Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

You can get it for a tenner on ebay
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/387650864389?chn=ps&_ul=GB&var=654892468482&_trkparms=ispr%3D1&amdata=enc%3A1iYIvk8LOSbWqNgXhoO0pBQ5&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=710-134428-41853-0&mkcid=2&mkscid=101&itemid=654892468482_387650864389&targetid=2425733423477&device=c&mktype=pla&googleloc=9045836&poi=&campaignid=21697391927&mkgroupid=162558106770&rlsatarget=pla-2425733423477&abcId=10027104&merchantid=633222025&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiA34S7BhAtEiwACZzv4T6Jqsrp77s6aJE0PGyI415IOvpr7tEkUu__99WtuISwptYHuXWyGBoCytIQAvD_BwE

There are warnings about fakes on eBay though...

This.

OP have you tried hand sanitiser to shift it? We have mini-whiteboards at school and my line manager collected them in to check something but didn't clean them. A brilliant y10 student suggested hand sanitiser and it works brilliantly. Won't help the scratches though.

Your sister should replace the case. Well done for taking Barbie back. Have you considered a kazoo for when DN gets bored of the recorder?

A violin would be better.

I'd do this.
All she'd get is a Chocolate Reindeer... and no presents for the adults... use the money to replace the ruined one.

It sounds like they walk all over you... if that is the case - you need to toughen up and stop letting them take the mick. No more favours. See less. I'm not saying go NC or even LC, but they don't appreciate you, so don't keep allowing them to do that.

Ahahaha getting the frozen recorder is genius! I'd probably get a whoopee cushion and something messy like kinetic sand or slime. 😂

I think they should have replaced the phone case. If I were the mum I would have been so embarrassed and furious with my kid. Tut tut. Also for what it's worth, that phone case is very clever! I'm so addicted to lip balm this would be very handy for me.

1. I think the case is cool
2. Moon sand...

Passive aggressive gifting is a way better revenge than just taking the money out of their presents.

10 years of recorders, noisy musical toys, glitter filled birthday and Christmas cards. Screaming Christmas goat, loud hailer, one of those echoey microphones, clackers.

Whether you can clean it up or not it is still not the same before your DN drew on it. What you spend your money on is your concern.

I made a point when my DS was small that people shouldn't have to put their possessions out of his reach in their own homes. He was taught to not touch other people's things. I like others here would have been horrified she had ruined something of yours and I would have replaced it whilst ensuring she understood that she was to treat other people's things and her own with respect. She's 5 not a toddler.

They are going to have fun at school and at play dates if she thinks everything is fair game.

5 year olds do know not to draw on things. They go to school and know the rules. If there are SEN then that is different but aside from that, yes they do know better.

I can’t believe how rude some people are about their opinions on the case; that’s really not the point here. OP should be able to have things out in her own home without fear of them being ruined, especially by a 5 year old. She’s not a toddler. I would expect them to replace but if they’re steadfastly refusing, the frozen recorder is a good idea, but I’d be tempted to be petty and give no presents. But that’s just me!

Exactly! Some of the posters are acting like the daughter is a toddler, my 3 year old knows not to do this so no reason a NT 5 year old wouldn’t.

what a bizarre waste of your niece’s time… to be asked by her bitchy auntie what she thinks about a phone case that aunty B had been posting about on mumsnet 😆

Just read your updates OP and what is concerning is the way they pick on you, demanding explainations about why you bought things. ..so that you are constantly having to justify yourself.
The phone is the last straw by the sounds of it.
I totally get that you want to have a good relationship with your niece tho.
But your family is taking the P..
I think you need to read up on assertiveness training or find some advice/a course..
Because your status has changed. You are now an adult, holding down a job, your own flat - rented or not! successfully getting yourself in shape and you are no longer the kid or the dogsbody they can make fun of or pick on as their own limited intelligence entertainment. They are NOT treating you with respect and you deserve repect as much as anyone.
You don't owe them an explanation.
I would start being much more difficult. and less co-operative. Such treatment doesn't deserve a polite, nice response.
You don't have to explain or apologise for your actions to diffuse embarrasing questioning. What right have they got to do that? Refuse to answer. Tell them to mind their own business ( think up some better ways to say this) or fire their snide phrases right back at them. - you know what they are like - work out some prepared phrases to shut them down.
They won't like this and it will feel like you are being rude at first but it will probably just be mildly blunt and far less rude then they are to you, but that is too bad.. it sounds like they've been treating you like this for too long.
Get Christmas out of the way and focus on spending more time with people who treat you well.

This is an excellent response I think OP should say this.

Seriously? So when she's 17 and keys OP's car and scribbles her name all over that, OP should just give her the car?

😂😂

I'd bollock my 5yo for that. They sound like shit parents tbh. Not teaching respect and manners.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Also, she is 5, she should know better than to draw on someone else's property that isnt a pad or paper. Shes not a toddler

I would not give any of them a Christmas present, the niece included. And explain that you need the money you would have spent to buy a new phone case.

Even if you have already bought the presents, I wouldnt give them. They dont deserve them, their attitude is disgusting and they are not teaching your niece anything with their reaction

Your sister and brother in law have no right to tell you what to spend your money on and you should be able to charge your phone without expecting you niece to ruin your case.

That's some shitty parenting. If one of my DC had done that they would have been told off and I would have replaced it. They're raising a bratty child.

Quite honestly id take back any gifts i was going to give dn and the parents and say why if they wont replace. I also would not feel bad. I do not have £40 to just throw away. Does not matter if they think its ridiculous to spend on a phone case. Its disgusting that they are letter their child do this, not disciplining, and not replacing!

So, I've text my sister.

"Hi [sister],

I'm really disappointed in what happened on Sunday, and how you let [niece] destroy my property and laughed about it. I think that until the case has been replaced, or you've taught her some respect, it's best that you don't come over again. I also don't think that me providing free childcare is appropriate at the moment, because it's clear you, [niece] and [BIL] don't have any respect for me."

This has me feeling so anxious, but it's done.

I'd give your niece the scribbled on case for xmas, not give your sis and bil anything and buy yourself a new case which I would put under the tree as from them to you.

You'll probably just about break even.

I like the idea of chopping off some of barbies hair and drawing all over her write your name on her as mentioned by a previous poster ans then wrap and give that.