Our cousins took our inheritance and gave it to their mother, I feel I can't carry on acting as if nothing has happened

[NeshButUpNorth]

My deceased mother had brothers and a sister. One deceased brother and the surviving sister (i.e. our aunt) had kids. We used to go on shared holidays twice a year with our aunt's kids, we've always got on well.

Our bachelor uncle died 2 years ago, with no will. When we were chatting a few months later, my aunt's eldest told me that they were going to try to "so what my uncle would have wanted". I assumed my cousin would contact me and my sister in the future to discuss this, since they would need us to sign off anything that would change the legally defined distribution (which is 1/6 each to me and my sister), since it would be a criminal offence to do otherwise, which my cousin must know, since their spouse is a director of a legal company.

A few months after my uncle died, my sister was diagnosed with incurable cancer, with months, possibly a year or two to live. She had to go on sick leave for the chemo and radiation treatment, etc. After 6 months, her sick pay dropped to 50%, and after a year was due to end. She asked me what was happening with our uncle's estate, this being around 18 months after he died, with the house sold 6 months previously. I had received no updates, so she sent a facebook message to our cousin who was dealing with the estate, asking for an update and she described her health/finance situation. To our surprise, our cousin told us that they had given all the money to my aunt, rather than the 1/3 share the law defined.

I was baffled why they'd do this without getting legal documents with our consent first. Before I had a chance to form any further opinion, my cousins blocked my sister on messenger and unfriended her on Facebook. I assume that they think that she has done something so awful that she should be shunned and disowned.

Since then, my sister has had no birthday cards from them or my aunt, and no Christmas cards so far, whereas they've carried on liking my family updates on facebook, and have sent me cheery Christmas cards which arrived a couple of days ago. My sister is dwelling on the idea that they've lied on the probate forms, pretending that our mother never existed.

I just feel queasy and sick about it, how can I carry on as normal with them, or visit them at Christmas, even though my sister has told me she doesn't want this to oblige me to distance myself.
I want to explain to them how upsetting this has been, I've lost lots of sleep over this over the past few months, but now Christmas is coming, I feel I should say something, surely if I don't it will look like tacit agreement that I agree with their actions.

I was thinking of writing to my cousin, telling them how unhappy and sad this makes me feel. I feel that they have been so unfair in acting as if my sister has done something wrong, whereas they did not tell us what they planned (hence us having to ask for an update), whereas they have in fact committed a criminal offence (which I might not highlight). I had been wishfully imagining that my aunt might be unaware of all this, but then when I woke up too early again today fretting about this, I realised that if she hasn't sent my sister a Christmas card, then she must know all about it.

Initially I had been thinking for months to send a letter explaining how I feel to my cousin. Then after realising that my aunt must know about this, I've been trying to write a letter to send to my aunt this morning, to send with a Christmas card, since she asked how we are in the card she sent to me.
Surely that's the best option. Then I felt ill writing it, then decided to ask for advice here.

I definitely can't just carry on as normal, and I don't think I can say nothing.

Honestly give your head a wobble. They have stolen from you and their shame extends only so far as to pretend their terminally I'll cousin doesn't exist. Tell them you expect your share of the estate to be paid within 30 days or you will contact a solicitor. Then if you don't need the money offer your half to your sister as well.

no, I know exactly what to do legally, I was asking more about ethics and consequences, and anyone's insights into this.

You don’t try to contact them, you get a lawyer and you go through legal process to get your money back.

Just ignore @Menstrualcycledisplayteam

They are obviously a know-it-all and would never ask for advice.

Not sure why they are even on MN if all they can do is make stupid comments.

OP, even if you sister says not to do this, could you tell her that you will do it in your name and leave her name out of it?

I think it would still have the same effect of making the administrators pay both your share and your sister's.

Of course if it will upset your sister than I can see why you may not want to.

I do ask for advice when it isn't completely obvious what the right course of action is. And then I ask people who are qualified/competent to give that advice.

Mumsnet is amazing in many, many ways. But the number of people who feel qualified to give legal advice on matters in which they are clueless is terrifying.

Having been through this, it’s actually really fucking useful to talk it over with people and gather opinions.

it’s family. You don’t actually want to believe they’ve done what you think they’ve done. You turn it over in your head looking for excuses as to why they’d do such a thing, surely there must be a reason or justification? That it’s not as bad as you think it is.

then you don’t want to completely blow your family apart. No one wants to report their sibling to the police. Is money really worth it? Did they genuinely do it out of malice, or is it a mistake and they don’t deserve prison.

having people validate your thoughts can give you that push to start properly seeking recompense, and not concerning yourself with the consequences for them. Or even if it goes the other way, you may decide to take a more conservative approach.

it may seem obvious to posters what o/p should do, but families are tricky and even anonymous online support can make a difference.

Have you or your sister in all this time
never double checked with the cousins from the other deceased sibling whether they have received any money and/or have ever enquired about it?

Has everything you know about the handling of the estate come solely through this one cousin responding to your sister?

I think you need to step up here - for your sister.

Dh father is weak and passive he was an executor and stood by while the other executor carried out wrong actions. He now wrings his hands and says he should
have done more. His competent sister who was not appointed tried to get him to act but he didn’t as was too scared so they both lost out to the other sisters dodgy husband who was the other executor.

Least destructive course of action?!? They've blocked your sister who is having cancer treatment and taken money off her that could have seen her through her treatment, thus stopping any stress that comes with this. You could have given her your share to help with care for her.

I'd sue for your share and if your sister doesn't want to sue that's up to her

Sometimes you need to stand up and fight and this is one of those times.

The OP is not asking for legal advice. If people give it, that is not her fault.

She is asking about relationships which is what MN is all about.

She is well aware that she can sue, and if she wasn't (for example if she had learning difficulties) then there is no harm in people pointing it out.

Also, a few people on here thought that she did not have a claim on the estate as they thought it went to the next of kin. These people would not have even gone to a solicitor if they hadn't asked for advice on here. How is that wrong?

Get in touch with them say you think there’s been a mistake in the distribution of funds and tell them your sister is unwell and needs her share? Even if you don’t feel you need the money you could give yours to your sister or your or her children( if you don’t have kids) If you act like it’s just a mistake maybe it will avoid a huge row?

I genuinely hardly ever post on threads that are beyond a certain number of replies by the time I read them, but this one has really piqued my interest (inheritance arguments in my own family). The salient points from OP - which is quite longwinded and hard to follow - are that:

• The uncle died intestate. At the time of his death he had a living sister and brother and nieces/nephews from those two siblings and OP's late mother. No children of his own.

• OP found out that everything in the late uncle's will went to his living sister.

• What about the living brother?

• Also, why does anyone in the generation below the deceased uncle's siblings think that anything is automatically going to come to them?

• Can anyone point me to the law on this?

Thank you!

There wasn’t a will so he was intestate.

To be honest, if I were you I’d go all in and try to get the cousins spouse in trouble so he never works in this field again. If he’s willing to do this to terminally ill family, imagine what kind of scamy shit he pulls in his everyday life! You and your sister might (completely misguidedly) decide to let it go but from an ethical standpoint you should also think of other potential victims and their ruined lives.

What a charmer! How do such people sleep at night?

Are you absolutely sure there wasn’t a will?

There wasn’t a will. He died intestate.

The link to the government pages showing exactly who inherits when someone is intestate has been posted a few times.

There is no living brother. There are children of the deceased brother.

The laws of intestacy go by closeness of kin - so children. He had none.

Parents are next. None still living.

Siblings - he had three so his estate goes to them. The sibling who is living inherits directly. The children of the deceased siblings inherit their parents share in equal parts.

If a deceased sibling had no children their share would go back to the pot, but that’s not relevant in this case.

The Op has seen the grant giving her cousin and their spouse the administration of the estate, so there is no found will.

It is a well-known fact that if you are American you believe that US law (or even the law of your own state) is universal.

There wasn’t a will. And there is no living brother. There were four - two brothers and two sisters. There is now only one living sibling - OP’s aunt. The other brother and sister (OP’s mum) died before the brother in question. The reason that the generation below the siblings are entitled to inherit is because English law says that where there is no other next of kin, full blood siblings should inherit equally, and where a sibling has passed away, their share of the inheritance should pass to their children in equal shares. It’s all online at YouGov if you want to google it. OP is correct, she and her sister are entitled to share a third of their uncles’ estate between them, as this would have been what their mother would have inherited had she survived her brother.

I’d ask a solicitor to draft a letter before action kind of letter outlining the law, and giving them a chance to rectify it, otherwise legal action will commence. Assume she will have to pay her siblings too, i’d be surprised if they just let her keep all the money, they must know legally they are entitled to it? Good luck.

When your cousin said they were going to do 'what we think uncle would have wanted' what did you say? Did you tell them 'well its actually a v easy legal scenario to follow, it actually has to be divided XYZ'. They told you they weren't going to follow the law basically and you don't seem to have corrected them?
And why was cousin in charge of this, you were all equally related to the man could you not all have been involved in sorting it (especially when you d basically been given a heads-up that they were going to do something outside the law) , it's not like there was an executor appointed in a will

Crikey! Some cautionary tales there.