Do I cancel? I’m in a flood of tears

[dustofastar]

Meeting three friends for dinner, one of them has fallen out with me but I thought things were now ok.

She’s arranged to meet the other two before our meeting place. I feel like just saying I’m too ill to go out.

How did you get on OP, did that particular ‘friend’ try and make things awkward for you at the dinner

I don't get how this scenario arises. You'd fallen out with one of the people, thought you'd made up ,but on a group chat, she says something like "I'll meet you two before the restaurant" and the other 2 don't query that? And you don't?

God, none of them are friends, you know. That's just wierd behaviour all round. Like a bunch of 12 year olds.

.

I feel there was more to this and we're missing a big drip feed.

So this 'friend ' specifically only asked the other two to meet earlier?

It's really not worth the drama. Go out with different friends, and if the other two want to stay in touch then they will. 8 billion people in this world, what's the point scrapping around because of one who you've already fallen out with?

I don't know if you did go, but honestly going forward I wouldn't. Either she's dragged them into it and they're not being good friends to you or they're too oblivious to see how rude that is.
I'm so pleased you have other, lovely friends to be with too.
Don't ditch them, just cool off contact. You're a grown woman not 10 you don't need to engage.
I'm sorry it hurts ❤️

If not too late, arrange to premeet the other two before the three of them meet, before the four of you meet

That’s just playing her own games back at her and stooping to her level, she will also know what your doing and not much will be achieved, I would really question whether those women are even worth bothering with, they probably aren’t, being part of bitchy groups really Dosen’t add anything to your life and I think you would find that your life is much better without them and your thinking time is freed up to focus on better things, Bitchy women are just a drain to associate with and don’t enrich your life in any way

When they go low you go high, dump them

Did you go?

Did you go?

Say that you are declining the preplanned outing since the remaining three have excluded you from their meeting, which is disloyal to you. If they explain that it was to sort out the disagreement then you should reconsider but only if they make you comfortable with their explanation.
anonymousat103

OP, I have been on the wrong side of a Queen Bee dynamic.

There's no fun in being where you're not wanted. If the other two allow it to happen then they're not really friends either.

I wonder if you went and how it played out?

Exactly? There’s nothing going on behind your back, op. You’re the one making a drama out of nothing.

I don’t really understand this situation and how it arose in a group chat. Also it’s not worth being in floods of tears over at all.

No. Don't say anything - Do nothing (As the Queen would say).Silence is the best response. Let her shoot all her arrows until her feet are full of holes and her quiver is empty - Then post pictures of your night out, to the group, with a massive shit-eating grin.

Shoulders back, tits forward.

I don’t understand. Has she specifically asked only them in the group chat? That would be awful if that’s the case.

Just go. Let her cancel if she wants to. These are your friends.

Great advice!

Turn up, treat everyone the same and show them all you are the better person.

Go. They might have something to say that you need to hear.. Or it might all be BS, if so, you know you're done with all and can move on. Or, by doing this your friend might just be showing her arse (mudslingers usually get more crap on themselves in pursuit of targeting others). Either way, you need to put your big girl pants on and find out, really no need for floods of tears. If it all goes tits-up it'll make a great story for your other friend group?

Normally I avoid social gatherings where there is toxic behaviours going on. I wouldn't care what others think, it's my life and if your in tears now, you'd be possibly angry, upset, overwhelmed after this cheerful fake evening, where you cannot be yourself. I wouldn't waste energy and peace of mind for people I don't go along with.
Others can think what they want. If they love me, they'll understand

Don’t cancel, the other two friends are your friends too. You don’t want to lose them because of this friend.

Because it sounds like they’re about 15

I'm reading this as the friend that you have fallen out with doesn't want to see you, so has arranged to meet the other two beforehand. They will then meet you later as planned. Why would you want to cancel? She's avoiding confrontation and your other friends will get to see both of you, albeit it at different times.