To enjoy doing these things alone?

[RamblingAlone]

After a rather messy and lengthy break up, I have been trying to regain confidence and take more care of myself, both physically and emotionally. So far, so good!

In the past 6 months I have been on holiday, started to work with ceramics, found some good stress relief with yoga, and got back into hiking, as I live very close to a national park.
I take great care, am sensible and never take risks, and it has been fantastic to nod in silent solidarity to other lone women out there, often a good bit older then myself. This has done me the world of good, increased my fitness, and vastly improved my mental health.
I am careful about when, where and how I hike, and am decently experienced (map reading, etc).

I only have a few close friends and family, most having lost touch over the years, so am also hoping to spread my wings further and make some new connections. Unfortunately, my two closest friends (my sister and a long term female friend) have been a bit off with me since I started gaining confidence. I don't really know why, and I shoved it away for a good while, but it is beginning to get to me a little.

There have a been a few comments concerning me being single, suggesting that I am not truly happy and that I ought to be prioritising looking for a man. Needless to say, after 20 yrs of marriage I am NOT thinking of settling down yet at all, even if I do eventually.

What really got to me this past month - I covered two large fells that had been on my bucket list - early morning, good weather, populated trails, etc. I was so, so excited to report back about how happy I felt, it is just the most wonderful feeling in the world to me!
The responses were quite flat: that I ought to never hike alone with out a man, that I could easily die or get murdered. One suggested that I should perhaps join a local painting club, or narrow it down to dog walking for money so that I could 'get it out of my system'.

Would this bother you? It feels far more than merely protective, and along with a few other odd comments along the lines of "Why are you letting your hair grow 'straggly? it suits you much better short" and "You're almost 50 now, you need to take it easy" make me feel awkward, to the point where I feel less inclined to keep them informed about what I am up to.
The friend I mentioned above has behaved quite differently towards me since I stopped grieving/hurting, to be honest, which leaves me with a crappy feeling..

I think your life sounds wonderful. I go hiking on my own and I’m married with 2 kids (could be why I’m happy to go on my own 🤣).

ignore the negative nancies. If you are interested in hiking with others, you could find a local hiking group. It might be a good way to meet people with common interests. I joined a ladies outdoor adventure group that I found on Facebook. Even so, I still go on my own because I don’t like making plans. Do what makes you happy and keep living your best life.

Definitely this.
Our old town (moved away since) was highly populated and very large, and I would never feel comfortable going out to the local shop alone at night and was far more likely to come across drugs, gangs of men drinking and vandalism on lone walks there than in the fells. Whilst there are dangerous people 'everywhere', it's worth noting!

You sound wonderful and inspiring:). Ignore the haters and live your fullest active life. I also hike and do quite an isolated hobby alone and get a few weird remarks. Couldn't care less what people think! Everyone has different levels of risk they're comfortable with and I'm happy to take my chances on this one.

Thank you everyone for the encouraging words, and also for the tips about safety.
For now I am only doing really simple stuff, and won't be back for a month or two, so having done what I have this year, I am extremely happy to ride on that for a little while!

I don't think it is jealousy, they are not interested in anything more taxing than Beatrix Potter, but that's fair enough, many people prefer the attractions and pubs to hiking, we are all different. I have a deep, what you might call 'spiritual' sort of urge to be amongst them (the fells), as if we are tethered somehow. It is hard to explain.

My sister and friend have been behaving this way for a few years now, and do seem to have been happier when I was sat in bed depressed as my marriage was dying.
My sister only seemed interested in me remaining living close by so that I could do stuff for her, be on call for her problems. Both my ex and I had to move after selling our place and are now renting (we had a lovely but not very valuable 2 bed flat) so took the opportunity to move closer to the Lakes.

It seems tragic that my ex champions and supports what I am doing yet my sister and friend don't. We do get along a lot better now that we are apart, and he always knew this was my dream.

I agree with people who have advised me to make new connections with people who share my interest. I will definitely try to do that, and intend to find some walking groups this summer.

Nothing wrong with aspiring to be a hag with a cat though! That is another of my ambitions

It's been interesting to hear everyone's thoughts about what 'women' do alone, there are some odd preconceptions aren't there? I hadn't thought of it like that.
I recall my friend was also a bit off with me when I started to enjoy yoga, even though she had once done it herself.
My sister has a big lovely home, money, all the freedom in the world yet won't chase any dream or desire, always has excuses not to have fun. I always tell her life's too short, and she agrees, but nothing changes.

I am walking the South West Coastal Path alone and I mostly have the opposite problem of lovely well meaning female friends saying 'oooh I'd love to join you for a stretch' and me thinking I adore you but this is my alone thing so thanks but no thanks. My Mum thinks it an odd thing to do but doesn't criticise, she asks me to make sure my DH has an exact plan of my precise route and where I should be when etc. and we leave their house with DH saying 'you don't really have to do that you know'. And I personally wouldn't want to join a walking group. I am slow and not very fit, and I want to tailor what I do to suit me alone really. That's part of the joy - to do as much or as little as I choose on my own terms.

If anybody wanted to judge or comment in the way you are suggesting, then that is a reflection on them rather than on what you are doing. You are having a fabulous time doing something that is great for mind, body and soul.

FWIW I have really never felt at risk on the path, over and above a normal risk for a normal everyday kind of a walk. It is well marked, some stretches are tough, but there are usually enough people around most stretches to know I wouldn't be lay with a broken ankle for days, but also not so many that I am queuing to go over a stile or whatever. I am well prepared and take plenty of supplies, and am never more than about 5 miles from a car park, because I don't walk more than about 10 miles in a day, so it's remote, but not 'too' remote, if you know what I mean.

I've done about 250 miles, and have about 400 to go. So to me, there is definitely nothing wrong with doing this kind of thing alone!

Also wanted to mention that I have not replied to the recent texts from them. I am not going to. I will check in for xmas and not even mention it. I don't wish to get into it with them as I doubt they care, and are hardly likely to change.

I just don't want it to dampen my spirits now that I am enjoying my urge to build a life for myself. It's scary enough as it is.

I don't intend to always hike alone, but this time there was no one to join me, and I didn't want to pass it up. I am so very glad that I have started to do things for myself, so when doing them with others it will feel like an added bonus. It's great to see so many older women out there hiking, fitter than myself, and confident. That has really given me a boost.

Just thought - my sister used to ride her horse on trails and through lonely places as a teen, often taking me out with her (I was younger), and it was considered fairly ordinary to do so. Perhaps she has forgotten that lone women can actually leave the 'safety' of their car for more than 10 mins at a time.

Oh and I always give someone I trust my routes and keep checking in at intervals when I am out there.

What you are doing sounds great. You might want to point out to your sister she is probably in more danger staying at home. They reckon most accidents happen at home, and that is before you factor in the risk of being too sedentary.

It’s so tedious isn’t it. I’m in my late fifties and like to go off camping on my own, the more remote the better and often no phone signal. I’ve got good quality equipment and am quite capable of looking after myself. My friends and family are horrified and think I should stay home and fester in front of the tv.

This year I went abroad on my own and had a great time walking around exploring, eating at little out of the way restaurants and catching the bus to various places. Apparently I should have stayed safely beside the pool with a book.

Already planning next year’s trips!

Do what makes you happy.
I see lots of lone walkers in the Lakes. Obviously be properly kitted out for the conditions and let people know your route and time of return - that’s just common sense.

Some people are disproportionately fearful about women walking / travelling alone, and I think they're just projecting that on to you. I've experienced similar reactions from certain people to me going running alone, especially at night. It's incredibly tedious.

It sounds like your family are a very unadventurous bunch of wet blankets - ignore their nonsense and carry on doing what you love. They're basically threatened by the fact that you're more adventurous and imaginative than they are.

I honestly feel my sister doesn't like me doing anything different, more so due to her wanting me at her beck and call than any kind of jealousy.

My first walk alone this year was up Wansfell pike, not difficult but very steep and rocky. I was so excited that I attached a photo of the summit and views in an email to her later that afternoon. I don't usually send her images, but like I said, I was deliriously chuffed.
Her reply was "gosh isn't it miserable and bleak?"

Now lots of people think the bloody north is bleak but she could have mustered up a polite reply. I certainly would have done if she'd sent me a photo from, say, Disneyland.

Party poopers! Agghhh.

And she absolutely LOVES the lakes! She used to have a little caravan up there when younger. So strange how suddenly it's 'bleak'.

Enjoy your freedom and your walks/hikes. People can be so strange.

I was single for years and did everything alone. I’m still a loner. I used to find that ‘married’ women were the first to ever comment negatively about anything I may be doing, made me feel like I shouldn’t leave the house without a husband….but I don’t have one!

I have a DP now but we both do a lot of things alone. Bike rides, cinema or theatre trips, walks, coffees all alone.

Just another voice saying bloody good on you, love! Take no notice of the misery guts (gutses?)

My dd is in her mid 30s and single. She very often does this sort of walking on her own or withher brothers dog.
She showed me a video of somewhere near Halifax, it was some sort of wailing tower and it was very foggy and spooky, not a soul about. I was freaked out but did I say anything negative? No because she enjoys it and she's a grown up.