FERAL xmas day gift opening

[HebburnPokemon]

AIBU to cringe and feel deflated on xmas morning when the kids (we have a few, aged 7-14) dive into the presents like feral animals, rip open the wrapping on their gifts, not even properly look at the gift before moving to the next, sometimes not even finishing removing the wrapping paper. No thank you. No comment about the gift. Just manic, uncivilised chaos. :( Then disappear back to their rooms.

I admit it, i come from a 'feral family'. It is absolutely normal where i come from
When I met OH family I felt their way was shocking!! - handing out one present at a time.

Our kids are grown now and me and OH have said lets do one present every hour this Christmas , and that sounds lovely

Id let little kids be feral
They are only arent thanking you after every gift because of excitement, let it go

Older teens can enjoy watching their siblings.

Ah let them be it's part of my memory of Xmas. When all opened then they can go through them. We always said thank you and rang family to tell them we loved the gift 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think people are watching one person open all their presents then move on to the next person, that does sound tedious. Each person opens one present in turn then go round again. At least that’s what we do.

Sorry, I may have misconstrued what you meant.

@Nanny0gg

No, I commented above.

maybe they all dislike each other and want to get it over and done with asap then retreat.

we’ve always done it that kids open at the same time, but the excitement meant that showing mum and dad what Santa had brought was part of it! So yes it was a mess, wrapping paper everywhere (and still is. We have to stop midway and tidy up before any presents get lost) but there was no disappearing into rooms. There would always be thank yous and chatting about presents as we go.

The adults would take it in turns of 2s lol. Me and my sister, our partners, then my mum and dad. But all piles of presents are handed out at the same time and everyone sees what everyone has got.

They only do it because they receive too much.

I hand out all the presents, one or two at a time. Everyone watches and waits their turn. Joint presents get opened together.

Op if your older kids get fewer higher value presents I'm sure they realise that, and would end up finishing opening their presents sooner anyway.

Hand out one or two at a time to tour younger kids if you wanted to even it up.

Personally I don't like the feral stuff, it made me incredibly anxious and stressed as a kid, I'd be bollocked for not showing excitement properly and told I'm ungreatful. It was very very common for the kids in my extended family to be encouraged to dive in. And my sibling continued that with their children.

They're actually all very lovely kids and nice to be around and super thankful, I allowed my dd to open how she wanted which has always been slowly and studying each item and I don't rush her. Same for bdays and other gift giving occasions, I've been criticised for it so often because the rest of my family hand her a gift and then rush her to get the next one opened.

I think in this scenario because the op is a stepmum, her trying to change the way Xmas is done for her step kids isn't as simple as telling her it's her job to not allow it. Step mums get told they're overstepping boundaries for much much less than changing how Xmas day has always been done before blending. They're told to be passive and detach if they don't like parenting choices of the stepkids parents.

Mine tear into the gifts like animals, but they know better than to make a swift exit without even a thank you. I'd be very upset.

But...and I'm sorry to say this...if it's always been like this, then I'm sorry it'll probably never change. How there isn't even an expectation of a thank you I don't know.

Me and other half had very different present opening upbringing. My parents were super slow, they even are now to the point of being tedious tbh as they save them and make everyone watch them open. My other half has a big family and theirs was more carnage. So I try and go somewhere in-between and I will break it up with breakfast etc. I know some kids that get up at 5 and are done by 6 and I won't have that.

I think most Catholic countries do this. My husband describes it being like this when he was a kid but he never imposed it on our own kids as we're in the UK and do it like most other people here

I'd say we're partially domesticated. Happy to let the kids open their main gifts at their pace, these gifts are usually in little piles placed away from the tree in a pre-chosen spot. That said they aren't fully feral when left to their own devices, they do naturally stop and show each other things of particular delight, chat away, totally unwrap items, unbox, and give thanks as they go. I think I would step in if it had ever got too hectic. Under tree presents from family and friends are handed out afterwards, usually in rounds i.e gifts from Aunty X then a round from Aunty Y, labels read, gifts commented on and noted for thanks etc.

Haven't RTFT in full but I was going to vote YABU to have allowed this situation to develop until I read that DH likes it this way and thinks it's normal. In fact it is apparently quite normal in some households, much to my bemusement.

I wouldn't like it at all and it's not how we did things when my children were little. There's absolutely no need to be feral about things even at Christmas time...but I guess some people must love the chaos.

In my home country (Denmark) children wait quite happily until after dinner - which is in the evening, not at lunch time - for Christmas presents, anticipation building throughout the day. When they're opened everyone, from adults right down to the youngest, watches and waits as each person opens one present in turn. I loved it as a child.

It's so nice - everyone has time to really enjoy the process and appreciate the ambience, plus the children get to enjoy each unwrapping and seeing what each toy is much more keenly. There's a lot to be said for quiet, gentle enjoyment in my view!

(It doesn't matter if there are different amounts of presents. Adults and teenagers are perfectly able to understand that little ones will get more and it won't be strictly equal turn taking. Even older children should be able to get their heads round that!)

This is what we do and it works really well. It’s nice to see what everyone else gets and is a lot more relaxed. I said YABU because this is a very fixable problem, OP. Just say no. Your youngest is 7 years old now, so it’s not like you have toddlers who really cannot wait their turn. It’s not unreasonable to raise the bar to a more civilized level this year!

We've always opened ours throughout the day. So stockings first thing - they can open those however they like. Then a present from under the tree with breakfast, out to walk the dogs, back home and another present, a present when everyone sits down for a cup of coffee, another after the afternoon dog walk, etc etc.

It's a pain when they keep nagging 'is it time for another present yet?' but it spreads the excitement and anticipation out and stops that frenzied ten minutes that OP speaks about. They take more notice of their presents because it's one at a time. If someone has more than someone else, then they can open two at each opening. After dinner (which we eat late afternoon early evening) there's the 'mopping up' opening when any last gifts get opened in one go.

I absolutely would not put up with the 'feral' opening - they don't appreciate anything and half the time they don't even known what they've got. Do they not make mistakes and get presents mixed up? That would have resulted in stand-up fights among my lot (five of them), so I make absolutely certain they know which gifts are theirs.

are they British?

I have seen family waking up a little one to open the presents with the rest of the family at midnight, it was actually quite lovely . The children were really looking forward to it.

Christmas morning, everybody had a long lie-in, I should start the tradition with mine!

No thank you. No comment about the gift. Just manic, uncivilised chaos. :( Then disappear back to their rooms.

that's not a joyful chaos, which would be a bit much but acceptable.
That is just being rude, you shouldn't accept that. It completely denies the point of Christmas.

They are old enough to tidy up their mess for a start. If they can't be grateful, I would severely limit the amount of gifts and money spent on them! They need to learn.

How much of their own money are they spending on their parents and sibling gifts?

Oh lord that was my late MIL talk about killing the joy and excitement of Xmas morning.

I stepped in and made it clear she had her run with her kids mine wanted the exciting first thing as I had and as my mother had. She could either join or go for a walk or a cuppa I wasn't losing our excitement for her spread out form.

Then your family and my family do things differently. That's fine. There's no 'killing of the excitement' in fact it extends it throughout the entire day, rather than being ten minutes of frantic paper ripping and 11 hours of whingeing.

It works for us, probably because that's what we've always done so my kids know no other way. I wouldn't suggest anyone else suddenly told their kids they'd only be able to open presents through the day.

Why on earth would there be whining ? Weird. Oh yes my lovely MIL wanted my children to be rared her way making them wait 🤦‍♀️ honestly I have never seen such joy when my nieces have as at ours and they get to have the exciting opening and it isn't feral that's an unfair adjective it is exciting, expressing joy and they are grateful kids so I love watching their eyes light up

Yes different folks different strokes

When mine were small I labelled each present with a large “post it” with a random number written on it. Then each child got a list with their numbers on- and one by one, taking turns, they had to find one present with their number and open it. Everyone enjoyed seeing what it was- then the next child, and the next and so on. Some presents were “big” and some were “small”.

It took a while but was fun for everyone and as long as every child had the same amount of presents it worked well.

I voted YABU but only because that’s “normal” to them.

What would happen if you said that this year, you’ll be handing them out? Maybe in bundles if they don’t have the same amount - two for the 7 year old and 1 for the teen, for example - and take a break in between each one to look at it and talk about what it is.

You be the one handing the presents out!

But by bundles I don’t mean handing everyone a present to open at once, I mean give the seven year old two to open. Open it, ooh and ahh. Then give the teen a present to open. Ooh and ahh. Next kid.

My husband's nephews are like this. It horrified me the first time we spent Christmas with them - just a sea of toys discarded for the next one. And they were told everything is from Father Christmas so they never thank anyone.