To not let my sister bring her own meat on Christmas day!

[FelizNavidadAmiga]

First off, we are a strictly vegan household for moral reasons. I invited my sister for Christmas lunch as she is recently divorced and has nowhere else to go. I usually put on a magnificent spread with roast vegetables, tagine, stuffed peppers, vine leaves, falafel, home made hummus etc. My sister has just sent me a message saying she's going to bring her own chicken to cook. AIBU to say no way! I don't want chicken cooking in my nice clean vegan oven! Plus the smell makes me feel ill 🤢 I don't want to upset her as she's very sensitive at the moment but surely she can do without chicken for 1 day.

Actually, I think the parallel remains the same. If Jewish people came to my home I would not serve food they couldn't eat. Being a meat eater does not mean I can't eat a plant based diet, vegan or vegetarian.

I don't like okra or wheat. Okra I dislike, wheat I am intolerant to. I would hope a host would respect that.

Really, are you new to MN?

YANBU. We have a no meat house as well. We did stop doing a shared Christmas with sister in law as it wasn’t fair for her family to come here and not have meat and I didn’t like sitting at there’s with a turkey on the table.
I wouldn’t offer meat to anyone I invited and would not even have room in my oven for it. Couldn’t imagine having meat in my oven with all my veggies either. I’m sure she will survive one meal without chicken!
We do Boxing Day meet up now where we offer vegan food and go to sister in laws and she kindly makes us a vegan alternative to there meat one.

@FelizNavidadAmiga You are absolutely not unreasonable.
Of COURSE you don't want meat polluting your oven.

I'm not vegan, but absolutely know that when I visit son and his partner, that there won't be milk there, just oat milk! - so I bring coffee mate for my coffee which they don't mind.

{I checked first}.

I have been lucky enough to have had a vegan Christmas Dinner twice...and have been invited for another.. It was gorgeous.

There was something about RSPCA and Chris Packham on radio today, he has stepped down as he is upset about the welfare standards of ''RSPCA assured standards'' on farms.

A Butcher locally says the most humane meat is venison, Deer killed by a skilled marksman while living free.
None of the awful transporting of live animals to slaughter which is so unacceptable to many.

Could you not bbq it outside then set her up a table and chair there too?

Just say that you can't handle the smell, and that you would have to get the oven professionally cleaned after. She can bring it already cooked, if you are okay with that...

I think it's the combination of vegan and Middle Eastern that's off-putting for me and perhaps your sister too. I'm traditional and like a Christmas dinner so a vegan alternative to the meat would work alongside all the usual veg and trimmings. The first year I went to my in laws I brought along a Christmas pudding as it just didn't feel like Christmas without one.

I have little pots of coffee mate at both my DCs homes, as they are both vegans (and their partners!) So there's no 'cows' milk in the house.

I have to admit though, whilst the vegan meals they have made for me and DH are decent enough, I wouldn't say we have enjoyed them. They were OK, and not awful, but we wouldn't choose to have it ourselves. We have found some of them a bit bland. (Some have been a bit tastier.)

We went to a wedding in the summer that was all vegan food/vegan dishes, and to be honest, bits of it were OK, but some of it was tasteless and bland. I suspect people will rush on here and tell me I'm 'wrong' LOL, and that vegan food is indeed very tasty and scrumptious, but in my experience it's always been rather average. Maybe some people manage to make their vegan dishes super tasty, but most vegan dishes I have had have been average. (And some just plain bland.)

JMO based on my own experiences. Don't come at me. 😆

.

Surely it is only polite to refrain from eating animal products if you are eating with someone who is vegan. Even in a restaurant I would not eat meat or dairy if I was with someone who was vegan because I wouldn't want to put them off their food. Surely everybody does this. (PS I am not vegan myself).

Your meal looks lovely.

I think she will bring the chicken anyway. I doubt she understands or cares about your vegetarianism. I'm with you on food

I agree. It would seem that some mumsnetters have quite small worlds when it comes to food.

I agree with others who say that the menu, although I'm sure very nice, doesn't feel very celebratory. The dishes are pretty standard, although of course am sure will taste good.

I will eat anything but have preferences, and good vegan recipes tend to compensate for lack of depth of flavour with complicated spicing, which doesn't appeal. There also seems to be a lack of textural contrast. I've never enjoyed falafel- not for want of trying!

The huge variety of roast veg described by a pp sounds on the other hand, divine!

Could you cook an extra dish op as a centrepiece? Claudia Rodin is a good shout as is Ottolenghi.

Failing that, let her bring some slices of roast chicken and warm them in the microwave. It's very nice with hummus, and the roast / stuffed veg will also go ok.

If I were the sister, I'd make other arrangements, especially as I'm actually allergic to a great many vegetables, so for me to be expected to forego my meat for something totally unacceptable to me/my diet would be totally unacceptable.

@Harmonypus I guarantee you're not allergic to everything that isn't meat. If you mean you have MCAS or oral allergy syndrome, those are very common issues and quite manageable.

I wouldn’t refrain from eating meat or dairy in a restaurant when eating with a vegan. If I’m eating out I’m eating what I want from the restaurant I’m at, not thinking about someone else’s dietary choices.

Only exception is if a vegan is picking up the bill - obviously I wouldn’t expect them to pay for something that goes against their ethics.

My son cooked me a lovely roast dinner (pre Christmas visit) last week. A variation on a nut roast.
He is a strict vegetarian and won't allow anything non vegetarian, to eat, in the house.
My DGS thinks I'm vegetarian because he's never seen me eat meat because I respect his parents' choices.
However, when they go to other relatives houses they do not expect them to comply with their lifestyle choice. Your DSis needs to leave the chicken at home!

I don’t think ME food is “out there”, I just don’t like much of it and I’ve tried a lot of different stuff. Maybe it’s some of the spices I don’t like. 🤷‍♀️. I do like hummus, and I like lamb shawarma. I don’t mind a pita type sandwich .

its my least favourite cuisine but that doesn’t make me have a small world when it comes to food and I hate that sort of unwarranted sneering superiority.

i love Thai food, Japanese, Indian, Mexican, East African, Korean, Vietnamese, Eastern European………it is ok you know to have a particular cuisine that you’re not keen on.

So what did you decide /tell sister op?

If someone invited you around for a curry, would you say, “I’ll come over, but I shan’t be eating that - make me pasta instead”? Or would you see that as the rudeness it is?

If a guest said to me “I’d love to come, but I really don’t like curry unfortunately- is it ok if I bring some pasta to heat up?” I wouldn’t see it as rude at all. I’d probably offer to change the menu entirely but if for some reason I had to serve curry, I’d be very happy for her to bring her own food. I would far rather that than her pretending to like curry when she really doesn’t. And I’d far, far rather that than her refuse the invitation altogether because she doesn’t like the food on offer.

Dd is dairy free. If we are invited for a curry she is happy with just rice, salad, poppadums etc. same for me if it contains meat.

we don’t make a big thing about it. There’s usually something we can eat. If there isn’t, it’s no big deal and we’ll wait til we get home or stop on the way.

i don’t really understand how people can be so rigid, especially about meat. It’s one meal, go try it. If you don’t like it you won’t starve to death by missing one meal.

OP- i was born in late 1984 and can’t family had/have been vegan since late 70s so it’s all i knew! Choices were so hard to find then in fact there were hardly any choices to start off with BUT even back then Xmas day dinner would be
roast vegetables, fluffy home made yorkshire puddings, fluffy big roast potatoes, red spicy cabbage, bread sauce, cranberry, horseradish, and a HUGE home made Wellington Nut Roast (mixture of the most delicious nuts known to man!) lots of thick gravy! Starters would be homemade carrot , butternut squash and veg soup wit rolls and vitalte

You’re food sounds AMAZING but not as Christmassy or wholesome or sufficient (not to mention co be cheap as less fussing ) as what I grew up having

Also ask sis if she’d be interested in a nut roast? or look online at the supermarkets- the linda mccartney pretend steak and kidney pies are to die for imo
, fake meat loaves , big plate of a fake chicken joint loaf where you help yourself, the list is endless

your spread sounds (from a vegan to another vegan friend ) GORGEOUS (if i knew iu id cheeky ask y it to text me recipes!) but i agree with others here that it’s not the most christmassy .. although it’s YOUR choice and I do think your sister should go one day without her meat
(casper i’m a bit soft i probably would let her bring cooked chicken/cheeses/meats .. id put a load o real posh m and s disposable xmas plates just chuck her plates in the bin after dinner

good luck an DO NOT let her guilt trip or bully you op x

Same, I can't stand tagine, hummus, cous cous etc... its like insufferably bland to me (and I have had them traditional made in Africa etc... not just bad local made stuff but I just don't like it) but I love food from all over other parts of the world with Mexican, Japanese and Italian being my favorites.

I'm not uncultured or small minded I just HATE bloody stuffed peppers and tagine etc... because its unplesently dull and upsets my stomach acid without being 'worth it'.

If someone invited me for a curry - they wouldn't because everyone who cares about me knows I don't eat curry - then I'd say "sorry, I don't eat curry, maybe we could get a takeaway together and save you cooking?"

Insisting someone eats something you know they don't want to eat is being a supreme tit!!

You absolutely are, because you are insisting that the OP can only eat vegan food. That's shit, it's a lifestyle choice.

You point out all you want. You're still wrong.