Boyfriend thinks it ok to say he still loves his ex wife

[Superfrog1]

We have been together for 4 years and we have fallen out over his thinking it’s ok to say he will always love his ex wife but he’s not i. love with her! I don’t think this is acceptable but am I being unreasonable ? They share a 12 year old son and she is in a long term relationship.

Only on MN do you hear the majority of women say “I love that my DH loves his ex-wife, it fills me with pride and joy” 🤩

Meanwhile in the real world…..No so much! And I say that as someone who invited my ex to my wedding as we think he’s great. Never would I use the word love though 😂

Thats absolutely ok for him to say and feel that.

Just like its ok for you to say, thanks for the information and off with you.

No thank you.

They were a family. Of course he’ll love her. I love my ex, very much not in love with him but we shared so many key moments together, you can’t erase a whole life with someone. You need to grow up a little.

You're going to get a load of exes on here who will love this and tell you it's fine. It's not.

I think people have different interpretations of 'love'.
When I first met dh and then had kids, I loved them; like physically felt love for them.
I kind of know intellectually that I love them now, but I don't 'feel' it.
I often prefer being with friends to spending time with dh or the dc (or just being by myself), but I don't love my friends. I like them. I enjoy their company.
I wouldn't ever say I loved an ex, but then, I always ended it because I didn't love them anymore.
None of my divorced friends would say they loved their exes, even the fathers of their children. Admire or respect, perhaps, but not love.

I always understood it to mean Love is a platonic and non exclusive relationship. In love with, romantic exclusive relationship.

I think it's ok and much better than him being bitter.

I think the word 'love' is a bit undefined at times, there are different sorts of love, at least 8 on a quick Google, so maybe ask which type of love he feels: if it's agape or pragma they don't have any 'heat' and are caring but eros etc would be worrying to me. Could you look up the different sorts of love and discuss it with him?

What do you mean you don't find it acceptable?

You can't police someone's feelings. Either you accept it, or you split up and move on.

LOL! Would you find it acceptable if your husband loved another woman?

only on Mumsnet!

Makes sense to me.
I love my ex but very definitely not in love with him. Breaking up isn’t always nasty and hateful.

You are clearly not understanding the difference between loving a person and being in love.

Am I not? Silly me!

Yes! It is quite possible to move from a romantic relationship to friendship. It's healthy . Do you not have people in your life you love platonically?

The only circumstance I’d be ok was if he was a parent with that person. After being pregnant and having our children I’d like to think even if we weren’t in love we’d still love each other.

Anything else I’d have stepped away quite quickly!

I love my ex-husband, not in a romantic way, but in the way I love my friends. We are good friends! I’d be fine with this. It’s nice for the kids too. I’m

No I prefer to reserve my love for my husband, not my ex!

love this! x

Maybe you have been misguided by all the threads about couples breaking up in the most dramatic and vengeful manner. Very often, couples part ways in amicable terms and it is perfectly normal to still love your ex.
You are being unreasonable and I sincerely hope you have not brought this up to your partner. I would dump immediately someone who does not respect my past.

When you are in love with someone you want to be intimate with them.
It boils down to that.

What about your parents? Would you find inappropriate to say "I love my father"? Most women would not have a problem with that.
This is the same.

So we have our own family now. sorry sh1t happens! and it’s not ideal like divorce etc
but life lives on - don’t be stuck in the past it’s detrimental to all x
ps thanks everyone for the advice! xxx happy xmas.

to what extent would you be ok with it? birthday presents for the ex wife bacon sandwiches at football on a saturday? so lovely!!

He probably still would!!

thanks