Red Hair

[Motherland2624]

Hi 👋 i was wondering if i could get some help from you wise ladies
im 46 and have bright red hair its long well maintained and in great condition Ive had it for 10 years now i do sometimes mix it up with different shades but mostly stick to this colour
Ive recently met someone nice guy (I think ) high up corporate job nice lifestyle very casual which is ideal for me at this time in my life
He recently mentioned that my hair prevent would him from progressing to anything more serious in the future because the colour doesn’t fit in his world,I was a taken a back I’m a confident person or maybe naive I never imagined my hair colour would be a problem to anyone so AIBU should I go back to my natural colour I’ve put in a pic of my hair happy to take criticism

I'd be very concerned about how far his controlling behaviour will go. He may be testing the water by trying to get you to change your hair...pretty soon he might tell you how he 'prefers' you to wear (or not wear) certain clothes, hang out with certain people.... A year from now would you recognise yourself?
Please save yourself a lot of hassle and tell him you change for no one.

Giant red flag 🚩 this as other have said is the first stage of control and abuse. In the bin he goes 🗑️

"I feel for you if something like a hair colour could impact you so significantly. Good luck going forward"

I think your hair colour is gorgeous and just wish mine was thick enough to try it! However, he has told you that he would feel uncomfortable moving forward from a very casual basis with you because of it and I don't see anything wrong in him telling you how it is tbh. I've always preferred a partner to be honest about stuff like this rather than string me along. Yes, he's not for you, but I wouldn't blame him for speaking out however much I disagree with his views.

If something as simple as your hair colour makes you incompatible (in his eyes) imagine what other issues are going to come up. He’s going to want to change so much about you, that’s not a relationship you need to be pursuing. Keep being you & only change your hair colour to colours you want, not for a man that can’t cope with red hair…

I'd be thanking him massively for helping you to dodge a bullet......then I'd be telling him to go and do one.

I'd say you're incompatible and he isn't a nice person. I will bet you even if you change your hair it will be something else next.

I just can’t believe you’ve reached 46 years of age and seriously think a ‘nice guy’ would tell you your hair colour will be an issue for the people of his village so you should change it, this has to be a wind up!

Well at least you didnt waste much time on him, huh? He sounds like a twat.

Aposematism is a defence strategy where prey discourage predators from attacking by using warning signals such as bright colours, patterns etc. Seems like it's working in this instance - good riddance to bad rubbish!

I would be really careful going forward, @Motherland2624

To me this is a massive red flag. If you give in and change your hair, then it's your makeup, your clothes, your shoes, the TV programmes you watch, your friends, your cooking, your hobbies etc etc until there's nothing of you left and you are in a place where your self confidence is shot to pieces and you can't make a decision about anything because you can't trust your own judgement.

If he doesn't like your hair why did he take up with you in the first place.

In my experience it can be how coercive control starts.

There will be another man who loves it and thinks it's brilliant.

He sounds hugely insecure!

My personal opinion is that this colour hair is pretty tacky and cheap looking.

however that is just my opinion. You may think things I wear etc may be tacky.

the important point is that you like your hair.

dont let a man tell you how to look or dress.

DaisyChain505 · Today 10:49
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My personal opinion is that this colour hair is pretty tacky and cheap looking”

I think it’s beautiful. Strong and glossy in excellent condition. I have long, naturally blonde hair. I’d dye mine like OP’s if I had the confidence.

I think that confidence would be a very attractive asset to an employer, OP.

That's not really the point though. It's not OP looking for a role in financial services. If the industry is so up itself that it judges someone on the colour of their partner's hair, it's got a problem.

Wanker

I do like it when it's answered in the first post!

Why on earth does he care what people in a small village think about you? How does he even know? They're probably a whole lot more broad-minded than he thinks. I suspect that the worst that would happen if you turned up on his arm is that some of his neighbours would envy you and/or him.

Can't be very good at his job if a hair colour of his partner would affect it...

Surely it would be you that it prevented from climbing the corporate ladder or fitting into the village? Not him?

If you wanted to fit it you might consider changing but unless the colour is running and ruining his suit or sofa then I can’t see how your hair has any impact on his lifestyle.

Make a red flag to match the colour of your hair and stick the pole up his bottom.

Imagine, the only red in the village 😱

He can't be much cop if your hair colour would prevent him from doing well 😂 What a twat. Not sure if he's very insecure or negging, but either way not someone I'd be interested in.

@Motherland2624 RED FLAGS

He's trying to neg you. Subtly change you to his preferences. Don't let him.

He either wants you as you are or you dump him. He's talking utter bollocks about fitting in!

DO NOT let him change you.

ps Your hair is gorgeous.

Keep the hair and ditch the arse hole!

You wouldn't be promoted because your partner has red hair?
I am surprised you retain staff to be honest. No job should have this much hand in someone's relationship.