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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about options in cars for kids who won’t stay in booster seats?

146 replies

Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 16:34

DS will not stay in his. Just won’t. Tried absolutely everything in terms of punishment, explaining he could die, everything. Still does it.

So now since we do have to use the car I need other options. I can put him back in his old car seat for now but there will come a time I physically can’t and what do I do then? (He’s 4.)

OP posts:
PerditaLaChien · 20/12/2024 21:10

You are in charge, you don't allow him. He is four! You sanction, you impose consequences, you make unbuckling the belt the worst option

If you can't exert control over him now you are fucked when he's a teenager.

Startinganew32 · 20/12/2024 21:11

And yes you will need to get a harness to restrain him. The one posted above looks good. You can’t drive him in the car while not strapped in.

memememe · 20/12/2024 21:12

Have you tried putting him next to you in the front, then you can chat to him, show him how the car works, chat about what you can see etc. maybe he's after attention?

Cocomelonhater · 20/12/2024 21:12

Get an extended rear facing seat with 5 point harness which is suitable for his height and weight. As someone said an axkid movekid could be a good shout. Get a belt collector if you need to.

He isn’t mature enough to be in a high back booster. Revisit in a few years.

memememe · 20/12/2024 21:13

But also if you can buy a harnessed seat that goes to 25/36kg rear facing then this is the best option.

notanothernamechange24 · 20/12/2024 21:14

@Nosnowjustrainandwind would a crelling harness work?

Works in addition to the booster seat and provides a five point harness

www.crelling.com/product/model-28-steel-buckle/

PerditaLaChien · 20/12/2024 21:16

Op if you are so insistent he "cares about nothing" and no consequences have any impact at all, even when applied consistently for months, I'd suggest you look at specialist solutions for disabled children which will have secure harnesses going right up to much larger sizes.

Although i'm wondering if you are trying to get people to perhaps validate a notion that if he's this resistant it's okay simply skip the booster sit.

It isn't until he is 135cm tall. HTH.

Viviennemary · 20/12/2024 21:20

Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 18:07

Why are you saying this to me?

Show quote history

It's frustrating that you are letting a four year old dictate your life. You do what you have to do. Not using the car isn't an option and driving without him in a secure seat isn't an option either. Old seat as a temporary measure and stop worrying about when he grows out of it.

Original poster
Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 21:24

PerditaLaChien · 20/12/2024 21:16

Op if you are so insistent he "cares about nothing" and no consequences have any impact at all, even when applied consistently for months, I'd suggest you look at specialist solutions for disabled children which will have secure harnesses going right up to much larger sizes.

Although i'm wondering if you are trying to get people to perhaps validate a notion that if he's this resistant it's okay simply skip the booster sit.

It isn't until he is 135cm tall. HTH.

As I’ve said, what I’m asking is quite simple and has been covered elsewhere in the thread. I don’t really care about people’s opinions, I just need to ensure he’s in a seat that he’s not leaping all over the car in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 21:24

notanothernamechange24 · 20/12/2024 21:14

@Nosnowjustrainandwind would a crelling harness work?

Works in addition to the booster seat and provides a five point harness

www.crelling.com/product/model-28-steel-buckle/

I think he’d get out of that. But thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 21:25

PerditaLaChien · 20/12/2024 21:10

You are in charge, you don't allow him. He is four! You sanction, you impose consequences, you make unbuckling the belt the worst option

If you can't exert control over him now you are fucked when he's a teenager.

Yes, I’m aware. Thank you.

OP posts:
LegoHouse274 · 20/12/2024 21:33

Can he/does he open a harness? If not I'd definitely put him back in one. My DC1 was still in a harness then. Some car seats have more complicated 'anti escape' harnesses too that could possibly help.

123456abcdef · 20/12/2024 21:34

My ds was still rear facing at 5.5 in a 5 point harness. (Axkid minikid) he only came out of it as I was not going to buy a second 25kg harnessed seat for his sister and she had grown out of a spin seat height wise. Op if you want a solution I’m afraid it’s going to be the expensive of a higher weighted harnessed seat once he has grown out of the one you have. I suggest the in car safety centre for advice on seats, they are great at advice even if it’s by email if you can’t get there in person.

for the time being put him back in the seat you have and get some proper advice on what to buy. When he has out grown the seat you have you could always try the booster again to see if he has matured to the point you don’t need to buy another seat.

Original poster
Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 21:36

LegoHouse274 · 20/12/2024 21:33

Can he/does he open a harness? If not I'd definitely put him back in one. My DC1 was still in a harness then. Some car seats have more complicated 'anti escape' harnesses too that could possibly help.

He can’t but he can get his arms out of the straps - tried those anti escape devices which worked well for a while but now he can open those. So it’s not brilliant but better than nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 21:36

Thanks @123456abcdef

OP posts:
Waffle19 · 20/12/2024 21:38

I honestly don’t understand all these people who think 4 is an appropriate age for a HBB, it really isn’t.

And FWIW OP I think you’re getting a hard time here. My 4yo doesn’t listen to me a lot of time and consequences don’t seem to help that much of the time, it seems quite common with friends who also have four year olds. I think it’s a really tricky age where they suddenly realise that they don’t HAVE to do what you say so they really test the boundaries. But honestly get him back in a safer car seat.

eachtigertires · 20/12/2024 21:40

OP, I really don’t know why people are giving you such a hard time. 4 year olds can be very impulsive even when they’re trying not to be. He will mature and grow out of it. I have a 4 year old who is still in a harnessed seat and most of her friends are too.

Cantsleepwithoutlisteningtoabook · 20/12/2024 21:40

There are extended rear facing car seats with 5 point harnesses up to 36kg now, if that helps at all.

By the time he reaches that weight, he should
hopefully be more mature and understand the importance of car safety.

I can only imagine this is a very stressful situation and you are clearly trying everything. Be kind to yourself x

SP2024 · 20/12/2024 21:41

At 4 he’s not old enough to be using the adult seat belt and shouldn’t be forward facing anyway. You can get car seats to 36kg rear facing if your kid is high centiles. You should
be aiming for 5+ before using a HBB and only if meeting all the signs of being ready (sitting properly is only one of them).

BraOffPjsOn · 20/12/2024 21:43

Axkid minikid is what I had for mine and they are brilliant seats and have the 36kg weight limit.
Lots of people rush to use the HBB but there are lots of reasons it’s best not to.
Get the extended rear facing harnessed seat and then you’ve got a few years until you need to try a HBB again.

Original poster
Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 21:44

I know - realistically though I just don’t know anyone who rear faces their four year old, there’s no way he’d tolerate it.

Thanks for that kind post @Cantsleepwithoutlisteningtoabook , it does get you down when nothing really seems to have any effect. So I do appreciate you being nice to me in your reply! You too @eachtigertires . it really is very nice and lifts my weary spirits (only half kidding.)

OP posts:
AllYearsAround · 20/12/2024 21:48

4 is still on the young side to go into a booster seat, I'd just keep him in a 5 point harness.

LegoHouse274 · 20/12/2024 22:01

Hmm, are you sure the harness is tight enough if he can get his arms out? Sorry, don't mean to sound patronising, I'm just thinking of how tightly we do our kids harnesses to keep them safe and snug and I'm not sure they would physically be able to remove their arms from them tbh. But i don't think they have ever tried before and I appreciate some children are pretty creative when they set their minds to something!

I agree btw OP I'm sorry you're getting such a hard time on here! I've certainly been in other situations with my kids where I've been at a loss as to how to get them to comply with something. And I agree a lot of the strategies people suggest to manage behaviour are often only suitable if the non-compliant child is alone otherwise they also punish any other accompanying children unfairly. So there's not always a great answer.

Original poster
Nosnowjustrainandwind · 20/12/2024 22:04

No it’s helpful. I constantly fret I’m doing it wrong. He does seem really good at getting his arms out: to be fair to him unless he’s in an exceptionally obtuse mood he will put his arms back in the straps if I tell him to.

I've certainly been in other situations with my kids where I've been at a loss as to how to get them to comply with something

I hope this doesn’t sound ridiculous but I could kiss you for saying this as I just feel like the worlds shittest parent but honestly blowing up at him doesn’t work and not going to places doesn’t work (and really isn’t practical especially living where we do) …

OP posts:
waterfalls123 · 20/12/2024 22:11

All these people saying 'just keep him harnessed' I really hope they are all rear facing their children.
Because for a high centile 4 yr old, forward facing in a harness will be more dangerous than the HBB!

Sympathy though OP, we've had to move my 4 yr old into a HBB from rear facing as they would kick the mirror out of the way (in the middle head rest) and remove their harness (with a besafe anti escape clip) so I thought it's better I can see what they are doing!!