Page 2 | Bf on works Xmas do but not texting me

Beepop22 · 2024-12-19T23:33:30+00:00

He’s been out since 3pm and was texting me up until around 8:30pm now it’s 11:30pm and complete silence but yet he keeps appearing online ?????? He does this everytime he goes out ? Is this strange

LostittoBostik · 20/12/2024 00:40

I'm still awake. Is he back?

Redglitter · 20/12/2024 00:40

Leave him alone. He doesn't need to he texting when he's out. Let him enjoy his night out for goodness sake

TheCatterall · 20/12/2024 01:36

My partner might get one text from me to confirm I’ve arrived, cracking in with a meal etc.

might get another at the end of the night - I’m home..

that’s it…

why do you need to be texting each other constantly whilst he’s out socialising? I find it so rude when I’m out with friends and they spend more time on their phone to the person they left at home for 4 hours and will be returning to rather than being present with their friends.

wholettheturnipsburn · 20/12/2024 01:39

YABVU

He's on his Christmas night out. Let him free for a night

TheSoapyFrog · 20/12/2024 01:51

My guess is: at 8:30, things were maybe still a bit civilised. At 11:30, he's probably battered with his work mates and having fun. They might be somewhere busy with loud music.

I wouldn't text my OH when he's on a night out, and he wouldn't text me either.

Original poster

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:08

Last active one hour ago ? Still not made any contact

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Original poster

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:09

LostittoBostik · 20/12/2024 00:40

I'm still awake. Is he back?

Active one hour ago, still not heard anything btw we don’t live together

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ZekeZeke · 20/12/2024 02:12

Leave him alone.
He is at his Christmas Party having fun.
Why on earth are you checking up on his online activity?

BruFord · 20/12/2024 02:18

Back in ye olden days of the 1990’s before everyone had phones, we went for a night out and didn’t contact people while we were out, because we were enjoying ourselves in the moment!

Let him enjoy his evening!

Ilovelifeverymuch · 20/12/2024 02:21

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:09

Active one hour ago, still not heard anything btw we don’t live together

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And you continue to ignore the posts asking what's so important that he has to constantly text you when when he is out having fun with his coworkers?

Are you so needy and insecure that you're literally tracking when he is on and offline v how many times he texts you or is there something that really needs to be discussed that yours expecting a reply for that can't wait until the party is over or probably tomorrow given he may be drunk?

You've already rushed to mumsnet because he hasn't sent you a message in 2 hours???

Original poster

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:24

Ilovelifeverymuch · 20/12/2024 02:21

And you continue to ignore the posts asking what's so important that he has to constantly text you when when he is out having fun with his coworkers?

Are you so needy and insecure that you're literally tracking when he is on and offline v how many times he texts you or is there something that really needs to be discussed that yours expecting a reply for that can't wait until the party is over or probably tomorrow given he may be drunk?

You've already rushed to mumsnet because he hasn't sent you a message in 2 hours???

Edited

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Just paranoid

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NavyOrca · 20/12/2024 02:25

Has he previously cheated?

I have to admit, if my DH is ever out without me, my first thought if he stopped replying to me is that his phone battery has run out, or he’s just being sociable with whoever he’s out with. Or if it had been many hours, then I might start to get a bit concerned that something had happened to him (he’s in contact frequently anyway).

My first thought would absolutely not be that he was playing away. Are there other issues in your relationship OP?

Jostuki · 20/12/2024 02:29

Why does he need to text you?

Original poster

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:32

NavyOrca · 20/12/2024 02:25

Has he previously cheated?

I have to admit, if my DH is ever out without me, my first thought if he stopped replying to me is that his phone battery has run out, or he’s just being sociable with whoever he’s out with. Or if it had been many hours, then I might start to get a bit concerned that something had happened to him (he’s in contact frequently anyway).

My first thought would absolutely not be that he was playing away. Are there other issues in your relationship OP?

The other weekend we were together and he claims his ex from 7 years ago called him twice at 2am but didn’t tell me till I went home , the ex in question is in a 5 going on 6 year relationship with someone new very publicly and own a dog and a house together and seem very happy … he wouldn’t confirm or prove it was his ex so I was unsure if he was just saying this to make me jealous , now ever since then I think what if it was her and what if now he’s drunk he becomes curious enough to go find out what she wanted if you know what I mean

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MarkingBad · 20/12/2024 02:34

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:32

The other weekend we were together and he claims his ex from 7 years ago called him twice at 2am but didn’t tell me till I went home , the ex in question is in a 5 going on 6 year relationship with someone new very publicly and own a dog and a house together and seem very happy … he wouldn’t confirm or prove it was his ex so I was unsure if he was just saying this to make me jealous , now ever since then I think what if it was her and what if now he’s drunk he becomes curious enough to go find out what she wanted if you know what I mean

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If you don't trust him the relationship is dead.

Original poster

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:35

MarkingBad · 20/12/2024 02:34

If you don't trust him the relationship is dead.

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To be honest I’ve been like this with everyone I’ve been with , yes it’s probably me that’s toxic

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MountainChalet · 20/12/2024 02:42

I don't think you are ready for a relationship, you should work on your issues first. Being this controlling it's not healthy.

MarkingBad · 20/12/2024 02:44

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:35

To be honest I’ve been like this with everyone I’ve been with , yes it’s probably me that’s toxic

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Firstly you should treat yourself kindly, we all get complex feelings at some time or another, it's not toxic as such it's just a human thing. He also did tell you something re his ex that was a bit odd so no doubt that didn't help either.

I don't know the root cause of your anxiety in relationships but you can work on that, whether it is low self esteem or jealousy or anything else. Theres lots of books as well as therapy that can help. Refocus on yorself and not what he is or isn't up to, what he is doing is unimportant, and there is nothing you can do to stop it, how you are feeling is important and the only thing you can control.

Original poster

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:46

MarkingBad · 20/12/2024 02:44

Firstly you should treat yourself kindly, we all get complex feelings at some time or another, it's not toxic as such it's just a human thing. He also did tell you something re his ex that was a bit odd so no doubt that didn't help either.

I don't know the root cause of your anxiety in relationships but you can work on that, whether it is low self esteem or jealousy or anything else. Theres lots of books as well as therapy that can help. Refocus on yorself and not what he is or isn't up to, what he is doing is unimportant, and there is nothing you can do to stop it, how you are feeling is important and the only thing you can control.

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The thing is , it’s like I always expect the worse so right now in my mind I’m convinced he’s already out doing something bad so I guess I’ve come on here subconsciously hoping other people would suggest that so I didn’t seem crazy but so far no one has

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Original poster

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:47

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:46

The thing is , it’s like I always expect the worse so right now in my mind I’m convinced he’s already out doing something bad so I guess I’ve come on here subconsciously hoping other people would suggest that so I didn’t seem crazy but so far no one has

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He’s also managed to find time to delete his social media stories he posted whilst out recently but I’ve not heard from him in 6 hours :/

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Original poster

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:48

MountainChalet · 20/12/2024 02:42

I don't think you are ready for a relationship, you should work on your issues first. Being this controlling it's not healthy.

I agree , I think I will distance myself from him and disconnect emotionally

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Original poster

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:50

MarkingBad · 20/12/2024 02:44

Firstly you should treat yourself kindly, we all get complex feelings at some time or another, it's not toxic as such it's just a human thing. He also did tell you something re his ex that was a bit odd so no doubt that didn't help either.

I don't know the root cause of your anxiety in relationships but you can work on that, whether it is low self esteem or jealousy or anything else. Theres lots of books as well as therapy that can help. Refocus on yorself and not what he is or isn't up to, what he is doing is unimportant, and there is nothing you can do to stop it, how you are feeling is important and the only thing you can control.

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But thank you I totally agree I get way too focused on other people and there actions and drive myself nuts instead

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Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 20/12/2024 02:50

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:48

I agree , I think I will distance myself from him and disconnect emotionally

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If agree you shouldn't be in a relationship, you should break up with him. Not go all distant - that's game playing and unhealthy.

butterflysandrobins · 20/12/2024 02:52

OP I've been exactly the same in my previous relationships, and it's me who's the needy toxic person. I hold my hands up and admit that I'm deeply insecure and always feel that I'm not enough to keep a man happy. I then become so needy that they feel smothered. I've wrecked every relationship I've ever been in by self sabotage.
I've now been single for 12 years because my issues are so deeply rooted that I think it's just part of my personality now.
I've accepted that relationships just aren't for me. And I'm actually happier single.
But if you want to keep a man in your life you will need to get some type of therapy and work on your self esteem. I hope you're able to get some sleep and stop thinking about what he's up to x

Original poster

Beepop22 · 20/12/2024 02:54

butterflysandrobins · 20/12/2024 02:52

OP I've been exactly the same in my previous relationships, and it's me who's the needy toxic person. I hold my hands up and admit that I'm deeply insecure and always feel that I'm not enough to keep a man happy. I then become so needy that they feel smothered. I've wrecked every relationship I've ever been in by self sabotage.
I've now been single for 12 years because my issues are so deeply rooted that I think it's just part of my personality now.
I've accepted that relationships just aren't for me. And I'm actually happier single.
But if you want to keep a man in your life you will need to get some type of therapy and work on your self esteem. I hope you're able to get some sleep and stop thinking about what he's up to x

I have BPD , so relationships are my worst nightmare , when I’m single I’m so happy and don’t care about anyone else , I don’t know why I do it to myself it Honeslty brings out such an unsettled side of me, I know I should be single due to my mental illness but the thought of never having a normal relationship and always the one with the problem is hard to come to terms with let’s face it I could he with the best man on earth and my brain would always cause me to self sabotage, it’s just sad that if I want happiness I’ve got to be alone

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