Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

This - but the parents’ reaction speaks volumes as to why she’s acting that way. “Oh how cute, she’s a girls girl! Lol!” - Sounds like this kid is lacking some serious boundaries.

On the flip side, I would also suggest that if DSis replaces the phone case BY THURSDAY with a full apology, then let the whole thing drop and still do childcare at the weekend unless you have other plans.

The intention is to teach them to take responsibility, not to create a rift.

Stay strong OP. But more importantly I’m worried about my vagina now. It looks nothing like the Rhode case!

But OPs sister was only bothered about replacing it when it was going to affect HER social life. Sick of always seeing todays parents getting away with shit like this just because they are parents

I won't be doing childcare at the weekend. If it causes a rift, so be it. I'm tired of bending over backwards when I don't get respect back

Neither does mine 🤭 I'm never going to look at this case the same way again 🤣

OMG that's awful. I'd be absolutely mortified if one of my children did this. I would be replacing it immediately and my child would have to pay it back using their pocket money.

I would expect her parents to replace
Young kids can be silly & have poor judgment but in case of ruined item,parents should replace

Try some hand sanitiser - it once got out permenant marker off our kitchen worktop that my friends son accidently got on there. Worked like a dream!

And the issue isn't how much you spent on a phone case - it's your money to do with whatever you like. You should definitely be bought a replacement and your niece told she was wrong to colour and draw all over something - YANBU

“DS and BIL for absolute clarity and so there are no misunderstandings I do not want to babysit DN at the weekend. Her behaviour last time you visited was not “cute” or “girlie” it was disrespectful and frankly I was shocked you indulged it. I will not be babysitting again until I receive an apology and replacement case from you.”

I'd return their presents, use what you would have paid for their presents, deduct £38 and buy them something with the difference- and tell them! But I'm petty like that.
And buy the niece a recorder and offer to teach her to play "3 blind mice". Failing that, something like a craft set with lots of glue and GLITTER, lots of glitter .

Don't be ridiculous, people shouldn't have to hide their phones from a 5yo, especially one whose parents are present.

They should be replacing the case and teaching their daughter not to destroy things that don't belong to her. If she's like this at 5 god help them when she's 15

Agree with all of this.

Your sister thinks she's achieved more than you. Why?
This might sound like a weird thing to say on MN but having a baby and applying for mortgage are everyday things. Anyone can do them.

Doing some decent parenting? Now that's hard.

Your sister and her husband are dicks.

This is good, but I'd tweak it and replace "I do not want to" with "I will not" just to be clear with Dsis and Dbil that this isn't a discussion. It's the OP telling these inconsiderate ingrates what's what and they needn't bother asking again.

They sound like utter dicks. YANBU - I would go ballistic if my kid defaced someone's property, obsession or no.

This has really pissed me off actually. Them excusing it is - obviously not in gravity, but on a 'I want - I take' basis - like someone laughing off as inevitable a man raping a woman he finds attractive.

Just don't get her a present for Christmas or birthday. Yes, I'm a bitch.

It's annoying, but it's also just a phone case.

No I know it's not the big a deal in the grand scheme of things and I've ordered a new one, it's more the principle

YANBU. If my DD had done this aged 5 I would have replaced the case immediately and taught my DD about respect for others’ possessions.

i would simply wrap it up for Christmas as she loves it so much and with the money returning her present buy a new one. Well done for putting boundaries in place re the childcare.

I am so glad I'm not the only one who saw that 😅.
Just maybe don't buy a pink one........

Not to my taste, mainly because its so bizarre! I'd have thought a pocket for earbuds more useful. Maybe I don't use enough lip balm if I don't value the quick draw availability!

Question though- my phone lives in my back pocket, on the charger or in my hand, all 3 or those make it quite warm. Isn't the lip balm all melty? I'd worry about it oozing out.

Hmmm I see both sides of this. Firstly I totally understand your perspective. To you it’s the final straw. To them it’s out of the blue as you usually tolerate their bullshit. I think you know better than I do, that you’ve possibly started a family WW3. You know you’re dealing with people who don’t respect you etc. So I think it’s more a case of, are you strong enough to completely follow through whilst they ramp up the pressure & turn the family against you?

Personally, I think play them at their own game and contact your mum first. Ultimately they are going to paint a picture of you bullying them and leaving them in the lurch or you mistreating your niece right before Christmas and that you’re completely overreacting and have upset them or your niece all over a phone case.

So I think for you, whatever you do going forward will be scrutinised and seen as you being unreasonable. They’ll totally see through your Christmas gift for example.

True but “want” makes it clear it was her choice to help them all along and now they’ve lost her good will. I rather suspect OP’s sister needs reminding it’s not all about her…

Just googled it, wouldn’t get one personally but don’t think £38 for a treat has to be justified to anyone.

They should definitely replace and had no business making a joke of it, maybe a bit of jealousy going on from your sister about you having a different kind of life, who knows, I was always subject to digs and mocking from my sister years ago because I wasn’t as ‘grown up’ as her. Any time I took a stand I was of course being ‘too sensitive’ 🤣

I hope it doesn’t cause a family rift this near to Christmas but they are definitely being a bit disrespectful to both your feelings and your property and in my opinion you have very right to feel miffed.

Also I think it’s obvious the case is supposed to look like a vag. Especially as you insert something in the lips. The manufacturer knew exactly what they were doing with that.