To enjoy doing these things alone?

[RamblingAlone]

After a rather messy and lengthy break up, I have been trying to regain confidence and take more care of myself, both physically and emotionally. So far, so good!

In the past 6 months I have been on holiday, started to work with ceramics, found some good stress relief with yoga, and got back into hiking, as I live very close to a national park.
I take great care, am sensible and never take risks, and it has been fantastic to nod in silent solidarity to other lone women out there, often a good bit older then myself. This has done me the world of good, increased my fitness, and vastly improved my mental health.
I am careful about when, where and how I hike, and am decently experienced (map reading, etc).

I only have a few close friends and family, most having lost touch over the years, so am also hoping to spread my wings further and make some new connections. Unfortunately, my two closest friends (my sister and a long term female friend) have been a bit off with me since I started gaining confidence. I don't really know why, and I shoved it away for a good while, but it is beginning to get to me a little.

There have a been a few comments concerning me being single, suggesting that I am not truly happy and that I ought to be prioritising looking for a man. Needless to say, after 20 yrs of marriage I am NOT thinking of settling down yet at all, even if I do eventually.

What really got to me this past month - I covered two large fells that had been on my bucket list - early morning, good weather, populated trails, etc. I was so, so excited to report back about how happy I felt, it is just the most wonderful feeling in the world to me!
The responses were quite flat: that I ought to never hike alone with out a man, that I could easily die or get murdered. One suggested that I should perhaps join a local painting club, or narrow it down to dog walking for money so that I could 'get it out of my system'.

Would this bother you? It feels far more than merely protective, and along with a few other odd comments along the lines of "Why are you letting your hair grow 'straggly? it suits you much better short" and "You're almost 50 now, you need to take it easy" make me feel awkward, to the point where I feel less inclined to keep them informed about what I am up to.
The friend I mentioned above has behaved quite differently towards me since I stopped grieving/hurting, to be honest, which leaves me with a crappy feeling..

It's more about cutting off the comments from the sibling than needing to karate chop an assailant.

Plus @RamblingAlone seems to be enjoying learning new things, so it's a win/win in my book.

Yes, but also that they’re pushed into being ‘not quite ladylike’ by the tragic absence of A Man. If there were A Man, the woman in question could revert to the natural state of things and be helped over a stile in a nice frock and a parasol, rather than striding up a fell in outdoor gear and a rucksack.

Sure, but unless the OP wants to learn Krav Maga or something (and you’re right, she might well enjoy it), she should feel free to just tell the tutters that she’s a Third Dan Black Belt in whatever.

Or just laugh at them and point out that an assailant waiting behind a cairn on a winter fell for a possible victim to pass may have a long wait, and may well be more likely to have died of exposure and boredom than to have found someone to attack.

That is true, given that the natural state of a proper lady is to be decorative rather than functional.

Logically, going on a Survival Skills course would be more useful for going hill walking than Martial Arts.

The most likely thing to happen is straining her ankle.

People are projecting their fears and issues on to you. Just live your life and enjoy it and if people share their crap with you about things you love, don't tell them about it. Well done on taking hold of your life and living it the way you want. Enjoy your longer hair and your lovely walks, it all sounds fabulous to me. Let them live small, you don't have to do the same. x

Of course, by the time things are physical, it is probably too late, but self defense for single women also teaches situational awareness and self confidence in dealing with potentially difficult situations.

Speaking as a fellow single woman, the latter is a good skill to have, particularly for fending off well meaning, smug marrieds!

These courses can also be a good way of meeting like minded women and it does seem like the OP could do with some of those in her circle.

I'm going to assume that you are as capable and intelligent as you appear and have applied that by researching safety while on the fells. You clearly are more competent than your very unreasonable relatives suggest.

May I recommend High Spy to Catbells for a fair winter day? It's a beautiful ridge walk but can be a bit overpopulated in the summer. Walla Crag is similarly one of my winter walks as there's less people about.

Well I walked a long distance trail alone after my divorce... best thing I've ever done. But no one who doesn't do similar understood it.
Find other women who do understand and share your excitement and achievements with them is my only advice. Don't stop walking if it brings you joy!!

I honestly think other woman are often womens worst enemy.

A couple of people have mentioned emergency beacons and it is worth considering. Ones like the garmin reach have a monthly subscription and let you communicate via text with others but also have an SOS button. Or personal locator beacons, which is what I have. This is just an SOS button which when pushed will result in local rescue services being notified. These are especially useful if you walk in areas where there isn't many other people. Mobile phone coverage is limited in many walking areas and these work via satellite.

I have walked the entire coast to coast walk, across high fells and lonely moors, peat bogs and waist high floods, in rain and sleet and fog, eating in tiny pubs and sheltering in tiny churches entirely and blissfully alone. As well as the West Highland Way, the Cleveland Way, Offa’s Dyke (but a friend joined me there halfway) and the Dalesway.

When did my danger instincts kick in most often on these adventures? A couple of times I’ve been worried about being lost in fog on the tops when visibility is poor, one time I hurt my ankle. But more often in the evenings when encountering men in the only pub for miles!

100% I have had so many comments from family as pre child I would go to the theatre alone - not all the time but semi-regularly.

I wanted to go and see more shows than my partner or friends did and I didn't want to miss them. Once you sit down and the lights are down you don't talk to who you're with!

They can't imagine doing anything alone so thought I was so weird. Yet if I stayed home and did nothing there wouldn't be an issue

Sounds great to me, you enjoy yourself

Yes, unless you’re going to go for a drink or dinner before or after, cinema and theatre are a complete waste of good company, as they involve sitting silently in the dark watching something. Having someone you know alongside doesn’t add anything to the experience.

If i had the choice between going for dinner with friends or going to the theatre with friends, I would choose the dinner without thinking twice. That way I get to do something that would be far less fun solo. Theatre is just as good by yourself.

I think if you value the friendship and want to give it one last try to resolve, you need to sit them down and have a serious, direct conversation about how they are making you feel, and that if they can't be supportive of you seeking happiness in your own way, they aren't really friends at all!

I think they probably feel you are going to grow away from them. This is a fairly common feeling in all types of relationships , the sense that you are doing something to better yourself and somehow that is going to change you as a person so that you no longer feel the same towards your loved ones/ friends.
Also a single confident woman is an attractive proposition or a threat depending on who you are. That's another reason to get you back in the dating game before their partners start noticing you.

They lack confidence, they're jealous of yours. Just see less of them, you don't need their negativity. I would think you're pretty much at the 'idgaf what anyone else thinks' stage of life anyway.
I hope you find other strong independent women to befriend. My close friend (also just came out of a 20 yr relationship ) is off hiking on the other side of the world alone and having a wonderful life changing experience. All the men in her life tried to stop her

Honestly if you were my sister I would have been so proud of you (and probably asked if I could tag along and ruined your solo hiking). You are doing so well. I don’t really get it, I would have said “don’t get murdered and suggested you wear an airtag because I’m paranoid but you sound like you are so self sufficient and doing great.

I think when someone does something you could in theory do you get either a “hmm i’ve been thinking I could start this hobby I’ve been thinking of” or “this makes me uncomfortable about my own limited life, I don’t like it”. It holds a mirror up.

Ignore and enjoy yourself!

Oh, OP, I'm a worrier by design, so if you were my sister/friend I'd also be worried about you hiking alone (incidentally, I'm a massive consumer of true crime 😬). Of course hiking alone is always riskier for anyone, and the you add the sex component.
Having said that, I totally sense some envy here from their part. I don't think it has to do with genuine worry at all. Some people feel better when others are having a bad time, it gives them some purpose I guess. Again, some people need everybody to do life exactly like they do, or else they loose all confidence in their own life choices. So they feel threatened when someone chooses a different path. Could this be what's happening?

My DH does solo fell walking, wild camping and long distance walks. He often sees solo women of all ages doing all these things throughout the year.

My dd has solo travelled numerous times and the most our older relatives have said is how brave she is.

Women do things on their own. It's not news.

Yes those comments sounds very manipulative and jealous, they don't want you to enjoy yourself!

I am a hill person and LOVE the feeling of achievement that comes with a successful solo trip or day out. If you are experienced / route plan / pack and dress appropriately it is far less dangerous than a drunken night out in a city! I have female friends in their 60s, 70s, 80s and nearly 90 who still go hiking, in groups and on their own. It is so good for your physical and mental health.

I have friends who don't and never will get it. I just don't tell them what I am doing in any detail to avoid the dramatic reactions. You can still be friends with them, just be vague about your trips. If they insist on patronising you, just say "thank you for your concern, but what I am doing is perfectly safe. What are you doing to stay fit these days?"

Why don't you join a hiking club and make some new friends who get it?

Totally recommend the 2-day REC outdoor first aid course!

There's some amazing women doing fab things out there. Even more important to do physical things in your 50s to prevent bone & muscle loss.

I've got nothing helpful to add because I've only been to the Lake District once, but i just wanted to say that I'm loving the OPs zest for life and all the lovely supportive comments. This is how Mumsnet used to be, it was brilliant.

Your sister is most likely envious of your physical and mental freedom - do you think she'd ever like to come for a very gentle hike with you?

If you ever fancy a change from the Lakes, the Black Mountain and the Brecon Beacons are challenging but utterly beautiful.

This ^^

you’re doing brilliantly OP by finding things that bring you joy. Find new people that will radiate that joy back to you. Have you thought about looking on MeetUp for a local hiking group - or if there isn’t one, starting your own?

I still go to theatre alone. That way I don’t have to worry about anyone else. It’s perfect.