To enjoy doing these things alone?

[RamblingAlone]

After a rather messy and lengthy break up, I have been trying to regain confidence and take more care of myself, both physically and emotionally. So far, so good!

In the past 6 months I have been on holiday, started to work with ceramics, found some good stress relief with yoga, and got back into hiking, as I live very close to a national park.
I take great care, am sensible and never take risks, and it has been fantastic to nod in silent solidarity to other lone women out there, often a good bit older then myself. This has done me the world of good, increased my fitness, and vastly improved my mental health.
I am careful about when, where and how I hike, and am decently experienced (map reading, etc).

I only have a few close friends and family, most having lost touch over the years, so am also hoping to spread my wings further and make some new connections. Unfortunately, my two closest friends (my sister and a long term female friend) have been a bit off with me since I started gaining confidence. I don't really know why, and I shoved it away for a good while, but it is beginning to get to me a little.

There have a been a few comments concerning me being single, suggesting that I am not truly happy and that I ought to be prioritising looking for a man. Needless to say, after 20 yrs of marriage I am NOT thinking of settling down yet at all, even if I do eventually.

What really got to me this past month - I covered two large fells that had been on my bucket list - early morning, good weather, populated trails, etc. I was so, so excited to report back about how happy I felt, it is just the most wonderful feeling in the world to me!
The responses were quite flat: that I ought to never hike alone with out a man, that I could easily die or get murdered. One suggested that I should perhaps join a local painting club, or narrow it down to dog walking for money so that I could 'get it out of my system'.

Would this bother you? It feels far more than merely protective, and along with a few other odd comments along the lines of "Why are you letting your hair grow 'straggly? it suits you much better short" and "You're almost 50 now, you need to take it easy" make me feel awkward, to the point where I feel less inclined to keep them informed about what I am up to.
The friend I mentioned above has behaved quite differently towards me since I stopped grieving/hurting, to be honest, which leaves me with a crappy feeling..

I find people are weirdly resentful when you pick up new hobbies in your 40s; I've got a couple of things I do now, that I do fairly well and are really solo interests, and they eye-rolling that accompanies any discussion of it is unreal.

I assume it's a kind of jealousy from woman who aren't pursuing things that interest them, for a variety of reasons.

Sneerers really are the most boring fuckers.

My sister asked me last night to not go hiking again until summer as she was so so frightened for me.
Those words infuriated me, as we are not even that close - she lives like a prisoner in her own home, self imposed, and I wonder if I am irritating them both now that I am not sat sobbing in bed depressed any more. It makes me somewhat angry.

Well, I should think it can be dangerous, especially in winter. I'm no expert, but I did find this

www.walklakes.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=559

You are allowed to be happily single, whatever shape that takes, whatever if means for you. If you feel safe and enjoyment, I don’t know you but I love it for you.

I walked several long-distance paths by myself snd loved every second. People can be very weird about solo rural walking, including on here. You would think people were proposing a solo attempt on the north face of the Eiger in sandals after a bus full of murderers stopped nearby.

You very done 20 years service in a marriage
Now go free and fly
Ignore them

You sound a bit like me OP, even down to the snide comments I received from some... I put it down to jealousy and cracked on 😆I'm near the lakes, and whilst yes it can be dangerous there's no reason why a well-prepared person can't go walking alone. Enjoy, and good for you!

If your Sister is in self imposed prison then I imagine she might be a little bit envious of your confidence. Ignore the negative remarks and enjoy doing the things you love. Better yet find friends who will celebrate and encourage you.

Oh gosh, what a downer!!!! You'll maybe need to shut them down with comments like 'why can't you be happy for me?' 'Women are allowed to leave the house you know' Or 'I'm doing it whether you like it or not' 😂

What you are doing sounds fantastic and you are taking all the reasonable precautions. Don't let them piss on your parade! Enjoy and relish your freedom.

Have you considered doing the Camino de Santiago? Loads of women walk this solo.

Are they really unhappy with their own lives by any chance?

Yep I’ve gotten like this since my kids were born! Used to do everything with my husband but now we have babies at home it forced me to start doing things alone

I go out every Sunday morning and a few evenings a week

I’ve picked up
reformer Pilates
open water swimming
rock climbing
Kayaking
roller skating

i love it all and am loving time to myself

some activities are group activities do not as solo as your hiking!

i think it’s great you found something you love :)

I have a friend who thinks I do too much and should rest more and relax a bit thinks I’m overdoing it etc (always negative )

You are reminding them of the cage they’ve made for themselves so rather than escape it they would want you to do the same because your new found confidence and sense of freedom unnerves them.

I go hill walking, a lot. I do many by myself and any aghast pearl clutching at this is usually from females. It pisses me off hugely. Do they think I’m less capable? Do they think I’m in danger of being attacked? Less likely in the middle of nowhere. There’s no one so down on females as other females. Fuck them and go you! It’s liberating and you’re fabulous!

Thanks!

I only do low level fells, I wouldn't even do Helvellyn alone.
I m talking Wansfell and Loughrigg, various trails in light rain, nothing more.
I start early and only on mild days, and make sure to turn back if I even spot a sense of uncertainty.
I have seen so many older women alone up there, not even stopping to take a breath, they have inspired me to continue!

I think if they'd said they were hoping I had safety in mind and knew my stuff, that would be great, but "I am so so so so frightened for you" is a weird thing to say and feels like plain manipulation.

You do you! Good job!

If you are at all concerned about safety OP you could buy a mini satellite communication device. The one I've seen adventurous hikers recommend is the Garmin inReach mini, they're about £200.

I am back home on Friday so will not be hiking up here again for a little while, so I made sure I got a lot done.
I will and am always learning more about safety, and never really plan to do anything too strenuous or difficult. My routes are really low key, hiking wise.

What's crazy is that even my ex is championing me, telling me I fulfilled a dream and says he is proud of me - and my fucking friends are downers!

Overlooked this, apologies!
I love this website and visit it often, the maps are a bit less vague than some!
Worth a visit for the dog!

YANBU. they sound jealous of your independence and new found confidence.

You sound amazing! Don't take any notice of them at all. You going hiking on your own would concern me a little if you were my friend but I would encourage you to join a walking group rather than remarry so that you don't have to be alone!

I think their behaviour and comments say more about them than about you. And what it says is not good. I don’t understand everyone wanting everyone to be the same or being threatened by people -women particularly - doing things differently to them. Maybe your independence and confidence reflects badly on how they feel about their lives. Or maybe they’re just narrow minded.

Id be tempted to say ‘you don’t get out much do you’? When they patronise you with their comments.

I love going out for a days hike on my own, getting home in the evening and having a hot shower, feet up and feeling tired and satisfied. No other feeling quite like it.
Never bothers me that I'm on my own, feel free and happy. No one else to answer to, can walk at my own pace, and can soak up the scenery with no distractions. And it feels so enpowering.

People who are frightened of being alone (full stop) project their fears onto people who are relishing their solo activities.

You're obviously not a silly walker. Ignore them. Grow your hair more straggly!

I know the feeling! Just ignore them and carry on doing what you want.

I can totally relate to this.

I go mountain climbing, I love exercise and I enjoy reading / listening to podcasts about science.

You would not believe how much this seems to upset some people.

If you're not sitting around watching trash TV and gossiping about celebrities, there's something wrong with you apparently.

You are not doing anything wrong

by the way Latterbarrow from Hawkshead is a lovely walk and an amazing view from the top, if you want you can extend it to Claife Heights where there are more great views and lots of little tarns. Beware the Claife Cryer though 👻
Black fell from Tarn Hows is also lovely. As is Levers water via the coppermines half way up Coniston old Man. One more is Easedale Tarn from grassmere.