To need some sort of domestic coach?

[Embarrassinglyuseless]

I recognize this comes from a position of extreme privileged but I am drowning! I married a man who has become extraordinarily financially successful - I stay at home and look after our two children (no.3 on the way) - the deal being that I have a pretty unlimited budget, but I need to manage the house and I am TERRIBLE at it

I have a housekeeper who comes for 6 hours twice a week - she does and puts away all laundry, changes beds / sheets - and does all the usual cleaning

I have gardeners who come in weekly and do the yard work

my oldest is at school five days a week - youngest at nursery three mornings

I CANNOT get it together or stay on top of…

• keeping the fridge clean and stocked
• keeping things basically tidy
• making sure the dog has everything he needs (annual check ups / insurance)
• managing all the crap about the cars (mots, insurance etc)
• keeping my car clean and tidy (it looks like I live in it full time. It’s embarrasing)
• paying all the bills etc
• making daily beds
• feeding myself sensibly (the children always have nutritionally sound meals at appropriately scheduled times
• Managing all the homework and reading
• scheduling play dates
• hosting dinner parties occasionally so people keep inviting us
• scheduling travel and holidays
• trying not to be a terrible friend
• occasionally schedule a date or two
• working on house Reno projects

basiclly I feel like life happens to me rather than me happening to my life. I feel like I’m constantly working to fight fires rather than working to a system - I know that I have more time than most people but I really really need help getting it together.

YANBU - take a domestic management course! Or find a coach (bonus points for pointing my useless ass somewhere)

YABU - no one can teach you this - you just have to do it.

Ignoring the elephant in the room of your massive amount of time, money and hired help 😂 i do sympathise, I find keeping on top of domestic tasks difficult to manage mentally - like I walk into other people's houses and marvel at what they do and it feels like they have a superpower that I just can't possess. My house isn't bad but everything always feels a slog. I work full time in a stressful job, as does my husband- have always thought if I had more time it would click into place but perhaps not...

You already have a list of things that need doing so why not just follow a list? You serve your kids nutritious meals so you are clearly not lacking in skills. The other things are clearly not your priority and that's actually OK. I hope you have more fun things to occupy your days with. Hire a PA and enjoy your life.

Bloody hell 😂

Oh I own that the elephant is there! I’m pointing at it and yelling!

“look, I have my very own giant friendly elephant and I’m still totally stuck..”

(I do need to get it together somehow. I think some of it is innate - I have friends with much less time and help who live immaculately. When I ask them they just point out imaginary dirt that I can’t see!)

Jesus 🙄

As you mentioned "extraordinary financially successful" I'll offer to clean your fridge for a grand....

what do you end up doing with you time instead? Is it that you hate doing those kind of jobs, that you start but cant finish them, that you chase your tail starting one thing then jumping to another thing and then it all ends in chaos, or that you just get engrossed in something and it sucks you in for hours..or something else?

Brace yourself OP

Is he around at weekends? If not then you have a nursery age kid at home for 4 full days and 3 afternoons plus 10 school runs so you can hardly start doing solo house reno. I've only got one and I ignore/we jointly do half your list at least.

• keeping the fridge clean and stocked - weekly delivery, set a phone alarm after they are in bed to order
• keeping things basically tidy - try short bursts
• making sure the dog has everything he needs (annual check ups / insurance) - set phone alarms now for next few years
• managing all the crap about the cars (mots, insurance etc) - as above
• keeping my car clean and tidy (it looks like I live in it full time. It’s embarrasing) Mine's a tip, I don't care. Take a binbag out next time you drive it
• paying all the bills etc - just set up DDs!
• making daily beds - don't always bother
• feeding myself sensibly (the children always have nutritionally sound meals at appropriately scheduled times - add the correct things to the weekly delivery
• Managing all the homework and reading - should be manageable with your paid help really.
• scheduling play dates - We don't bother, DS does after school activities instead
• hosting dinner parties occasionally so people keep inviting us - ha, nope
• scheduling travel and holidays - this should be a joint task
• trying not to be a terrible friend
• occasionally schedule a date or two - should be joint
• working on house Reno projects - can wait til kids are older

Words fail me also

You know at first I was like what a joke this privileged lady needs to get it together. But do you know what? This just shows how impossible it is to run a house. Even with all that help. And most people (nearly everyone) don’t have that. So I kind of appreciate this post.

if you have an unlimited budget can’t you just send kids into childcare and get it done in a day though? Or pay a cleaner to come and do fridge etc

Keeping on top of the house is a ridiculous amount of work. I think you need to lower your standards. Dirty car? Who cares. Dog admin should be extremely limited. Not more than an hour a yeah. Bills on auto. Drop the dinner parties for now and go out instead. Calendar for play dates…

I sympathise OP. I’m not in your position but I know that if I was I would struggle with all this too. I know that even with an unlimited budget I would struggle to do all the things you mention above.

I only have one small suggestion re the cars - there are various apps which help you keep track of dates for servicing, tax, MOTs, insurance etc. If you’re looking after several cars that’s probably quite useful. I think VehicleSmart and Caura both do this, but I’m sure there are others too .

I chase my tail. And then spend the whole day feeling like I’ve been working without actually achieving anything.

and sometimes I’m totally paralysed by the list so I make more lists…

This is really really helpful practical advice - thank you! I’ll look at those now

•Go through the fridge the night before the bins are due to be emptied, so the out of date food is hanging around for a week (or however frequently your binmen collect).
•use the calendar on your phone for reminders like MOT, vets.
•when you're paying for a haircut book the next appointment in.
•Never put things "down ", put them "away".
•put everything on dd.
•go paperless wherever possible.

You need a brilliant housekeeper who will sort most of this. If money is no object hire a chef or cook as well.

Get your dh to help and start making a plan, as someone said you have the template above. I will say you’re overthinking so much, eg the dog and the car. How dirty is your fridge? One clean and then wipe weekly? I’ll say it took me years to get everything under control but also you have to accept some mess- the houses you say in ads are not real!!!

Ah I appreciate you being kind about the ridiculousness of it all (it is a flipping monumental job managing a house - I looked up what professional house managers get paid for properly ‘staffed’ houses - and it’s SO much!)

I do think you’re right that I probably need to let go of my guilt about the two year old doing a full day at nursery and get him out of my hair for a whole day to stay ahead of things

Wow op. I consider myself really quite idle but I do all of that and work part time. You literally have three child free mornings a week, that is so so so much time, stop navel gazing and just do it.

Stop making lists. You are wasting your time. Just get up and do a thing, anything, that you see or remember that needs doing. Next time you sit comfortably to make a list, just don't, get up and do a thing.

Every time you find yourself upstairs, do a useful thing there. Before you go downstairs, take something with you that needs taking.

6h of housekeeper twice a week, for a 4 person household, honestly it's boggling.

A colleague once told me, talking about doing stuff is not doing stuff. I'd add, making lists about doing stuff is not doing stuff.

If money isn't a problem get somebody in for 3 hours every day. And maybe a professional organiser to set up systems.

and sometimes I’m totally paralysed by the list so I make more lists…
you have to make achievable lists- so I make my end game list of all the huge things I want done but that is not my daily list- and top of my daily list is the thing that I have to get done to feel like I’ve achieved that day best of luck op x

Op does not need more lists or systems or coaching. She just needs to look up from her navel and do. Sorry to be harsh but that's my opinion

I am excellent at throwing money at problems so this is what I’d do!

• Keeping the fridge clean and stocked HOUSEKEEPER / COOK
• keeping things basically tidy HOUSEKEEPER / COOK
• making sure the dog has everything he needs (annual check ups / insurance) SCHEDULED
• managing all the crap about the cars (mots, insurance etc) SCHEDULED
• keeping my car clean and tidy (it looks like I live in it full time. It’s embarrasing) HOUSEKEEPER / COOK
• paying all the bills etc ALL ON DD, I NEVER LOOK AT OURS
• making daily beds HOUSEKEEPER / COOK
• feeding myself sensibly (the children always have nutritionally sound meals at appropriately scheduled times HOUSEKEEPER / COOK
• Managing all the homework and reading FORGET IT FOR LITTLEST, DEAL WITH BOOK BAG IMMEDIATELY EVERY NIGHT
• scheduling play dates FORGET THESE
• hosting dinner parties occasionally so people keep inviting us TAKE THEM TO RESTAURANTS
• scheduling travel and holidays ENJOY THIS
• trying not to be a terrible friend BOOK IN TIME TO SEE PEOPLE
• occasionally schedule a date or two SCHEDULE IT
• working on house Reno projects FORGET IT OR HIRE EXPERTS

PPs saying they couldn't manage all the things on theist either or saying this proves running a house is impossible must be taking the piss.

Running a household is easy if you keep on top of things.

Sorry but if you have one mid at school, one in nursery, don't work and have hired help I have no idea why you can't cook and do a bit of tidying while having quite a good social life.