Our cousins took our inheritance and gave it to their mother, I feel I can't carry on acting as if nothing has happened

[NeshButUpNorth]

My deceased mother had brothers and a sister. One deceased brother and the surviving sister (i.e. our aunt) had kids. We used to go on shared holidays twice a year with our aunt's kids, we've always got on well.

Our bachelor uncle died 2 years ago, with no will. When we were chatting a few months later, my aunt's eldest told me that they were going to try to "so what my uncle would have wanted". I assumed my cousin would contact me and my sister in the future to discuss this, since they would need us to sign off anything that would change the legally defined distribution (which is 1/6 each to me and my sister), since it would be a criminal offence to do otherwise, which my cousin must know, since their spouse is a director of a legal company.

A few months after my uncle died, my sister was diagnosed with incurable cancer, with months, possibly a year or two to live. She had to go on sick leave for the chemo and radiation treatment, etc. After 6 months, her sick pay dropped to 50%, and after a year was due to end. She asked me what was happening with our uncle's estate, this being around 18 months after he died, with the house sold 6 months previously. I had received no updates, so she sent a facebook message to our cousin who was dealing with the estate, asking for an update and she described her health/finance situation. To our surprise, our cousin told us that they had given all the money to my aunt, rather than the 1/3 share the law defined.

I was baffled why they'd do this without getting legal documents with our consent first. Before I had a chance to form any further opinion, my cousins blocked my sister on messenger and unfriended her on Facebook. I assume that they think that she has done something so awful that she should be shunned and disowned.

Since then, my sister has had no birthday cards from them or my aunt, and no Christmas cards so far, whereas they've carried on liking my family updates on facebook, and have sent me cheery Christmas cards which arrived a couple of days ago. My sister is dwelling on the idea that they've lied on the probate forms, pretending that our mother never existed.

I just feel queasy and sick about it, how can I carry on as normal with them, or visit them at Christmas, even though my sister has told me she doesn't want this to oblige me to distance myself.
I want to explain to them how upsetting this has been, I've lost lots of sleep over this over the past few months, but now Christmas is coming, I feel I should say something, surely if I don't it will look like tacit agreement that I agree with their actions.

I was thinking of writing to my cousin, telling them how unhappy and sad this makes me feel. I feel that they have been so unfair in acting as if my sister has done something wrong, whereas they did not tell us what they planned (hence us having to ask for an update), whereas they have in fact committed a criminal offence (which I might not highlight). I had been wishfully imagining that my aunt might be unaware of all this, but then when I woke up too early again today fretting about this, I realised that if she hasn't sent my sister a Christmas card, then she must know all about it.

Initially I had been thinking for months to send a letter explaining how I feel to my cousin. Then after realising that my aunt must know about this, I've been trying to write a letter to send to my aunt this morning, to send with a Christmas card, since she asked how we are in the card she sent to me.
Surely that's the best option. Then I felt ill writing it, then decided to ask for advice here.

I definitely can't just carry on as normal, and I don't think I can say nothing.

Ahah that explains why the cousin is administrating the inheritance. Interesting

Ok. We have been through this a little bit in that my son was excluded from a will in which he was named. The family paid up on being sent a solicitors letter. They paid because they knew they had acted illegally, they had abused their position as executors and once the solicitor informed them this was a criminal offence… they couldn’t do much else but pay. I suspect this is the case with your family.

They have committed fraud to your and your sisters detriment. They have blocked your sister when she raised the issue. This should tell you everything. Please do not let this drop out of some misguided family loyalty. I would definitely sue for your rightful inheritance. Good luck.

I would be dealing with this via the legal route, and cutting them completely out of my life forever. What on earth were they thinking? There are laws which have to be followed in cases like this, your cousin can't just decide to distribute the estate to whoever they want.

many thanks, this is exactly where I am at, I keep thinking of reasons why they might have done it by mistake, or that I'm over-reacting, etc.

I had thought that many on here would be advising me to not sue, but there seems to be little sympathy.

To be clear, I've always said that if I was left a larger share by a parent, I would correct that myself during the distribution, so the cousins have certainly done the opposite of what I would have done.

I've had a long chat with my sister, and I think we will be starting the legal steps this week, I will draft something for her to check, which I suspect will be sent informally in parallel to a recorded delivery request for account of estate, distribution, etc. as advised by the solicitor I called about 6 weeks ago.

that's how I feel/felt, but I think it's too late really, my sister wants nothing more to do with them, and I can't imagine feeling comfortable having a chat with them.

if there was, it was destroyed 2 years ago, this has all gone through intestate probate, it's the fund distribution that has been done incorrectly

Yes sorry I misread.

I live a long way from the village where the family live, my cousins have been more closely involved in arranging hospital trips, shopping etc for him, where I was just phoning my uncle up for long chats. I'd have felt rude to try to muscle in, and I had no reason to distrust them. In any case, the comment was made to me many months after they became executors of the estate

Wanting to do what he would have wanted would not imply illegality - it's easily done by asking those entitled to a share to forgo it based on the need of others or some wish expressed outside the context of a will.

I wasn't considering more than Christmas card exchanges to be honest. Now I think that is probably stopping too.

It’s a shame cos it might be more straightforward. À solicitor’s letter should do the trick though if your poor sister is happier with that, I would go along with my sibling ´s wishes too if they were ill. No way Îd let it drop though. Out of principal. If they’d have said elderly Aunt desperately needed the money , maybe Îd have agreed but this is really underhanded.

next-of-kin was the informal response my cousin sent to my sister -
e.g. "my mother received all the money, as next of kin"

If someone has firm wishes about who their estate goes to they write a will especially older people. Your uncle was probably happy with being intestate. No one can presume to know otherwise.

the cousin and spouse were granted administrator status as "the lawful attorneys of.." my aunt. This is a standard certificate from the High court, which I have a copy of.

Maybe he just procrastinated?

I'm really glad you're going down the solicitor route, OP. I think it's important you correct this wrong for yourself as well as your sister. I hope it's resolved quickly (I feel like it will be).

They didn't care about burning bridges with you, why should you care?

Maybe, but still no one can presume to know what he wanted.

Yes, this means that your aunt gave them power of attorney to act on her behalf.

@NeshButUpNorth Good to hear that you are going ahead with legal action. One thing that I've found useful in situations like this is to write down my moral reasoning/justification for taking action. If you're like me you may start to doubt yourself once the process is underway. I think you'll feel better for having stuck to your guns when you come out the other side though.

I would speak to the other cousins and try and add them to any legal action (sharing costs)

I'd also report to fca or sra once it's established it's wrongly done even if too expensive to sue. Plus police. As it's the principle really. Not the money.

"pretending" to be a lawyer is not a criminal offense, root vegetables notwithstanding.

Pretending to be a solicitor or barrister is. But lawyer is not a protected term and anyone can call themselves that.

Criminal offence or not, I didn't accuse her of it! I didn't know it wasn't a protected term though - good to know!

I agree

Before you say anything to them I would write to each of them asking for up to date address and contact details - they will assume this is for Xmas cards at this time of year. So then you have all their details before they inevitably block you too.

Why are you being so wet? They are utter bastards that have screwed you over. They don't give a shit about you. And they are confident that you won't rock the boat - why do you think this is? Please, please get this sorted. You can't ever be close with them after this, so you may as well get the money now. If you must, write them a letter, saying that you are very sad that they defrauded you, and sad that it has come to this, but that their actions have left you with little choice as to what has to happen next, re seeing a solicitor.