To think this is a really weird thing to do with presents?

[Santaslittlehelper83]

So a family member has just told me that every year with the kids Xmas presents they rip off every label from presents that have been given, then tell them that all the presents are from Santa! I mean...wtf. I feel it's an odd thing to do, and also nice for the kids to know who has got them what and to appreciate and thank them for it. I've now written in sharpie across all her kids gifts! AIBU?

Yes because Christmas day is the only possible opportunity to teach kids about gratitude or manners or appreciating things apparently... Not birthdays or meals out or random "aunt Linda got you this from her holiday" or anything like that.

All families must do Christmas day a certain way lest their 3 year old turn into an entitlement brat and uncle Fred feels deeply hurt that although the parents said thank you, he didn't receive sufficient credit from the the very small child on this one day of the year. Society will crumble.

Seriously people need to lighten up and enjoy their Christmas and let others enjoy theirs.

I remember being about 7 and excitedly showing my nan how much I loved the dog she bought me for Christmas but it was quite clear that she had never seen the dog before. I was hurt, I can't explain why. I guess because it went from something that was thoughtfully picked to just a toy. What I didn't know but now know was she had dementia and was reliant on carers and family for most things including gift buying.

In my house father Christmas brought the presents sent to him from family once he had checked you were on the good list. My partner did stocking from father Christmas and everything else from family. We have an advent calendar with a larger drawer for Christmas day so father Christmas is control of that and leaves a chocolate each day in the appropriate drawer and a few little things on Christmas day. 3 of 4 Christmases we have been at my in laws and the one year we haven't she was too young for father Christmas. With my family this has been fine as father Christmas delivers the present so of course all presents from my family will be taken down with us to be open in one go on Christmas day. This year we are at home with the in-laws coming up between Christmas and new year. They were shocked that I wanted my daughter to get all of her presents on Christmas day and not do presents from my partners family after Christmas.

All families do something different its a balancing act to integrate everyone's traditions. Gift giving is sharing a moment, it says I see you. I don't buy many gifts but I try to spend time on each one and I would be hurt if the label was removed from my present. I think I would be less hurt if the label was kept on the present but the child still told father Christmas gave all the presents. I try to write a note to everyone who sends my daughter a present and mention whether she plays with it when I see them. For aunts and uncles I send a photo or get the toy out when they visit or their family - so the respective grandparents to the aunt/uncle that bought the gift. I would do this even if I hadn't told them who had bought it so they can share a moment and the gift giver can get acknowledgement through that moment that their gift was happily received and is being enjoyed

Yes very weird children should know who gave them the gift to say thank you.

Put a note inside write on the box or if you give a book write a special message inside for the recipient I do that anyway as my Nan used to for me.

This is what I do too. I give the big gift from me and other things I buy to go in stocking are from Santa but anybody who buys DC a gift puts a gift card on it and DC will write a thank gifted in person if possible or on phone but still write out thank you note and post it.

If you mean I should lighten up, why be rude?

Everyone’s entitled to an opinion. I’ve observed that kids brought up without manners, tend to become pretty self-indulgent, ill-mannered adults. And not many people enjoy relationships with them, compared with caring, thoughtful people.

And you obvs don’t teach it on Xmas Day. That’s for fun. But it’s the main time kids receive gifts and there’s a whole month of chilly January to thank people in. What do kids do in January otherwise?

And society won’t crumble, it just it becomes more selfish and uncaring.

Oh and now I think of it the first few years I was with my partner, his family didn’t want to even acknowledge I existed, all the lovely gifts we picked together for the babies/toddlers had the tags removed as my DP wrote my name too. Then the children were told they are from your uncle. Very very hurtful 😰

Sorry, I don’t understand. Where did I mention being British?

I’m well travelled and in my experience all cultures give, and appreciate the giving, of gifts.

Yes, imagine the DC at school hearing other Grandparents and Aunties and Uncles bought other DC gifts and they think their Grandparents and Auntie and Uncle didn't care enough to buy them anything. I think it's a bad idea not to acknowledge gifts from gifters and thank them.

Of course not, but their parents probably do- every child I know who I get a gift for, their parent sends me a pic of them with/wearing/playing with it along with a thanks and that is good enough for me, would much rather that than a letter.

Yes that is exactly what will happen. I'd give your Bil and SiL a heads up as they might want to let Grandparents gift be from them.

Yes we did that too when the DC were too young to sign their names. But as soon as they were old enough to understand they put a mark on the piece of paper with the picture - it’s never too early to teach good manners.

You didn’t. But this is a British forum. I assume many of the posters writing in this thread about 2 piles will be British as I know it’s quite embedded in the tradition. Pointing out that those that have one pile will be brought up as not appreciating others , as another poster has pointed to you, it’s a bit bonkers. Appreciation is not only on Christmas Day, in fact I find Christmas Day quite fake … put your happy face and pretend you love this present and that you’re going to give to the next charity shop. Christmas Day for me it’s becoming fake and commercial and to hide your feelings to make others happy. I guess you’re right , because I only had one pile (I even had 2 Christmas days as that’s part of our culture) I’ve grown up as a rude adult

The presents you got Your grandparents asked Santa for them.

thars what I tell my child. Think adults think more about this than kids

I think it's weird but I'm not keen on the Santa narrative anyway and wouldn't care if my child never believed in "the magic". I think kids should know who gave them gifts and who to thank.

I wouldn't write in sharpie though. They'll probably just put a sticker over it or something. I'd give it directly to the child when I saw them.

I suppose I don't consider thank you letters to be the mark of good manners- as an adult I never send them (but would thank people in other ways). Am I an uncivilised heathen, or do we just not live in Victorian times anymore and have other ways to communicate?

Nothing wrong with a text or phone call either. But not very practical for a 3 year old.

You’re not exactly disagreeing with me… I have the same POV as you, I just respect that my SIL wants to do things differently and that’s her prerogative.

I wouldn’t buy a gift for anyone if I thought it was going to be presented as a gift from Santa.

Yeah I went to school in Scotland. At best you’d have been slagged mercilessly for calling him Father Christmas 😂

But this just shows that your kudos and “credit” for the gift are more important than the child’s joy in receiving said gift. That’s a weird outlook.

No need to buy a gift then.

How do the parents explain that no one gives them presents at Christmas? But presumably they do for birthdays. Do the parents pretend that they get all their presents from Santa as well. So many questions.

I mean in theory you can skip the Christmas presents as they don't know you are buying them anything. I assume once they stop believing in Santa they wont get any presents?

We made a right rod for our backs with our DD. Made sure she knew who the presents from grandparents and aunties were from, because some of them were sticklers about receiving thank you cards, but presents from us were from Father Christmas.

Obvious question from DD - "Why did you not get me any presents?"

Had to backtrack rapidly and tell the truth about Saint Nick.

Elf on the shelf really freaked mine out. Something small creeping around at night....

When my kids asked me why I didn't get them anything I just told them that Santa got them enough & not to be greedy. Never mentioned it again. Didn't make a big deal of it.