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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about options in cars for kids who won’t stay in booster seats?

146 replies

Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 16:34

DS will not stay in his. Just won’t. Tried absolutely everything in terms of punishment, explaining he could die, everything. Still does it.

So now since we do have to use the car I need other options. I can put him back in his old car seat for now but there will come a time I physically can’t and what do I do then? (He’s 4.)

OP posts:
AllYearsAround · 20/12/2024 22:11

You might need to move the straps up if he's slipping his arms out.

AllYearsAround · 20/12/2024 22:13

waterfalls123 · 20/12/2024 22:11

All these people saying 'just keep him harnessed' I really hope they are all rear facing their children.
Because for a high centile 4 yr old, forward facing in a harness will be more dangerous than the HBB!

Sympathy though OP, we've had to move my 4 yr old into a HBB from rear facing as they would kick the mirror out of the way (in the middle head rest) and remove their harness (with a besafe anti escape clip) so I thought it's better I can see what they are doing!!

Forward facing in a harness is definitely safer than being out of a booster seat!

waterfalls123 · 20/12/2024 22:15

@AllYearsAround the risk of decapitation is much higher once a child has reached 18kg - why do you think they have weight limits?

waterfalls123 · 20/12/2024 22:15

@AllYearsAround sorry, missed your point I think. But I wasn't condoning being out of a HBB!

SeriouslyStressed · 20/12/2024 22:26

Look at

  1. crelling harness

  2. seat belt clip cover

notanothernamechange24 · 20/12/2024 22:30

@Nosnowjustrainandwind have another look at the other harnesses available through crelling. There are several including this one which does up behind the seat and other options too.

www.crelling.com/product/model-13/

bridesmaid1024 · 20/12/2024 22:31

@Nosnowjustrainandwind

It may be worth putting him back in his maxi cosi pearl (if that's the one you have) maybe double check - and then post in an ERF Facebook group for a fit check.
He shouldn't be able to get his arms out of the straps if they've been correctly fitted - I'm not patronising you either btw - my daughter did it and it just needed some tweaks to how the car seat was fitted.

There are also some great recommendations on there for ERF seats with proper harnesses & higher weight & height limits if the seat is not fitting him properly

SullysBabyMama · 20/12/2024 22:38

Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 19:51

Because everyone’s telling me what I should do to stop him climbing out of the booster seat and I’m asking for alternatives TO the booster seat!

But the booster seat isn’t the issue is it? It’s the seatbelt he’s climbing out of?
Ask him what he doesn’t like about the seatbelt? I didn’t like it touching my neck when I was a child. Then you could put him back into his car seat until he’s tall enough it’s not on his neck (as it shouldn’t be anyway, but just an example).

Chocolate101 · 20/12/2024 22:46

I’m just going to echo previous posters. My 6 year old has only recently changed to forward facing. He was in an axkid mini kid 2 which are brilliant seats. Much comfier for the child than FF seats as their legs don’t dangle. It’s also a lot safer whilst their bones mature.
I don’t see any other option going off what you’ve said and how he is.
Hope you figure out a solution.

Balloonhearts · 20/12/2024 22:56

Mine can get out of any bloody harness. Fucking escape artists. I could sell them to the circus. I showed the older one (4 at the time) a video of what happens to crash test dummies in an accident. It terrified him, he cried and said he didn't want to be thrown through the window and has kept his belt on since.

The other (5 ) didn't give a fuck, would not stay in her seat no matter what I did or said so in the end I resorted to smacking her after I had to pull over on the hard shoulder of the motorway to drag her off the boot shelf and strap her back in. She tried it once more and got another smacked bum then stopped. I didn't like doing it but absolutely could not have her climbing about unrestrained at 70mph.

Older two never did it. They were more laid back kids in general. 3rd child was a diva and he's training his sister to be the same.

DoggoQuestions · 20/12/2024 23:23

Monza recaro car seat is absolutely escape proof.

The seatbelt doesn't go over their arms/shoulders so they can't slip out. We had to use it with our little escape artist.

To ask about options in cars for kids who won’t stay in booster seats?
BertieBotts · 20/12/2024 23:28

I was going to suggest the Cozy n Safe Hudson as a more budget friendly model, so glad someone else has suggested it. Boots have it too and they have some kind of discount on top. Again it needs to be the old version not the i-size.

If you want truly escape proof there is Cybex Anoris, which uses impact shield/airbag rather than a harness, and is suitable up to 115cm and 21kg, but I don't think it's a great solution given that it's about 4x the cost of the Joie seat.

Some people have pointed out that there are loads of seats which go up to age 12 - the majority are no use unfortunately, unless they have a 25kg harness because the harness mode on most of the "up to 12" seats has a max of 105cm/18kg (ish) - this is the size of an average 4.5 year old, and the same size as the OP's DS's previous seat which he has nearly outgrown.

A high back booster seat is a perfectly acceptable, reasonable seat for most 4yos. Some will need the harness a bit longer, which is fine. And yes you can RF longer, but it is an expensive outlay if it doesn't fix the issue, and it seems unlikely that it will. Unless you can catch them at a rare moment of zen and manage to convince them it's really exciting to go backwards.

OP I am loathe to offer parenting advice since you've received so much unsolicited but you might like When The Naughty Step Makes Things Worse, it's only recently come out so you might not have seen it before. Seems useful for DC who are truly resistant to everything.

IroningThrone · 20/12/2024 23:34

PerditaLaChien · 20/12/2024 21:10

You are in charge, you don't allow him. He is four! You sanction, you impose consequences, you make unbuckling the belt the worst option

If you can't exert control over him now you are fucked when he's a teenager.

How does that work when you're driving a car?

Tiredofallthis101 · 21/12/2024 07:16

Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 21:44

I know - realistically though I just don’t know anyone who rear faces their four year old, there’s no way he’d tolerate it.

Thanks for that kind post @Cantsleepwithoutlisteningtoabook , it does get you down when nothing really seems to have any effect. So I do appreciate you being nice to me in your reply! You too @eachtigertires . it really is very nice and lifts my weary spirits (only half kidding.)

My DD is four and rear faces. She is also a of a similar personality to your son by the sounds of it and will escape her harness, take her arms out of the straps, and generally refuse to comply because she's incredibly stubborn. What has worked for us is a BeSafe clip on the car seat straps to force her to keep her arms in. And then - ashamed to say it but it was the only thing that worked - telling her I was going to have to leave her in the car whilst her little brother went to soft play, 'talking to dad' on the phone and telling him fhe plan, getting little brother out of the car, which then meant she was in floods of tears (horrible) and promised she'd stay in her seat nicely. Then I rewarded her with a chocolate the first few times she stayed in her seat nicely.

Pumpkinseason3 · 21/12/2024 07:25

Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 21:44

I know - realistically though I just don’t know anyone who rear faces their four year old, there’s no way he’d tolerate it.

Thanks for that kind post @Cantsleepwithoutlisteningtoabook , it does get you down when nothing really seems to have any effect. So I do appreciate you being nice to me in your reply! You too @eachtigertires . it really is very nice and lifts my weary spirits (only half kidding.)

@Nosnowjustrainandwind Kindly OP, it’s not really about whether he’d tolerate it. It’s whether he would be able to get out of it.
I don’t feel that it really matters if you know anyone that rear faces their 4yo - you need to do what’s best for yours.
My 4yo is rear facing and I’ve only ever met one other family who rear face 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nosnowjustrainandwind · 21/12/2024 07:37

It isn’t a criticism of you, but I can’t see rear facing working for us at this time when the last time he did it was circa 2022. I know online there’s a big push for ERF but it just doesn’t marry with RL.

OP posts:
DaisyCottonClock · 21/12/2024 16:43

Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 20:45

I’m not looking for the solutions on how to change the behaviour as none work, I’m looking for the solutions about the car seat.

You are his parent. It is literally your job in life to look for solutions to change his bad behaviour.

If this is the attitude you're taking to his problematic behaviour, he will never behave appropriately.

You're trying to find a practical solution for a problem that needs you to put consistent effort into working with him until his behaviour changes. Which of course it will. Might take weeks, but it will if you are consistent and take the very good advice here.

There's a reason that you're being given the advice you have been. All these parents of kids can't be wrong

Daisybuttercup12345 · 21/12/2024 17:41

InfoSecInTheCity · 20/12/2024 17:07

We put DD back in a harness seat then used a week when we didn't have anywhere we had to be, no work or school. Every time she undid the seatbelt I pulled over and refused to move the car till she had plugged back in. I stripped any interesting stuff out of the back seat so she had nothing to play with or look at, I bought a book for myself and a coffee in a thermos and I resolutely ignored any crying, whingeing or tantrumming.

It was a bastard of a couple of days if I'm completely honest, it is very hard to look chilled and pretend to read your book while your child screams, but I knew she was safe, confined and just annoyed and frustrated at not getting her way.

Did spend a fair few hours sat in car parks though 😂 She's a determined little sod sometimes.

She got the message and if she ever showed any signs of reverting I swiftly pulled over, looked at her and said 'do we need to repeat this again? I will not turn the car back on till you are plugged in.'

Brilliant. I have done similar in the past. It works.

absmildred · 26/12/2024 07:28

Hi. Wow some people on here are interesting’!
I was interested to read your post because I am having same issue. We have just moved to high back booster for my 4 year old. He will not sit properly if he is tired or anxious! He takes his arms out of the belt lies across back seat etc! I have tried all the shouting, stopping car and explaining to him about how dangerous it is! But here’s the thing he just isn’t able to process this! I was hopeful for some helpful solutions too reading the comments but wow some people are really mean! I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone! I may try getting a bigger 5 point harness seat. I was hoping there would be a strap or pad you could get to make the belt harder to move but not seeing anything! Hope you manage to find something. Be kind to your son he is only little. The other people who are encouraging harsh discipline are not worth listening to! This is all part of child development and actually big responses will encourage this behaviour because he is getting attention! Best just to prevent it happening by using a harness no need to shame him etc! Xx

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