Attitudes towards breastfeeding a toddler

[Jaffaroo]

My baby is 6 months old and is exclusively breastfed. She was premature and it was quite a struggle to establish feeding but we got there in the end. I’ve had so many positive comments regarding breastfeeding my baby and my husbands family especially have been very supportive of this.

Yesterday, we were at a family party with my husbands family and I had a few people ask when I was planning on stopping, which surprised me. They said that my baby is too grown up now to be breastfeeding. Later on, an aunt asked me how long I planned on breastfeeding for. I said that I have no plans and will take it as it comes and said that the world health organisation recommend breastfeeding for up to 2 years and beyond.

This was met with gasps of horror, laughs and shocked comments from some family members. Even my husband chimed in ‘you can’t breastfeed a 2 year old, that’s just weird’ which really surprised me! His aunts all joined in, echoing how ridiculous it would be to breastfeed a 2 year old.

I find it interesting that breastfeeding is celebrated until they deem the baby is getting too big or too old for it.

AIBU to be quite shocked at the change in attitude towards breastfeeding all of a sudden now that my baby is a bit older?

Why should it be the norm? I mean good for you if you're happy with it that's great. Does not bother me what others choose to do but I have a 2.5 year old and to me the thought of breast feeding him now is ludicrous

I can’t put my finger on exactly what makes me feel weird about it, but breastfeeding children that can form sentences and ask for ‘boob’ just makes me feel uncomfortable. For me, the fact it’s for comfort that’s the issue. At that age it almost seems like it’s holding a child back developmentally, when they should be learning to regulate emotions and you should be able to comfort them in other ways. Just as I wouldn’t advocate sticking a dummy in tbe mouth of a toddler that’s upset. I also just couldn’t deal with my body not feeling like my own and having a person demanding to use it. It is very different with a baby.
Butbi know these are my issues, and it’s why I didn’t breastfeed.

As a side note, breastfed children wake up more in the night. That would be reason enough for me to stop after 1 I think 😂

I'm the same! I stopped at one year old for both my children, but think it's fine if other people want to carry on to 2 or 3. After that it gets confusing regarding when is ok and at what age you really should stop.

I experienced this too. I had "you'll be squirting breastmilk throught the school gate". I had no plans on when I was stopping. My son and I were ready to stop when he was 2 months short of turning 3 - so nowhere near school age anyway! But it would have been none of their business if we were still then!
The comment did really bother me.

Yes. Everyone has access to different information, ideas, beliefs, backgrounds, influences etc.. and will form different opinions. The WHO offer guidelines, but they are quite vague about what happens after 2 and I don't think anyone is still recommending to breastfeed at 14. So parents make their own decisions based on the guidance they read, their own experiences, peer influence, books they've read, etc...

I exclusively breast fed til 6 months (more or less) and then breast fed alongside solids til 12 months. That worked for me and my babies. Other parents will make different decisions which work for them and their babies.

However, between 2 and 12, I'm interested in at what age people think the balance tips from normal/ok/healthy to inappropriate and then to abuse. To me, the balance does tip it's just a case of when.

(I'm really quite interested in this because as previously stated, I had a client who was breastfed well beyond age 11 (can't say exactly as wishing to keep confidentiality). That understandably provoked all kinds of questions in my head as I'd not come across this before. This person was really quite negatively impacted by the enmeshed relationship they had had with their mum)

It's weird that people care how you feed your kids. It's also weird to have some sort of pride about breast feeding longer than your family members and enjoying the little sly digs about it.

I think both sides of this argument tend to get too involved in what other people do.

Its for the babies benefit

Hardly getting aggressive 😅😅 it's for the babies benefit

You don't need to comment. We know. It's why proper breastfeeding support isn't there for us. Because the NHS talks the talk, then doesn't actually help when we need it. So those who formula feed feel shame because they've had "breast is best" mentality. Those who combi feed who want to do that, same. Those who combi feed but want to EBF or BF more get shamed into continuing formula because they don't get enough help. Those who EBF then get shamed after 6 months/a year anyway. Respectfully, your training/attitude needs revising.

Fed my elder three till they weaned very easily and without tears just before 2.5. That worked well for me and it felt very natural to do that. Swapping to a bottle of bf is established would be a lot of faff! I combo fed two of mine and really never got on with bottles well - so much washing up and sterilising!

I think people just don't see it - a mum I was talking to at the library last week was astonished I fed my twins that long. She'd never seen me feed them as toddlers because they mostly only fed at home once they were a year or so. Youngest is 13months and I don't think she's had a few in public in the last month, but she could if she asked.

However family have definitely seem them feed well past one. I think you need to be quite clear that you will feed as long as it suits you both

I really hope you aren't truly a nurse.

Breastfeeding holding back toddlers developmentally?! All scientific evidence is to the contrary.

Do you believe in science or are you from the school of "it stands to reason"?

It’s just my personal opinion, I never stated it as fact. It’s how I feel.

I still breastfeed my nearly 4 yo. I did it discretely in public until dc was about 3 if they asked. I actually had one lady say she was happy to see me do it because she still breastfeeds her 3yo and feels self conscious about it. She was glad to know she wasn't alone!

I don't do it in public anymore as my dc only tends to want it first thing in the morning and last thing at night now.

It doesn't feel weird to me. It's not like I went from nothing to breastfeeding a 4yo - they get a tiny bit bigger every day so you don't really notice. It gives dc loads of comfort and I'm convinced has reduced the illness they've had from preschool. I'm assuming dc will self wean eventually!

I know a lot of people who secretly breastfed until over two but only at home.

I also know people who are weird about breastfeeding any child above weaning age. I think their views are wrong.

It's up to you. Don't feel pressured through.

But as a health professional, it's odd that your personal opinion is the opposite of scientific consensus.

It makes me wonder what other healthcare-related science you refuse to believe.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never encountered anything around breastfeeding being helpful for children’s emotional development as toddlers in any of my training so i am not quite sure what you are referring to.

People are allowed their own individual beliefs and opinions. It is a bit sci-fi meets Orwell meets Big Brother to suggest we must all think the same and have the same opinions or that only people who think X and y should work in health care.

I've worked in the NHS for years. It's an incredibly diverse institution with a hugely diverse workforce with a massively diverse range of views. We wouldn't have any nhs workforce if thinking the same, or like you, was the criteria.

I mean that's a silly post isn't it. The amount of times midwives and HV have said that officially the guidelines say a,b and c but in my experience d and e are just as good shows me that plenty of health care professionals don't stick rigidly to these things.

It’s such a strange idea. Also for children there are studies that show breastfeeding for longer fosters a more secure attachment. That gives children the skills to feel safe to go off and explore the world instead of feeling they have to cling to their parents for security.

How strange! Did you challenge them?

I've only got to page 3 so I'm sure this may have been answered already. But in this situation get back to basics, nipple to nose so their mouth is nice and wide. If teeth are involved the latch is too shallow and they need repositioning. I think as DC get older both Mum and baby/toddler get lazy with the latch, so in these situations always go back and make sure the position is good.

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Because the WHO recommend breastfeeding until at least 2 years old, and in many countries around the world children are breastfed for a lot longer. Natural term weaning for a human child can be as old as 5 in some cultures.
Just because some find it shocking it doesn't mean it's wrong. That's what breasts are for, at the end of the day. It's literally their only intended purpose.

I thought I would stop by 6m-1 yr but ended up going till 18 or 19 m instead. They are being weird and judgy! Nobody ever told me they thought I should have stopped or not…

I think the problem is actually the opposite in the UK. Our society expects children to grow up way too quick and puts pressure on women to make that happen.
'You don't want to be breastfeeding at the school gate' DC here start school much earlier than in most countries.
'Give a bottle so I can babysit'
'Men are just as important, get baby on a bottle so you can go back to work and take SPL.'
'Give a bottle ready for baby starting nursery'
'Give a bottle so you can have a social life'
It's fine to want to do these things, but it has been drummed into us that if you do not train you baby to go against their biological instincts, you are a wierdo. Because when women have a baby sleeping through early on, get back to work, back to the gym and have an active social life they are 'doing amazing'.

Please don’t stop breastfeeding because of this. Tell them all to keep their views to themselves. Breastfeeding a toddler is normal and they stop when they want to!