What are your parenting hot takes?

[LimeAnt]

No arguments, please, just genuine interest.

Mine? You are not, and you shouldn't want to be, your child's best friend.

Tell your kids you love them every day
Instil manners/chores from as early as possible
Praise effort not outcome
Stick to firm boundaries
Toddlers don't need too many snacks or they won't eat their meals

Star of the day is already a reward! Double damage!! 😉

Reward or award? Are they both damaging? Is one more damaging than the other?

Your kids need your presence a lot more than they need money for posh holidays, fancy toys or branded clothes.

Too many decisions about everyday life at a young age isn't empowering for small children, it's bewildering.

Slightly against the grain:

1. You wouldn’t say to anyone else in your life - “do this because I say so”. If you don’t explain to your kids why you want something from them (even if the reason is: mommy is tired) then why would you expect them to comply? Would you?

2. Praise and punishment for kids is fine if it is to encourage behaviours that only have long term benefit. Eg to support a child doing well in swimming lessons if they don’t enjoy them, or punishing a child that has hit their younger sibling.

This. I can hear "sometimes I don't like you, but I'll always love you" echo down the years as though it was yesterday. My whole life I've labelled myself as terminally unlikable and it probably started from there. Who taught parents to say such a thing?

Teach them grit and resilience. Teach them to try their hardest at everything, aim high. Tell them some failure is inevitable but don't wallow, find out what went wrong and do better next time.

As a parent, don't make threats you don't carry through. If you've told them you'll ground them/ take away x/ not give pocket money if they carry on with behaviour you've told them not to, mean it and do it if the circumstances arise.

With teens, driving them in the car with them in the passenger seat can be a good environment for difficult talks, they often open up because neither of you needs to make eye contact.

The kinder twist on this is

I love you, I don’t like your behaviour just now.

Because the child can generally do something about the way they are behaving, it’s something they can have some control over.

Yeah of course! What do you think we all did 10+ years ago before smartphones, stay indoors all day ..?

Pick your battles. Don't aim for perfection or compare yourself or your kids to others. Phases don't last forever and it's okay not to want to spend all your time with your kids- to want to work/have a career and a social life.

😳 actually kids are completely wiped out after their first term of school. We start them ridiculously young compared to most developed (and thriving) European countries. Daycare is not the same, even when it’s longer hours.

Teach them grit and resilience. Teach them to try their hardest at everything, aim high. Tell them some failure is inevitable but don't wallow, find out what went wrong and do better next time.

I wish I felt I was doing this well. My son is a bit lazy and so far I haven't found any way to make him really try hard, to the point where he sees the rewards of effort.

It is important to tell girls they are beautiful as well as praise their effort, resilience, strength etc. Otherwise they will be looking for that kind of reassurance in all the wrong places as teens and adults.

It doesn't get easier as it gets older, you just have different problems.

I don’t understand why we haven’t learned from Scandinavia and extended the EYFS until the age of seven or eight. Our children would be happier and more active, and in the long-term their academic results would be better. What’s not to like?

Sometimes kids are just naughty. There's not always some deep-seated feeling behind it.

Sometimes I look at children whose parents insist they're autistic, and wonder when having a personality a little outside the norm was considered a neurological oddity. I keep that inside my head, of course.

I'd go further and lay many of those parents need to look at how they're managing behaviour before they go looking for other causes!

I'd agree with PP about not all bad behaviour having a deep-seated cause or even much of a reason some of the time- I can definitely remember doing something I knew I shouldn't as a child just to find out what would happen. Whilst I don't entirely disagree with the 'all behaviour is communication' saying and some of the principles of gentle parenting, at least some kids misbehave for reasons that don't require much analysis.

Gentle parenting can be amazing for some children. It is an absolute hiding to nothing with others. From my observations, gentle parenting is wonderful with children who are naturally inclined to behave themselves or emotionally sensitive. But if you've got a child who is naturally on the 'naughty' end of the spectrum (like my DS), a swift consequence (like a brief time-out) and then moving on is the best way to deal with it unless you really think there is something much deeper going on. If they're misbehaving frequently, naming feelings and talking through situations results in a completely disproportionate amount of time devoted to managing their behaviour, and I doubt that feels good for the child. I devotedly gentle parented for the first few years, and I genuinely think that hearing me validate 'you're feeling angry' etc made him very, very angry 😆. Different child as soon as I realised it just wasn't working and started with a 1-2-3 Magic-type approach- he's a million times happier.

But my friend's kids, who are very different children, respond beautifully to gentle parenting and would be very unhappy with my way of doing things.

That was an essay. My point is- different kids need different parenting, and not all behaviour has meaning, or at least not a meaning that justifies discussion. So as long as your strategies aren't abusive, adapt your approach to suit the child you have instead of sticking doggedly to the way you think you're 'supposed' to parent. I wish I had!

Read to them a lot

I can never understand why this just doesn't come naturally to people! Who isn't reading to their kids? It's one of the most important things you can do for them and with them.

@namechangeGOT

I can never understand why this just doesn't come naturally to people! Who isn't reading to their kids? It's one of the most important things you can do for them and with them.

I read to mine but it absolutely did not come naturally.

Like this. They're all fabric and they're made for babies.

Sounds basic but children are humans. Too many people treat children like they are nobodies.

Children are the young version of their adult selves.

I parent from the lense of thinking about who or what I needed at that age. Sometimes it’s a stern telling off and a life lesson, other times it’s a hug and empathy.

Parents are human too. Too many people assume you don’t have a life because you are a parent.

Your children are always watching - and taking note…

O my god, they are absolutely disgusting. So so wrong.

Explain how to do things to your dc in detail. Don’t assume they know. Then give them the autonomy to get on with it.

^

This can include actions, because it isn't always obvious to kids

I.e. If you hit people, they won't be friends with you. Super basic, but true