Do I cancel? I’m in a flood of tears

[dustofastar]

Meeting three friends for dinner, one of them has fallen out with me but I thought things were now ok.

She’s arranged to meet the other two before our meeting place. I feel like just saying I’m too ill to go out.

Why would they choose to go if it’s making op uncomfortable? One has to question whether they are worth keeping unless they are meeting her to improve the situation in some way.

I wouldn't go. Who wants to spend an evening in an atmosphere or being ignored?

This really. I don’t get how this was arranged in your group chat without you being invited

Don't cancel. It'll be fine, the other two friends are not the 'problem' friend and will just want to have a nice time.

I would directly ask why I wasn't invited along. Or if there seems to be some kind of misunderstanding...keep it light "oh right are we meeting earlier?"

I'd cancel. When I've been in floods of tears, my eyes go all puffy.

As hard as it is - I would definitely go - hopefully it will all be worked out and sorted. If you don’t go this scenario will hang over you xx

Your 2 other friends should have insisted you were invited to the meet up before the dinner.

If she put it on the group chat was the invite not open to you too?

@dustofastar the other two friends are just wimps then, being drawn into her web!!! how did you find out about the earlier meeting? can you just turn up there at the early time and see the look on her face????

Why does the message say then? “Shall we meet for drink before dinner? Not you, Dusto”. I can’t understand how she did it on a group message.

I don’t know if I’m missing something but if it’s on the group chat surely you are included?? If you like them, go; if you don’t, don’t. (They sound a bit shit as a friend group, from an outsiders view, to be honest, but only you know that) x

Generally people who are trying to exclude one person from a friendship group don’t post the deets of their secret assignations to a group chat including said person.

Is there more to this? For example, are you working until 6 and so not able to meet until then but everyone else is free at 5 so they’ve arranged to meet earlier before meeting you? Or do they all live at one side of town and you the other and so they’ve arranged to get a taxi together but will meet for a drink on a pub first? Either of these situations I would say are fine.

Obviously if you are free and available to meet them at the location and time they’re meeting without you but have been asked not to join them because they want some drinks together first then you are not being unreasonable. I can’t really imagine how they would have phrased this in a group chat though which makes me think the scenario must be more like one of the first ones?

If it's on the group chat, then surely it includes you too?

She's playing nasty bullying mind games with you. I'd go, and cut ties with her afterwards. Be prepared to stonewall bitchy comments.

How has the message been written ? Is it name, name shall we meet up before or is it generally how about we meet up before, not you?

Either way I'd say breezily, "great idea, see you there" ... or "oh, am I not invited to drinks then?! LOL".

Put them on the spot. But honestly, are they really friends?

Decent friends won’t make you feel shit. Do you need them op. It says more about her than you. She couldn’t walk in alone but is making you do just that.

this is perfect.

So on a group chat for all of you she literally said "Hey A & B, shall we meet in X place an hour before dinner. @dustofastar not you though, we'll see you later"?

It sounds as if you are all 14. Do grown women actually carry on like this? (I’m late 60s and have never encountered such silly behaviour in adulthood - floods of tears?).

What did you fall out about?

How was it resolved?

Don't think I would go if it's causing you this much stress. ❤️ Look after yourself

Yes this.

So she posted on a group chat with the four of you, specifically inviting the other two to meet but not you? I’d have called her out there and then I’m afraid. Pathetic, juvenile behaviour. Your other two friends should have pulled her on it too.
i really hope you haven’t cancelled! Don’t let her win!