What are your parenting hot takes?

[LimeAnt]

No arguments, please, just genuine interest.

Mine? You are not, and you shouldn't want to be, your child's best friend.

If you haven't even attempted to potty train in time for going to school unless you have reason to expect it's never going to happen... You're a bit crap.

I tried when my autistic child was 2 and it was an absolute shit show. But there was no way I'd just shrug my shoulders and let her go to school in nappies. It was hard work. But thems the breaks.

I agree. I was a very fussy eater as a child, but my one-year-old DD would eat almost anything, including a wide variety of vegetables. Now, DD is a fussy six-year-old and I see there’s nothing I could have done differently.

I will not pay or give pocket money for helping in the house or tidying toys or their rooms. Keeping the house nice and tidy is everyone’s job and nobody in the family gets financially rewarded for it.

Not really a hot take but DH and I agreed recently that although it was sometimes very tiring at the time we are so glad we didn’t sleep train.

Dont have children

Thank you, that is a convincing explanation.

Everyone has an opinion. Grow a thick skin.

Babies bring out a weird competitive streak in some people... Oh your DC rolled at 3 months? Mine rolled at 2. He walked at 10 months? Mine walked at 9? Oh he slept through the night from 6 weeks? Mine was tucking us in and reading us a bedtime story by 5.

Also, you are your child's first teacher. Yes, they go to school to learn, but they are 1 face out of 30, and the teacher will not be giving everyone individual attention every day. It is not the school's job to toilet train your children. It is not the school's job to teach your child manners. It is not the school's job to teach them to eat with cutlery. Put in the work. Lay the foundations and your child will find school a much easier experience.

The very moment you think your child might need speech therapy, if you possibly can, get a private assessment and pay for the therapy. It will be the best money you will spend. But only if you put the work in.
Dd3 had a stammer and unrecognisable speech. Wasted time on an nhs list then the speech therapist was signed off sick after 2 sessions and never replaced.

Wanting a baby is very different from raising a child. The baby stage is actually SO easy.

Breast is best and more people should be doing more of it. If it's not exclusive it's still fine. It's not all or nothing. IMHO the reason why IBS and bowel issues are on the increase is because of the prevalence of formula feeding in recent decades, and because weaning to solids happened very early as well. Stomach porosity is only recently known about.

Screen time is fine and being anti-screen is snobbish and classist.

Your kid isn't hyped up on sugar, they're hyped because it's their birthday party.

It's inappropriate for babies and young children to wear jeans or fake heels. Let kids be kids.

Raise your kids to be decent human beings , and then you know you've been a good parent

Breastfeeding/formula feeding is such a minuscule part of your child's life.

When they're not babies nobody will ever give a toss about it again.

It's also really boring to talk about. Ditto weaning.

Don't overthink stuff.

Trust your instincts.

Because I said so is actually a good reason.

Children thrive on boundaries.

Parenting is not actually that hard but it is deeply rewarding.

Most teenagers are absolutely wonderful (and way more interesting than babies).

Toddlers are not that much fun.

Don't worry too much about what other people think. The truth is that young kids who aren't yours are usually going to be annoying and inconvenient and there are some people who take offence to children even breathing. While we should all show consideration for others in public places, the days of "seen and not heard" are gone and children are entitled to take up space in public life.

On the other hand, teach children to clean up after themselves in restaurants. Not worrying unduly about what people think does not extend to making an unholy mess and leaving it for the "staff" to clean up. Yes, part of their job is to keep the restaurant clean and wipe down tables, but that does not include picking most of your kid's dinner off the floor and from down their chair.

School is childcare. The school is in loco parentis caring for your child. The "school isn't childcare and so you can't expect it to fit around your work" brigade are not only harmful to women but also just plain wrong.

Kids (well babies and toddlers) need to have tantrums.
Constantly trying to appease them and distract them rather than just letting them have a tantrum just makes it worse in the long run
It’s just a normal phase that they have to go through and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed about it.

Pick your battles especially with teenagers.
Its ok to pick the easy/lazy options.

Gentle parenting is bollocks. You can tell them no without going psycho. You can also be nice to them whilst putting boundaries in place. But they need the word no. Sometimes you’ll need to raise your voice. Sometimes you’ll say fuck.

Routines don’t work for everyone, it would have been a nightmare for us, not worth the aggro.

Let them get messy, it’ll clean/wash.

Making memories is not a cover up for hitting your child - that’s absurd.

Memories aren’t just for the kids, they’re for you as well. Do things you enjoy too.

Your life doesn’t have to stop, get the support you need to still feel like you and not disappear into the background.

Don’t overthink it! I think we can overthink parenting to the point that we suck all the fun and joy out of it.

As far as possible, don’t let stress and anxiety over your dc, relating to potential illness, schooling decisions, friendships, exams, or anything else, impact on your relationship with them. They need you to be solid, calm and fun. Life is anxiety-provoking enough for dc without them having to take on their parents anxieties too. Be prepared that they might test you on this during adolescence 😀

Put your energy in to basic good things for your dc: sufficient sleep, healthy food, reading, a good education, exercise, family games, creativity. Pay little attention to all the commercial noise surrounding family life nowadays.

Example. Example. Example. Children generally do what you do and not what you say. They are watching. Life is short and so are their childhoods! Enjoy it!

And try and model good self care. Show them that being an adult is not all stress and problems! They need to look forward to their futures!

Sleep training and routines worked for us.
Each to their own but there is a point when if you miss the natural moment when they are ready to fall sleep, that’s when adrenalin kicks in and it’s that which keeps them awake and then it all gets much harder. A good routine can prevent this from happening. Be prepared to sacrifice your own priorities to put this in place at the beginning and the sacrifices will pay off later for all of you.

Be confident when you say no, and follow through with boundaries. Be fair and kind.
Explain why you are saying no in a simple way.

In the early years, use humour to call out dishonesty. Don’t let them get away with lying to themselves or others.

Bring your child up to live in the world and be considerate of others.

Explain how to do things to your dc in detail. Don’t assume they know. Then give them the autonomy to get on with it.

Building confidence and resilience, and the ability to defer pleasure, are probably three of the most important things that you can do for your dc.

Left out: model effort and hard work.

Specific food is not a hill to die on.

A decent proportion of fruit & veg is, but whether that is peas and tomatoes, or cabbage and kiwi really doesn't matter while they are young.

What a load of shite.

It’s not a load of shite at all. Just picking up the first point as I need to get ready for
work but there is absolutely masses of psychological research showing that rewards are demotivating for kids in learning and task completion.

It absolutely is a load of shite. So taking a child to choose a sweetie on the walk home from school because they were star of the day is going to be bad for them?

Some people are so desperate to over analyse everything. No child was ever harmed from being rewarded for doing something good. Plenty have been harmed by having their parents never acknowledge their achievements.

How can something be a 'fake heel'?

It's either a heel, or it isn't.

That's the spirit!