Child home alone at 11

[Birchtree1]

We had a mediation session as my longterm partner and I are in the process of splitting up.
My OH works around 60 hours a week which is why I work part time (30 hours a week) I do school drop offs and pick ups when I am not working, otherwise I am paying for a childminder.
We were talking about moving ( we both want to) and the nature of my job is that there is no 9-5 or around the school hours. Work hours are usually in the 8/9am to 6/7 pm bracket. There is no choice.
My oldest will start secondary and mediator said it would be fine for them to get home on bus ( or whatever) let themselves in and be alone for 3-4 hours.
This seems weird to me? Surely that's a lot for a child at this age in this day and time?
Also....we are waiting for an asd/adhd assessment for child as he struggles big time.
So am I being unreasonable to say this in not a feasible option? As in they can't go home from school and be alone for 3-4 hours at 11 years old?

If the house is in both your names you'd be entitled to 50 percent of the equity unless you have unequal shares in property. Never take out a mortgage that is 4x your salary or you'll never know another minutes peace of mind. Your ex will pay maintenance based on how many overnights he has DC. If he has them say Sunday and Monday daytime and overnight it is his responsibility to take them to and from school and feed and care for them on both those days. He would drop them to school on Tuesday morning and you'd collect Tuesday after school. What you earn has no bearing in how much maintenance he will pay. Make sure he realises this.

I used to get holes in walls too OP and I was in the house with them. I wouldn't leave mine alone.

You are on deeds so make sure you get 50 percent of equity.

Should be fine for most 11 year olds but doesn't sound so fine in the case of your child.

Where I am you have to do it from 9 years old (but at least I'll be home by 5, and my OH might be home earlier, but school might finish at 12 some days), there's no afterschool care after 2nd grade, except for children with additional needs significant enough to not allow them to be unsupervised.

It's not neglect.

If it is below the national guidelines I feel it is fair to classify it as neglectful parenting.

Don't let Ex or mediator bully you about what they think is best for you and your child.

Thank you all for your replies.
I don't think I could leave them by themselves from year 7.
I think they would be okay for an hour if I am home and have to nip out once they are settled with I pad but even with this I would worry due to their personality.
But also I guess it's kind of irrelevant as I also have an 8 year old.
It was just brought up in mediation meeting and I was really surprised.

That seems an awfully long time. I don't think I'd let mine. I let her stay by herself for half an hour at a time. But that's it.

Depends on the child. Both of mine were very independent and loved time on their own from about that age onwards. I think it's fine but it wouldn't be fine if you had a child that was particularly anxious about it.

Definitely sounds like a different set up to England - childminders here don't take secondary age children generally and after school clubs are usually an hour max.
Outside school clubs tend to be in the evenings for that age group rather than after school.

I am in Dublin in a fairy typical middle-class area with most families having two parents working. After-school is present in a lot of primary schools from end of class to 6pm.

Primary is up to age 12 here also which does mean it is easier if lucky in area you live has the space. The expectation would be they would require an adult presence rather than specifically childcare, if that makes sense.

My son is in secondary there are clubs every evening free of charge up to 5/6 pm. Class finishes earlier here so my son finishes at 220 twice a week and 320 thrice. There is usually a supervised study option, sports, social or hobby based.

This to me makes sense. Children and or teens don't reach milestones at the same stage and they don't go from supervision to none overnight. In my opinion this format means families can work towards independence as it fits your teen.

It also provides a bit of a small leveller for families with individuals who may have SEN considerations to be factored in.

I have a very bright 11 year old, no bother to him to be alone behaviour wise etc but I quite frankly don't want him alone.

My DD was alone for maybe 5 or 6 hours some days in school holidays, age 11. Not ideal but i couldnt take all holidays off work. She preferred it to being the oldest in a holiday club. Both kids were at home from maybe 4-6pm at age 11

But appreciate it's more complicated if they have ASD.

Nice bit of arrogant cultural imperialism.

🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️ sweetheart I am Irish we don't do imperialism we leave that to the UK

Just because you weren’t very good at it as a country, doesn’t mean you didn’t try. You did. Nor does it mean you weren’t being an arse applying Irish guideline to someone in a different country.

Oh dear you really don't know our history. I would suggest you acquire a book wrote by a non UK person.

And applying a country who up to a few years ago where aligned is simply good practice.

Ot sounds like you are frustrated and need a time out. Off you pop for your nap you appear cranky

Not sure where you get frustrated from. I wasn’t the one who tried to pretend that the history of another nation meant I hadn’t been an arse. You have.

Oh behave honestly what are you like. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I definitely wouldn't be okay with it