To think this is a really weird thing to do with presents?

[Santaslittlehelper83]

So a family member has just told me that every year with the kids Xmas presents they rip off every label from presents that have been given, then tell them that all the presents are from Santa! I mean...wtf. I feel it's an odd thing to do, and also nice for the kids to know who has got them what and to appreciate and thank them for it. I've now written in sharpie across all her kids gifts! AIBU?

Their kids, they can do what they want. Once the kids grow out of Santa they’ll soon realise and it’s fine. As long as they’re thanking for birthdays and people know this is how they do Christmas (ie the parents can thank the sender) I don’t see the issue.

I owuld have hated to find out that I hadn't thanked people for presents because my parents had lied about Father Christmas bringing them. I don't generally see Father Christmas as a lie, but for some reason this I really do.

Also, part of the 'magic' of christmas was to see all the presents from relatives/friends under the tree if they popped around before Christmas. It was part of the excitement. What a shame that the children who think it all comes from Father Christmas miss out on that.

@Onlyvisiting Yes, it is a somewhat terrifying concept really! DD1 was similarly freaked out by the tooth fairy - 'She takes children's TEETH? And there was no explanation I could think on the fly that didn't sound like some sort of serial killer calling card.

I bet she wraps them again! Yes it's weird. Mine were all laid out together but I knew if it didn't have a label it was from Santa and I knew what my family had bought me and said thank you. That's awful, I hope she at least thanks u!

My husbands family has been a bit complicated with some estrangement in latter years between his Mum and her sister. His brother was involved in liaison when the grandparents (parents of Mum and Aunt) died. One of the things he noted when we were musing about such things was that his Aunt always made the effort to send birthday and Christmas cards and gifts. I'd never really thought much about it but in the absence of a free and easy relationship, the gifts symbolised the unconditional positive regard that the Aunt had for her nephews. She isn't close with any of them, as they don't want to betray their Mum but there is a degree of respect and communication can be made when needed. Those childhood gifts made her more approachable at a critical time in adulthood.
He's a lovely Uncle to my kids too (although his very organised wife buys the presents a month in advance I'm sure he'd step up if she didn't!)

This! 👏

I’m finding it strange how people buy presents for people that aren’t close relatives. I only buy for my nephew and son and parents and husband. Nobody else. I find Xmas really commercial so being honest I don’t want anyone that goes above and beyond to get a present that my son has t requested and that it’s going to end up in the charity shop or bin.

It is weird but I do think you're unreasonable to go down the sharpie route. It's petty.

I give gifts to give the receiver "joy" I don't do it for thanks.

So if I bought a family friend a gift,
instead of getting a thank you I’d be told it was secretly from Santa 😳 parents do that from their own present stash thanks.

Well obviously, I just made the birthday fairy up to make a point which was... There is nothing "miserable" about receiving gifts from family and friends. Many of us manage to create some Christmas magic AND thank those kind enough to give gifts to our kids.

I'd do this.

It's insanity pretending everything comes from Santa.

The whole Santa saga has got out of hand, along with reindeer breakfasts, elves and Christmas Eve boxes. Stockings and one main present were from Father Christmas (like a previous poster, we always preferred that name). Everything else was acknowledged from the giver.
I also find it odd the lengths some parents go to to continue the story so their children believe for longer.

I don’t agree with it , but she is the parent and that’s how she’s chosen to parent .

in the same vein , you don’t have to give a gift to the parent beforehand hand to indulge her, simply say your giving gifts the next time you see them (the child ) and hand it directly.

if mum dislikes this , maybe money in a bank account for a while is the way forward.

I actually don’t like the idea of writing in sharpie , it directly undermines mum ( and what kid is reading that on Christmas morning anyway, it will get ripped off quicker then they can blink )

I love Christmas and it’s magic , but magical Santa only ever brought one gift a year to our house, the rest were from mummy and daddy . I hate that Santa brings Xbox’s and iPads to some kids , first thing they talk about at school the next week , then other children are left sad that Santa doesn’t like them or they haven’t been good .

Why though?

All our presents when DCs were little came from Santa, as they have gotten older they know some come from us and some from Santa. However I’d never dream of telling my children the gift their grandparents or someone else got them was from Santa. If the gifter wanted to say Santa left at their house, which MIL did a couple of times, that’s up to them, but I’d find it rude if I bought someone’s child a present to be asked if it could be from Santa. I’m absolutely not about taking credit for my own DCs gifts but if I bought another child a gift I’m wanting credit, or at least wanting my DCs to get credit.

Are you sure people are just saying yes because they feel they can’t say no?

If I didn't get some form of "thank you" , I wouldn't be giving again.
And I'd tell the parent why.

Are you sure people are just saying yes because they feel they can’t say no?

This is very accurate IMO. I wouldn't say no if asked but I would feel a bit off about it. For some people, gifting is their 'love language' and it feels really rude to take something someone may have taken a lot of time and effort over as a way to show their love and strip the label off for no real purpose anyway. What benefit does it actually give the child?

Yes, I think it's a really strange thing to do. A PP said they ask the giver if it's ok if they do this when they receive presents for their dc. I would say ok, but secretly be pissed off. I also wouldn't make as much effort the following year. I just don't think every single present needs to be from santa. I think it's good to teach children to say thank you, and understand about giving as.well.as receiveing. What happens when they go back to school and say how much they had from santa, when others wont have. My children know who presents are from and they say thank you!!!

I mean maybe the X box was a bad example because really if a kid is old enough for an X box they're probably at the very least coming out of the stage where they believe in Santa anyway.

I don't know. Like I say, we do some from Santa and others from us/family etc. But I just don't get why people get sooooo wound up about other families doing things differently? It's one day a year, for a few short years when kids are small. So plenty of other opportunities through the year for "credit" and "gratitude" and "etiquette" around giving/receiving gifts when they're small and then after those few young years, it all goes "normal" anyway when they don't believe anymore.

Just seems like some people are totally over thinking it or looking for reasons to get worked up at other families.

A friend of mine is asked to buy stocking fillers for his nieces. He's not allowed to buy anything plastic. It has to be wooden and educational so he has to go to quite some trouble to find these things and then gets no credit afterwards.

YANBU. Typically, Santa delivers presents on people’s behalf. So that kids can thank the people who bought them and think of them when they use them.

I still use gifts given to me as a kid by now deceased family members and it’s lovely to think they chose them for me. The books have their messages inside.

IMHO it’s disrespectful to rip messages off gifts other people have given.

I used to feel a bit sad at kids’ parties when I’d bought a really thoughtful gift based on the interests of that particular child. And the parents just let them rip open all their presents unsupervised, without knowing who they were from.

I used to tell my kids to leave presents brought to parties until we got home. And then make sure we wrote down who’d given each gift, so they knew what to thank them for. I used to take photos to share when they were playing with or wearing the gift. I see it as appreciative and respectful. Gifts should be thoughtful, rather than any old thing. And it shares the love back for the thought to be appreciated and valued.

Nobody writes thank you letters any more. Even when I was a child a phone call was considered adequate. Now it tends to be the parents taking a photo of the child with the gift.

I feel really uncomfortable with the approach of telling kids Santa brings ALL the gifts…. Lots of kids living in poverty won’t be waking up to much under the tree next week, and to then hear from school mates that Santa has bought them a bike etc

We always do. Especially to older relatives. Send them a little card. It only takes a minute to write and post.

That's nice, but I think you're a dying breed.

I guess it’s because we know it’s nice for them to receive, put up and look at. It shows them we appreciated the gift. We love them, so a few minutes out of our day to send a little card makes sure they feel the love. That’s what I’ve instilled in the kids. To spare time in your day to show people you appreciate them, especially people who live alone, as we all may be one day.