FERAL xmas day gift opening

[HebburnPokemon]

AIBU to cringe and feel deflated on xmas morning when the kids (we have a few, aged 7-14) dive into the presents like feral animals, rip open the wrapping on their gifts, not even properly look at the gift before moving to the next, sometimes not even finishing removing the wrapping paper. No thank you. No comment about the gift. Just manic, uncivilised chaos. :( Then disappear back to their rooms.

Sounds miserable, I wouldn’t have that.

Doesn't mean they don't have to take time when opening and to say thank you though, does it?

This 100% from when they were able to unwrap by themselves

Are you really that worried about being called a party pooper?

There is a lot of clear water between a feral present pile on and everyone sitting round for hours watching everyone else. It should be possible to make it a pleasant, family occasion.

Presumably they look at their presents properly later, after they've done the unwrapping. Does it matter that they do the actual unwrapping part in a frenzy, provided they look at and appreciate the presents later on?

I wouldn't expect kids just to go back to their separate rooms after opening their presents on Christmas Day - I'd expect the family to be together and I'd certainly expect them to show some gratitude. But I don't think it really matters how they open their gifts.

When I was a kid, my dad, brother and me used to look at each present after we'd opened it while my mum and sister used to open things really quickly - I can remember my sister saying to me 'Are you going to read that entire book before you open your next present, or what?' one year because she was impatient for me to open whatever she'd given me. But I know that we all appreciated the presents in just the same way, ultimately. We just had different opening styles. I'm pretty sure that even as someone who opened things relatively carefully, there were still things I didn't really get round to properly looking at until Boxing Day when I was a child. Boxing Day for us was often all about playing with new toys etc which we didn't really do on Christmas Day amid all the eating, family stuff etc.

Put out half before breakfast/getting ready, and half after. My kids get overwhelmed opening all of them in one go so we split it to continue the fun later.

You sound a bit too passive for me, you are in charge so tell them what you want to happen. No child of mine, despite age, would get presents from me if they werent grateful and immediately disappeared to their room. Parent them!

Well, that's down to parenting. If parents haven't taught some restraint and manners, then what do people expect?

YANBU to want that. I'd approach your DH when you have a moment alone and explain specifically why you feel it's excessively chaotic. Excitement is natural, but children can be taught to tone it down. Ask him, if they're just going to rip through everything in a couple of minutes, why are you bothering to wrap everything? Might just as well leave it by the tree unwrapped and save the cost of the wrappings, not to mention your valuable time and effort.

I'd really struggle with this, and even if DH isn't fully in agreement, you could try to implement a change. Make the new system clear before the chaos has a chance to get started, in the days leading up to Christmas. 'This year we're doing things differently. We'll pass around the gifts one at a time so we can enjoy seeing what everyone has received.' They might protest, but they'll survive!

And yes to a ratio to spread out the gifts for older children. That's how we always did it, and it worked out fine. They know their gifts cost more and are fewer in number, and they're old enough to understand why that is.

There is no right or wrong way, it's upto each individual how they like to do it.

We don't get our children to open in turns but they do take time opening their presents and talking about the gift they have just opened.

Family presents are set aside to open after, we find this easier to manage in terms of thanking the person who gifted them it.

I had a big family, loads of siblings .. we did Christmas like this, such a happy memory. Paper flying everywhere, Dad with his bin bag picking up the wrapping, all trying to see what the others had got .. such joy.

We are all in, or heading towards, our 60s, Dad died years ago, Mum now in a care home .., I wouldn’t swap the memories of that crazy present opening, for anything.

No free for all in my house either. Gifts are handed out one at a time after Xmas lunch and the givers name stated. Even stockings are dragged into a circle Xmas morning and we go around with each person opening one gift at a time. In fact very often some stocking gifts are kept for Boxing Day. Even my young DGC understand this is how we do it. I know my DC all do the same. DC will do as they have been taught and if you've always had a free for all this is what they will do. You have to start as you mean to go on.

I have only ever seen that on you've been framed style home videos.

In real life we sit around calmly and take it in turns.

If you're describing your kids as 'feral' you might want to actively change/correct it, only you as a parent can.

Urgh. I get that each family has its traditions but ... XH2's family did the giant pile-in and I found it slightly disgusting! They also used to give dozens of trash gifts - sweets, joke toys, anything from the pound shop - just so there were even more packages to rip open.

OP, could you compromise by doing both? Let them dive into a pile of stuff for the paper frenzy, then give them their more meaningful presents one a time later on?

You need to tell DH that's not normal - maybe show him this thread!

In our house stockings can be opened any time after midnight

Tree presents after 7am (was 6 when they were younger)

Everyone takes it in turn to open presents and show the rest of us. Thank yous are texted same day and no they can't spend the rest of the day in their rooms. Some time has to be spent together - Dinner, games, film, walk etc.

We see different family Boxing Day so some presents are opened then - nice to split it over 2 days

I don't get why you keep buying them lots/expensive presents when they are like this?

Yanbu to want to do things in a more civilized way, but it is in your gift to facilitate that, OP, particularly with the older children (unless you have a DH problem, that is...).

I wouldn’t allow that but I also could not sit watching everyone opening gifts one by one, that’s very cringy to me! Mine open gifts at their own speed and always know who they are off because me and DH are helping/supervising

YANBU this would give me the rage so we taught our DDs to take turns when they were toddlers.

@Snugglemonkey
Our children get excitement from giving us their gifts and giving gifts to one another

I think this is the only comment that mentions children giving gifts as well as receiving them. Taking turns makes present opening a shared experience.

This is what it was like in my house growing up. Now in my family we take it in turns. But my dd is small so it might be more difficult when she gets older. I get where you’re coming from but if this is the pattern your family are now in there is probably no turning back the tide.

We had this once - ever since everyone is up dressed and breakfasted first and then the kids have to pass the presents out to everyone so we all take turns - makes it last longer and helps them realise it’s not all about them . Do your DC buy for others in the family so they have presents to actively give too ?

I would hate that, but it’s what you get with a free for all.

We hand out in rounds by giver, so for example everyone has their presents from MIL all together, and all open them while MIL watches and smiles on benevolently, then everyone thanks her politely and we all move on to the presents from another person.

So each round, some people might be sitting it out, some might have a little pile, some just one, but it just brings a bit of order and gratitude into proceedings.

Firstly, you are bringing them up, OP.
Secondly, as a child free woman, I'm very happy for a Christmas day only with my husband of 20 years.
Never needed this excitement in my life.

Very good.

We have always handed presents out one at a time. Youngest to oldest open a present each then go round again. My eldest always liked being the one to hand them out. Paper went straight into a bag. .

Your older kids should understand that they get less to open so it shouldn’t be a problem. They can take over the handing out.