a really decent person. You should be proud of him OP. I would still want him to retrieve the empty hamper though. We have several at home and the actual hamper is the best bit.

How lucky are you to be married to such a generous caring guy? Most of it would have been pretentious, overpriced and unnecessary anyway. Plus, you've said he always shares.

Let it go. It was a gift received through work. He normally shares such gifts with his team and that will create good favour amongst them. His duty to you is to get you a different nice gift for all you do to enable this in your shared family life.

I'd be quite proud of his actions. It is a decent thing to do and shows he values his team.

Hopefully you will still get a nice Christmas present.

It was a wonderful of your husband to share the F&M hamper. Many moons ago I use to work for the section of a major UK bank that kitted out the branches from waste bins to counter security screens. The stuff (especially booze) that was delivered over Xmas was unbelievable and was shared by all section staff, and was told the 'good' stuff was actually sent to direct to section head's home. Well done your hubby! 👏

What a bunch of bitter nonsense. 🙄

Its been the standard everywhere I work to share Christmas gifts, its to make sure everyone in the company is acknowledged. A director pocketing a whole hamper is a really bad look, he would have lost a lot of respect if anyone found out.

Why don't you communicate to him you would like a F&M hamper next year so he can buy you one?

He is astute. He worked out that sharing this gift would give him numerous benefits at work. Taking it home for his wife would have been nice for you but would have possibly caused a degree of resentment at work. Despite the fact he works long hours he is no doubt well aware that he couldn't do it without a team of people supporting him that get very little in the way of expensive gifts.

This is the decent thing to do with corporate gifts. In my job they all get given to HR and raffled off. I got one this year for the first time ever but I knew I couldn't keep it myself.
Your husband did the right thing

I've worked for many bosses who would take any gifts home and a few who would share...the sharers were genuinely the nice ones.

I'd be more annoyed that he left the empty hamper behind!

Notwithstanding your DHs obviously generous and decent spirit, It would be a terrible look for him to load a big F&M hamper into the boot of his car, and not share it out. How unclassy would that be.

you should be proud of him knowing how to behave.

If you don't want to put your career on hold then go back to work and he'll have to work around childcare.

He probably couldn't have done the trip away and that project without support of others in his team at work; he recognises just because he is the 'face' of certain things, it takes the team to make it work.

I think this sums up how I'd be feeling too!
Yes, he's clearly a nice manager and it's lovely that he shared the hamper around but I sincerely hope he understands and appreciates all you do behind the scenes.

But his colleagues did work for it didn't they. They weren't client facing but I'm practically every professional area I can think of there is a mountain of support staff helping out on projects like this.
Or, where they aren't directly, picking up the slack.
The hamper was sent to your husband for the role he plays at the office. With that in mind it's appropriate that he shares with colleagues.
The whole "I'm a SAHM so I pick up the slack" narrative is just tired. If that troubles you, go back to work and pay for childcare.

As a senior leader in a SME business we always share the gifts we receive even if these are sent to an individual. All gifts are shared amongst the staff below manager level. It shows good leadership.

To add, the employees are more worthy of the gifts than the spouses of senior people in the business.YABU.

He sounds like a lovely man.

Just buy yourself some nice foodie bits from M&S to make up for it and move on

I understand why you are a bit irritated - I would love a hamper like that. But I think he did the right thing and sounds like a good guy who I’d like to work with. I hope he appreciates the person behind the scenes allowing him to focus on his work.

Can’t he pop into work and pick up the basket for you?
DH gets a couple of hampers every year. He moans that the house looks like a basket shop since imo they’re the best bit. I wouldn’t get too upset about some chutney and some odd flavoured tea.

I think that is the correct thing for your husband to do. My BIL worked in a position at a company where he was likely to be given lots of gifts. It was company policy that any gifts received went into a pool and were shared out among all the employees