Child home alone at 11

[Birchtree1]

We had a mediation session as my longterm partner and I are in the process of splitting up.
My OH works around 60 hours a week which is why I work part time (30 hours a week) I do school drop offs and pick ups when I am not working, otherwise I am paying for a childminder.
We were talking about moving ( we both want to) and the nature of my job is that there is no 9-5 or around the school hours. Work hours are usually in the 8/9am to 6/7 pm bracket. There is no choice.
My oldest will start secondary and mediator said it would be fine for them to get home on bus ( or whatever) let themselves in and be alone for 3-4 hours.
This seems weird to me? Surely that's a lot for a child at this age in this day and time?
Also....we are waiting for an asd/adhd assessment for child as he struggles big time.
So am I being unreasonable to say this in not a feasible option? As in they can't go home from school and be alone for 3-4 hours at 11 years old?

It is about the financial split too. As in house only. As I am not entitled to anything else. But I have asked for 50% of equity in house. He doesn't want me to have this.

My 10 year old walks home from school and is alone for a few hours. So I wouldn’t have a problem with an 11 year old.

@Birchtree1 are you joint tenants in the house and is their any paperwork/contracts that states it should be anything other than a joint tenancy

if not why or earth is he pushing it to be anything other than 50/50 bexause he shouldn’t have a leg to stand on

He’s having a laugh suggesting you take less than 50%. He wants to think himself lucky he wasn’t married as you may well have got more than 50% given you’re the lower earner and sacrificed your career and future pension. Cheek of him.

It is the reality for a lot of working parents. My DD is 11 and going to secondary next year. She's also awaiting assessment, although she's generally sensible. I work full time, so does dad but we're also not together. There's absolutely zero after school provision in my area for secondary school children and no child minder will take a secondary aged child. I'm lucky enough I can work hybrid but at least a couple of days a week DD will be coming home to an empty house for a few hours.
During school holidays her maternal grandmother might be able to help out, but there may even be days she's home all day while I'm at work.
If you can suggest an alternative I'd be happy to hear it.

You mention going from 3 days to 4 days but say full time? If this is a full time job hours wise, could you ask to spread the hours across 5 days so you finish a bit earlier? Work through lunch break to leave earlier?
Does school offer any clubs after school? I am thinking some might do things for an hour, so id school finishes at 3.30 then they would be occupied til 4.30. By the time they then get home it wouldn't be as long.

I wouldn't, seems far too long

Yeas, talking going from 30ish to 40 hours....my job does not allow working from home or shorter days. More likely to do 40 hours in 4 days. Currently I work 8.30 til 6.30 but have a 40 minute commute each way. Even when I change my workplace this will be the same in regards of hours required in 1 day.

Practically there's not really any childcare available for secondary aged children and I doubt most parents drop down to part time when their child starts secondary - so I'd guess there's a lot of 11 year olds home alone after school.

My son's secondary has a breakfast club from 8am and supervised homework club or extra curricular activities after school until 4pm so I guess some children with working parents will do those.

My child is that same age and I wouldn't be happy with that. I would leave him on his own for an hour or two but not 3-4. I also think it's important to have someone at home for them arriving home when possible, especially in the first few months of starting high school.

My son would have been fine at11- but I worked locally within 15 minutes so could easily be back if there was a big issue - I think that aspect matters too -

Mine would've been fine with it, though as it happens I mostly work from home and if not get home around 5.30 as have to collect his younger sister from wraparound by then, so he's rarely home alone more than an hour ( often it's about 10 minutes as he does lots of after school clubs). My main concern with later than that is I wouldn't trust him to cook anything hot without supervision.

You know your child better than the mediator down

In Ireland the advice from the national child safety agency is 13+ and dependent on child's comfort.

I'd say it's fine till 5 or 6 but any later is a bit long.

What are the childcare options for that age?

After school clubs in the school, activity clubs outside school system, child minders who similar aged children or I get someone in who is there but is doing other things so making a dinner, a housekeeping,/ cleaning but happy to supervise him as he gets himself snack does his homework etc.

They don't need minding as such, but they do I feel need an adult on hand for their safety and peace of mind.

I agree with you that it’s weird @Birchtree1

I think it would be fine for some DCs every so often but personally I think it’s wrong to leave them for that long regularly at that age, particularly with the issues you describe.

3 or 4 hours would be too long in my opinion. For some NT children it would be too long and they would get lonely & scared.

This is one of the other reasons people send their dcs to independent school. The school day ends at 4pm, followed by an hour's communal prep. Bus home at 5pm, get dropped of 5.30pm, walk from the bus stop, get home at 5.45. Meaning my ds is only ever alone for an hour at most. By the time he's changed and made himself some toast I'm home.

I think it's too long for most 11 yo. Although they probably won't get home til 4pm, and if you can get back at 6 it's only two hours. But you're then (presumably) going to have to cook dinner, and it's ok probably starting to get a bit late for that a sensible dinner time for an 11 year old. I'd have said that by yr8/12 yo they'd be better able to handle it. But even then, it's far from ideal for a child that age to be solitary for that long on a regular basis, even if not considered unsafe.

My yes & no.

The courts don't have the time to get into the nitty gritty of every case.

marriage is an option if you want that protection, it's not all about the feels

My DS's had ADHD and there is no way they could manage alone for 4 hours at 11. An hour maybe because they knew they could go next door to my friend in an emergency or if they needed something.

30 hours work is almost full time. Many jobs full time is 37 hours per week.

@Birchtree1

why do you only want 50% & no CMS? They're his kids too! They need a home & they BOTH need you to be at home after school. (Unless you find the Unicorn that is after school care for an 11 year old with SEN plus the younger one).

Why isn't he having the kids 50/50 and as he isn't, why isn't he prepared to pay you CMS??

you've sacrificed a LIT to enable him to earn 5x your salary, why is he being such an arse & WHY are you fine with that??

So this is just a matter of principle? It makes no material difference to your settlement, but your OH made this claim and you're annoyed the mediator agreed?

Honestly, just do what you think is best for you and your kids and let his bullshit wash over you. He's about to become an ex and his opinions on this stuff shouldn't matter to you anymore.