Would you say something to nursery about this?

[MaMoosie]

Not sure if this will make it into a huge deal.

Left my 3 year old opening his Christmas cards from his nursery friends today while I was cooking dinner. Came down to check on him and he was eating a chocolate coin that has been put in one of his cards and he had a dairy allergy. He’s ok, but I do know there is a child in his class who has quite severe allergies. I know it’s probably too late as the cards were handed out today but thinking of mentioning it to them tomorrow to maybe let the parent know not to put allergens in the Christmas cards?

Or will I be THAT parent…

As a parent to DC with coeliac disease, I don’t think you’re overreacting. I think the staff should’ve mentioned it to you, so you could check the ingredients of the chocolate / ask if you were happy for your child to have the chocolate. I would mention it, but wouldn’t go in guns blazing as it was obviously a thoughtful token, although not a well thought out token.

Could you not feel the coin in the card?

id say on you to check what’s in the cards he’s only 3

eta how do you know if wasn’t a dairy free coin?

It's something like 1 in 12 children that have allergies now. I do think it's worth saying something. Some parents are clueless.

I don’t think the staff are aware which is why I’m thinking I should mention it.

Why is this an issue for the staff? You left the 3 year old unattended! Most parents will feel a chocolate coin in a thin envelope and can decide whether to give it to their child or not.

I’m not trying to make it an issue for the staff, but might be worth mentioning it to them so they can let the parents know. Honestly wouldn’t occur to me that there might be food inside a Christmas cards. I didn’t feel it because he had a little gift bag full of cards and I said he could open them.

Onus is really on you to supervise and teach your child to manage allergies.

that might sound harsh when they are so small but it is achievable and in our case necessary.

mine had anaphylaxis (1st reaction before age 1 nearly fatal ) and was ingrained in them by me - they must never eat anything without checking with me first - they were doing this reliably by 3 years old as it was a life and death allergy. I remember they were doing this by 3 as I remember their 1st preschool ‘Report’ where the staff commented in the report how good they were are asking before every food / snack time if it contained nuts. (Of course the staff were all aware and took all precautions - but just like you read the packages EVERY time as ingredients change and you can’t assume anything is ‘safe’ - so my child had to learn to enquire about every food. )

bringing up a super allergic child you quickly understand that the whole world is full of potential hazards and it is unfair and unrealistic to put the onus on other people to manage the environment and keep them safe.

you have to educate your child and manage the situations as they occur . You have to teach your child from the outset never to eat anything without permission and watch them like a hawk until they are reliably doing this.

the other parent was being kind putting coins in - it was well intended - but yes, caused a hazard to an allergic child - it wouldn’t offend me as I would spot them, or my child would have alerted me to themand we would have instantly traded them with the snack box we kept for these situations - it’s just part of life when bringing up a child with life threatening allergies.

Yes I'd mention it.

But I also agree you need to train your 3 year old to never eat anything without checking with you.

I'm presuming the child with severe allergies didn't get a coin but something instead. I'm wondering why the staff weren't made aware of your sons intolerance when he started going there? If they were made aware and they still gave one to you then do say it as its their error. Yes, its up to you to check what he eats but it's still unfair to give a treat to a child and set a parent up for a big argument if the child can't have it. I work in a nursery and we very occasionally give out treats to go home but there are nearly always a few adjustments for allergies and dietary requirements.

I personally think if it’s on your watch it’s up to you to check. A parent has tried to do a nice thing, they have not given it directly to the child. They have put it in a card that they expected a parent to be supervising.

Wouldn't you want to warn other parents too though?

Most parents wouldn't assume Christmas cards might contain food, it's really not a big deal just to let people know.

It was another parent not the staff.

Sorry misread I thought it came from the nursery. Yes I think its worth mentioning anyway.

Plus actually maybe you are unaware but actually I’m my experience lots of people do this. Just to be aware in the future.

I put chocolate snowmen in the Xmas cards we sent to my child's nursery. I expected a parent would be opening the card with the child 😬

My child has multiple severe allergies including anaphylaxis and I’ve always felt it’s up to me to manage that outside of school/nursery. I wouldn’t raise this but I’d sharpen up my supervision at home. I’m not criticising you as I know it’s hard but it’s something that will be your responsibility for a long time to come, and in many ways it’s harder at school when they’re more independent (particularly if it’s state and you’re not calling the shots as paying for a service).

This could have been a critical incident. I think it's Worthing mentioning to the nursery so they can put a message out to the parents along the lines of:

"Just a reminder to be mindful of possible allergens in ingredients placed inside Christmas cards"

It's worth a mention but I would imagine the onus is on the parents to check the card first.

This.

I appreciate the onus is on me, lesson learnt. But I just worry that another parent may not get to the coin before the child and would rather be safe than sorry.

I think you need to watch your 3 year old while they open the cards. There will likely be other cards with chocolate in now. Usually a chocolate coin is very easy to feel through the envelope though.

It would seem a shame to stop other children/parents doing a nice thing like this, which is likely what will happen if you mention it to the nursery. Just avoid the problem and watch as he opens.