Red Hair

[Motherland2624]

Hi 👋 i was wondering if i could get some help from you wise ladies
im 46 and have bright red hair its long well maintained and in great condition Ive had it for 10 years now i do sometimes mix it up with different shades but mostly stick to this colour
Ive recently met someone nice guy (I think ) high up corporate job nice lifestyle very casual which is ideal for me at this time in my life
He recently mentioned that my hair prevent would him from progressing to anything more serious in the future because the colour doesn’t fit in his world,I was a taken a back I’m a confident person or maybe naive I never imagined my hair colour would be a problem to anyone so AIBU should I go back to my natural colour I’ve put in a pic of my hair happy to take criticism

Bin the man not the hair

I LOVE the colour of your hair! Get rid of the man, doesn't suit you

Keep the hair, lose the arse.

Well he's not 'weak-minded', is he? He knows his mind and has told the OP. The OP should look as she wants to look so has a decision to make.

As for your liking for neck tattoos, do what you like, nobody cares but you know they will judge and make assumptions of you, fair or unfair. Up to you though, totally.

Have your hair the colour you want your choice no one elses(by the way I love it)

Put him in the bin.

I wouldn't date someone with bright red hair and I think that's perfectly OK.

The two of you just aren't compatible.

Don't change yourself to fit in to someone else's life.

That's a slippery slope to go down. First he doesn't like your hair colour, so you change. Then he doesn't like you wearing heels. You change. Then he doesn't like you wearing tight tops. You change. Short skirts. Change. Lipstick. Change. You laugh too loudly, you see your friends too much, you smiled at that stranger, change, change, change!

Or... just be yourself!

It is the same. If you think it's nit you're judging people with tattoos , in exactly the same way others judge people with dyed hair ( in non natural hair colours)

@Motherland2624 it looks lovely, but I can see why he thinks you (& he by association) wouldn't fit in, in some small villages & work places). I think it's a judgement based on thinking people with bright hair not being serious & thus not being 'corporate'/ fitting in.

id just say that we can discuss it if we ever get serious ( you can still say GTF) & ask why he thinks you'd want to move to somewhere like that??

The point is not really whether we like your hair or not, or even if he does or not. The point is that YOU like it, If you are not even a couple yet and he comes out with that, I would absolutely not change my hair for him. Honestly I could not be attracted to someone who would expect me to make that kind of change to suit 'his village'. So you change your hair what next? Is your skirt too short? Your dress too tight? Tell him that's a shame that his small mindedness means he misses out on the best opportunity he ever had.

Your hair is gorgeous, bin that knobhead. As the saying goes, when people tell you who they are, believe them!

Because this is MN. I had to reread the OP’s posts to see where he commanded she change her hair colour. I couldn’t find it. Yes, he’s too worried about what other people think but he never told her to change her hair colour.

His world sounds shit.

Well - the man sounds like a bit of an arse

However, purely to advise you on the hair, you could go for a cherry cola red? Very on trend. Or a well maintained ginger?

I think that the answer is also gloss. Think Carla Connor from corrie - glossiness is as important as colour

I love the length, I love when women keep their hair long

If he's the kind of man you want, op, and he's offering you the life you want, I personally would compromise to get it (I know that's not a popular answer, but an honest one)

Although it's important to maintain your independence so I definitely wouldn't see or frame it as giving in - I'd see it as just taking inspiration and trying something new. And being clear that you're not gonna change yourself for him

But if you don't want to, dont change! xx

RED flag. How is your response not 'are you fucking serious?!' though? You are considering changing something about yourself you've been happy with for over 10 years because of an arsehole man? Do not proceed with this ffs

Thank you for all the comments and the hair love ❤️ I love my hair it’s who I am but I’m conflicted
Yes whoever said it I’m good enough to have sex but not enough to go to his works Christmas party
He is a bit of a mess emotionally and his ex wife (who is a stunning blonde) still dominates his everyday thoughts I think he was just swiping through tinder to get laid and validation
I’m happy to remain friends with benefits tbh as I have a very busy life of my own it’s just a whole new world to me where you are judged like that x

I voted Yabu.

Yabu for not immediately breaking off whatever casual relationship you have with this 'man'.

He has no respect for you.

@Motherland2624 - you wrote "I’m happy to remain friends with benefits tbh as I have a very busy life of my own it’s just a whole new world to me where you are judged like that x"

With all due respect, please don't be a friend with benefits to this bloke. He's not worth opening a front door to let alone your legs!

He wants what he wants. You want what you want. Those are different, so just move on.

He is because he's caved to some invisible external factor by suggesting that people in his village might have an opinion on the colour of op's hair. Pathetic really.

If he doesn’t want to stand out, I suggest he doesn’t dye his hair red. What you do with your hair is absolutely none of his business!

So his ex wife dumped him?

I wouldn’t even bother with the fwb aspect to be honest.

What on earth kind of village does he live in in 2024 that would be having the vapours over dyed red hair?

I like red hair - natural, like ginger/auburn, but I don't like the colour of your hair on the picture in your first post sorry @Motherland2624

However, this bloke is a prize twat. Bin him. Don't change yourself for ANY man. Fuck that shit. Is he actually serious?! What a nob!

And from your third post, it sounds like he is not over his ex wife. Does he want you to go blonde by any chance?

Dump him. As a pp said, don't bother with FWB either. He sounds unstable!

I think your hair looks stunning!

I live in a small, 'conservative' and my purple hair doesn't seem to cause me any issues. My neighbours speak to me, invite me to their homes and I'm served in the pub

I wouldn't necessarily dump him - he could be making sweeping assumptions about his neighbours that are incorrect. I agree he may face problems if he tried to appear as a KC in the Crown Court, or if in the Armed forces.

Certainly don't change your colour - unless you fancy trying purple!

It's the colour of Ariel's in The Little Mermaid! 😍

Keep the red - wash that man right out of your hair... sounds like he sees women as accessories the the Magnificent Him... 🤢