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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman was really cheeky

103 replies

Ladyingreen999 · 15/12/2024 15:24

I'd love to hear others opinions as this experience has left me a bit shocked!

A woman on Marketplace messaged me asking about a cheap baby item I had posted. She then asks if I have a couple of other things, I say not really as I'm still using them. She replies saying she's having her baby in 2 days and "left it a bit late". The fact she made that comment (rather thank just say ok thanks and get it from the shops or elsewhere) makes me think she might really need them and maybe not have the money, so I say don't worry, I can spare some of mine to keep you going for now. She simply replies "thank you".

Later she turns up to collect them and, I don't know much about cars, but she has a huge, rather expensive looking car. I ask her if she still needs the other bits, she says something along the lines of "if you have any spare ones". I'm not good at thinking on the spot so just end up giving her what I had prepared for her when I thought she was desperate. Not that I have much choice anyway since she follows me inside uninvited, otherwise I might have taken something out of the bag.

Later I have a little look at her FB profile and I'm pretty sure she's middle class. I actually gave her stuff I need myself and will now have to replace (not worth much, maybe £10-15, but I feel like a complete mug!) Of course the fact she's got a nice car etc doesn't mean she can't be struggling right now but I'm just a bit gobsmacked. Was she really cheeky or is it my own fault by overinterpreting her request? We do have local FB reuse sites so she could have just posted there and get stuff that someone actually had spare instead of hinting at me!

Oh also, she did casually say "I can transfer you some more money later" but I think it was more of a throwaway comment, as she only turned up with cash for the original item she was buying so again, me being a complete mug, I just left it!

OP posts:
ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 15/12/2024 15:25

I’m sorry but that’s your own fault.

OMGsamesame · 15/12/2024 15:28

You've over-interpreted.

I would be described as middle-class and participate in several WhatsApp groups where local parents pass on for free toys, clothes and equipment that are 2nd 3rd hand or more. It seems so wasteful to spend money and energy and materials on something that's going to be worn so briefly.

Or, more cynically, noone ever got or stayed rich by spending money when they didn't need to. One of the wealthiest families I know will never buy anything at full price.

holjam · 15/12/2024 15:28

Completely your own doing I'm afraid. You shouldn't have offered to give her anything else, especially as they are items you're still using!!

Spaceid · 15/12/2024 15:28

She asked if you had a few things and you said yes!! She made no mention of not being able to afford things, that was your assumption.

OMGsamesame · 15/12/2024 15:28

Also, the Internet is full of people who do make out they are hard up to get stuff for free.

If you want to help people in need then donate to a local refuge or mum and baby project or children's centre.

PiastriThePastry · 15/12/2024 15:29

How bizarre to offer stuff you’re still using, then get annoyed when she accepts! This is entirely on you I’m afraid op.

JLou08 · 15/12/2024 15:31

You over interpreted, she said she had left it a bit late. That's not the same as someone saying they can't afford it.

Original poster
Ladyingreen999 · 15/12/2024 15:33

Just to add, yeah I get it's my own doing but if it was someone who was actually struggling I'd have been more than happy to give those things to her and then replace them. It would have been no different to me than giving some money to charity.

OP posts:
wavingfuriously · 15/12/2024 15:34

You were too nice. some people will take advantage I'm afraid.

EmotionalSupportBiscuit · 15/12/2024 15:35

JLou08 · 15/12/2024 15:31

You over interpreted, she said she had left it a bit late. That's not the same as someone saying they can't afford it.

Exactly this. You brought this on yourself OP. Why on earth would you give away stuff you need?!

IglesiasPiggl · 15/12/2024 15:36

The trouble is, it can be very difficult to tell if someone is genuine or not, especially online.

Yankadoodledoo · 15/12/2024 15:38

You’ve been a real mug giving away things you actually need.

LadyKenya · 15/12/2024 15:38

I know that appearances are not everything, but you did ask her if she still needed the other items, after you had spotted her expensive car etc. She did not exactly strong arm you, did she?

Waterboatlass · 15/12/2024 15:38

I think she was fine to ask if you had the other bits spare (you may not have got round to or thought worth listing) but cheeky to accept your offer to share yours to tide her over knowing they were still in use.

You interpreted what she said wrongly so a 'bit of both' situation.

Peanutlicious · 15/12/2024 15:40

I once went to a food bank in a brand new SUV (motability car for my disabled son), wearing a Superdry hoodie (lent to me by friend) with a brand new phone that I had taken the contract out for 6 weeks before. I had left domestic violence with 2 young disabled children the day before, we were homeless and I had no access to any money, accommodation, clothes, nothing. The food bank was the only way I could access food for my children. I would have looked super rich but had nothing. I couldn't blame anyone who saw me as I would have previously judged if I saw the same, but it humbled me into knowing that you can never tell what someone is going through and outward appearances are often deceptive.

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 15/12/2024 15:41

Ladyingreen999 · 15/12/2024 15:33

Just to add, yeah I get it's my own doing but if it was someone who was actually struggling I'd have been more than happy to give those things to her and then replace them. It would have been no different to me than giving some money to charity.

I think that’s a bit much. Do you people please in other areas of your life?

ThinWomansBrain · 15/12/2024 15:41

Yes, mug
Did she even look pregnant?😂

LadyKenya · 15/12/2024 15:45

Peanutlicious · 15/12/2024 15:40

I once went to a food bank in a brand new SUV (motability car for my disabled son), wearing a Superdry hoodie (lent to me by friend) with a brand new phone that I had taken the contract out for 6 weeks before. I had left domestic violence with 2 young disabled children the day before, we were homeless and I had no access to any money, accommodation, clothes, nothing. The food bank was the only way I could access food for my children. I would have looked super rich but had nothing. I couldn't blame anyone who saw me as I would have previously judged if I saw the same, but it humbled me into knowing that you can never tell what someone is going through and outward appearances are often deceptive.

These points are very true, people could have had good jobs, nice clothes, and still end up on the breadline, needing some help. They would obviously wear their clothes to a food bank, if they needed to access one.

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 15/12/2024 15:48

This is all on you I’m afraid. She was fine, polite enough. It was your choice to give them to her. If she needed them and you offered, why wouldn’t she take it? She needed them regardless of how minted she was.

ForPearlViper · 15/12/2024 15:50

Maybe think about being a little more cautious in future but please don't change. You've clearly got a very kind heart that I'm sure your friends and family value.

It really is rather a leap for people to assume you are a 'people pleaser'. I'd rather get caught out occasionally than be so cynical about others that I never tried to help anyone.

gamerchick · 15/12/2024 15:53

People will always take advantage OP. You need to practice being more assertive and saying no to cheeky requests.

Anywherebuthere · 15/12/2024 15:55

I know plenty of people who look 'rich' but I know they have been very frugal over the years and are where are now. They are generally still frugal and dont like being wasteful. It's a mindset. There's nothing wrong with that.

You over interpreted and made an assumption that Marketplace isn't the place for people who drive big cars.

It was rude of her to go into your home uninvited.

Anywherebuthere · 15/12/2024 15:58

IglesiasPiggl · 15/12/2024 15:36

The trouble is, it can be very difficult to tell if someone is genuine or not, especially online.

There is nothing to indicate the buyer isn't genuine. She said she left it a bit late. She didnt say she can't afford it.

OP made the assumption and is now cross because the woman hasn't matched up with her assumption.

Original poster
Ladyingreen999 · 15/12/2024 15:58

EmotionalSupportBiscuit · 15/12/2024 15:35

Exactly this. You brought this on yourself OP. Why on earth would you give away stuff you need?!

Show quote history

Because as I said above I'd have been happy to for someone who was in genuine need. I'm not poor.

I would just never ever do what this woman did unless I had no other choice. I made it clear I was using those items but after hearing she's about to pop I said: wow ok, would it help if I spared some to keep you going. It's just unbelievable to me that someone with money would say yes to this kind of offer.

And yeah I also use reuse and recycle groups, 100% get the concept, but this is quite different.

Anyway, yeah I know I only have myself to blame.

OP posts:
TeaAndTattoos · 15/12/2024 16:02

The car could be a Motability car. You don’t really know what she’s going through so I wouldn’t judge her based off what you saw and if couldn’t really give those things away then you should never have asked if there was anything else she needed or told her you didn’t have any when she mentioned it.