Bf on works Xmas do but not texting me

[Beepop22]

He’s been out since 3pm and was texting me up until around 8:30pm now it’s 11:30pm and complete silence but yet he keeps appearing online ?????? He does this everytime he goes out ? Is this strange

Trouble is none of us know what he is doing. Most of the time people aren't off chasing around for sex, well one exBF was but he couldn't keep it in his trousers or so he tried to make me believe, a lot of it was a cry for attention.

6 hours is nothing really, leave him to it, concentrate on you and making yourself feel better.

That would be a very nasty thing to do. Either you choose to stay with him and work on your feelings of jealousy and suspicion, or you break up with him and set him free.
It would be very unfair to punish him for your paranoia by being distant and cold.
It really sounds as though you’re not ready for a relationship right now.

I would like to be with him of course but the only way to do that is to probably fall back a little bit and become a little bit disconnected from him so these things don’t bother me so much

A person should be able to go out for the day or night and not be obliged to reply to texts from their partner unless it is an emergency.

My SIL always does this to my BIL when he is out (even if he’s just over to watch a sports game). If he doesn’t reply she will start calling him. It’s needy and some of the time manipulative,

If it was a reversal and the husband was constantly wanting updates or checking in Mumsnetters would be pointing abuse/ coercive control.

Not going to give my opinion but will tell you what happen shortly BC. November 2019 I took my dad to the pub I was running at the time as one of the regulars was at school with my dad and they were great mates at school. This was a total coincidence due to the fact that they had both moved but ended up in the same area.

He told my mother that he would be back around "tennish" and given that it was my only night off, I was driving, he was 69 and it was a 30 mile round trip, its not like she had much to worry about. She blew up both of our phones by ten past ten. Father is deaf and was not checking his phone as he was having a laugh with his old school mate, and I was just not checking my phone. When I realised and called her she went completely OTT. When we got back at about half eleven she was waiting outside, in her nightdress and dressing gown and had a right go about us being "late". And no, she doesnt have dementia or anything else. She can live her life but he cant live his.

I do actually agree with you I know it’s unhealthy , I haven’t blown him up or triple texted him etc I have left him alone . I just wish I wasn’t so anxious about and wondering so much it is genuinely pathetic I’m very aware

Yeah that’s quite crazy , see all these things I’ve kept to myself , I’m not actually acting out on any of this . I wouldn’t do that to him I guess I’m just seeking validation for my feelings I know I shouldn’t feel this way but unfortunately I just do !!!

Is he back yet? The more you read Mumsnet, the more you'll have bad ideas running through your mind. I'm like this. I blame American dramas where the worst would always happen. When DH was younger he was also the opposite to me, out for hours with no contact whereas I always check in. However, if there's no need to contact you then he probably just thinks it would be clingy to message you and especially as it gets later and you should be sleeping.

The ex girlfriend thing is weird tho.

He's probably flat out on his bed. I suggest you do the same. Don't over invest yourself in your insecurities.
I can talk. But that's what I'd do.
Tomorrow is another day and he'll probably have a hangover from hell.
Back off and go out with your friends
It's Christmas. Nothing is normal..

No idea lol 😆 and yeah the ex gf thing makes zero sense I truly I don’t even believe it was her. Who rang him , the number was unsaved and I genuinely just don’t think she’s the type to do that she lives with her new partner and they look besotted with each other ? He said he recognised her number but I honestly don’t think it was her at all

Exactly @Beepop22
It'll all about be good when he recovers from the works do. Nothing to see here . Wouldn't like to be him in the morning if he has work.
He's probably slurred to anyone that listens about his gf. You 😀

She wasnt always this bad, but after 50 years of marriage (or slightly less as it was at the time) she got worse.

I suggest, with kindness, that you may need some talking therapy to help you work out why you feel like this, and how to deal with it in a way that will help you to not sabotage relationships in future.

He could be playing a game online or sending videos or something to his mates. What do you do to unwind when you're not with your BF? Do you muck around on the net? Chat with friends? That's all he's probably doing.

I think it odd that you were both texting from 3pm -8.30m. If I’m out, the last thing I want is texts from DH or my (adult) kids who live at home and should know I am out. Frankly, if they texted while I was out I would ignore and then have words later. True emergencies are different though, happy for those, and then I would expect a phone call.

So you have EUPD/BPD - are you having any therapy for this? I guessed you had that before you said from what you said about always feeling like this in relationships. It's not your fault, but you can take charge of your life and seek some help. DBT is the type of therapy recommended for EUPD.

If you were a man this would be red flags galore

He is not a puppy he does not need a lead

I have ROCD and can get like this. I catastrophise too. I'm starting therapy again in January for it because I know I can't go on like this. I'm not here to diagnose you OP but have you heard of ROCD? Google and see if it reasonates. I'm having CBT for it because I've always been like this in relationships too and I know I am exhausting.
I hope you got some sleep. xx

If you were a man this would be red flags galore

It still is. Suffocating and controlling. I hope you get some therapy for your BPD, OP, for everyone's sake.

I'd hope on a night out phones and social media would be turned off. Regardless of that, you do seem to have issues as others have observed.

Far easier to be alone- who needs the stress!
If relationships cause you pain, consistently, it's you either choosing the wrong man, or driving them away by needy behaviour.

However a lot of men are faithless.

What is it with this thing of people wanting to constantly be in touch with their partners on a night out? I really don't understand it

This. Why do you need to contact him?

People who keep repeating 'why do you need to be in contact on a night out' etc are missing the point that OP has EUPD and this type of obsessing is part of that behaviour profile. It's not rational but OP can't help her feelings. It's the behaviour that follows that she needs to manage, and it sounds like she's doing that fairly well.

OP I understand where you are coming from.

Interesting that you say when you are single you don't care about anyone else.

When you are in a relationship just remember you also are not accountable for anyone else's behaviour or actions. Whatever they do is on them, it's no reflection on you. So even if they do cheat, you bin them because they aren't good enough for you.

Statistically though women are happier single.

He is enjoying a night out and you are behaving as if you are insecure. When my husband is out he only texts to let me know which train he is on. Leave him be.