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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this woman was really cheeky

103 replies

Ladyingreen999 · 15/12/2024 15:24

I'd love to hear others opinions as this experience has left me a bit shocked!

A woman on Marketplace messaged me asking about a cheap baby item I had posted. She then asks if I have a couple of other things, I say not really as I'm still using them. She replies saying she's having her baby in 2 days and "left it a bit late". The fact she made that comment (rather thank just say ok thanks and get it from the shops or elsewhere) makes me think she might really need them and maybe not have the money, so I say don't worry, I can spare some of mine to keep you going for now. She simply replies "thank you".

Later she turns up to collect them and, I don't know much about cars, but she has a huge, rather expensive looking car. I ask her if she still needs the other bits, she says something along the lines of "if you have any spare ones". I'm not good at thinking on the spot so just end up giving her what I had prepared for her when I thought she was desperate. Not that I have much choice anyway since she follows me inside uninvited, otherwise I might have taken something out of the bag.

Later I have a little look at her FB profile and I'm pretty sure she's middle class. I actually gave her stuff I need myself and will now have to replace (not worth much, maybe £10-15, but I feel like a complete mug!) Of course the fact she's got a nice car etc doesn't mean she can't be struggling right now but I'm just a bit gobsmacked. Was she really cheeky or is it my own fault by overinterpreting her request? We do have local FB reuse sites so she could have just posted there and get stuff that someone actually had spare instead of hinting at me!

Oh also, she did casually say "I can transfer you some more money later" but I think it was more of a throwaway comment, as she only turned up with cash for the original item she was buying so again, me being a complete mug, I just left it!

OP posts:
Sirratt · 15/12/2024 18:08

OP you're too nice. Anyone genuine can go to the council, food bank or a charity there's plenty of charities, I worked for one. Set your boundaries before selling, don't give anything else away for free, extra discounts etc. People will take advantage. Loads of people scam, want it free and use guilt trips. Never let anyone in your house she could've easily stole something or worse. Did she take anything? There's loads of resources online to help you think faster on the spot, set limits, speak your mind etc. Think about yourself and don't fear about offending anyone.

She said she'd transfer you some money, you presumed it's a throwaway comment. Don't presume anything! Is it really going to cost £10-15 to replace the items? I'd message her now/today saying, 'you mentioned you'ld transfer me some money for the items, I hope it helped you out, can you please transfer £10/15 to my PayPal, that would be great'. Don't leave it too long, msg her and get what's fair.

user2848502016 · 15/12/2024 18:37

You shouldn't have offered if you couldn't spare it.
Sorry OP....

Alittlebitfluffy · 15/12/2024 18:39

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 15/12/2024 15:25

I’m sorry but that’s your own fault.

This.

Thebellofstclements · 15/12/2024 19:02

You were, as you say, a mug.

ClairDeLaLune · 15/12/2024 20:18

She never said she was hard up though! She said she’d left it to the last minute. That’s completely different! It’s totally on you I’m afraid, I don’t think she was cheeky at all. She just took what you’d offered.

stargazerlil · 15/12/2024 20:20

I think you need to re assess your boundaries.

Fabulouslyunfabulous · 15/12/2024 20:25

What were the tell tale signs on her Facebook of her being middle class? 😂

TheGrinchIsComingToTown · 15/12/2024 20:26

stargazerlil · 15/12/2024 20:20

I think you need to re assess your boundaries.

No, she needs to learn to just say no

stargazerlil · 15/12/2024 20:26

TheGrinchIsComingToTown · 15/12/2024 20:26

No, she needs to learn to just say no

That’s kind of what reassessing boundaries means

Skybluepinky · 15/12/2024 20:30

She laid the bait and u bit, use it as a life lesson and don’t fall for sob stories.

TheGrinchIsComingToTown · 15/12/2024 21:01

@stargazerlil I don't think it's a boundary, so much as just being a people pleaser

ABunchOfBadBitches · 15/12/2024 21:03

CustardySergeant · 15/12/2024 17:04

What do you mean?

‘Who sent you?’ = ‘Why would you do that? No one forced you, it was your own decision’ basically!

stargazerlil · 15/12/2024 21:05

TheGrinchIsComingToTown · 15/12/2024 21:01

@stargazerlil I don't think it's a boundary, so much as just being a people pleaser

It’s both

DottieMoon · 15/12/2024 21:14

I voted YABU as although the woman was being cheeky, you are ridiculous to have just given her extra things for free.

Sirratt · 15/12/2024 22:11

All the OP has done is be too nice and trusting. Doesn't warrant the nasty replies, but it's easy to be nasty behind a screen.
I mentioned above, send her a msg with the amount you'ld want for the items.
The OP mentioned she was still using them so likely has a baby or toddler and could be sleep deprived or hormones all over the place. She made a mistake, it's a small loss, you live and learn.

devilspawn · 15/12/2024 22:14

Ladyingreen999 · 15/12/2024 17:03

Yes she looked heavily pregnant.

It has been known for people to do this with a fake baby bump, and get as much as possible to stick on eBay and Vinted. Could be how she got the car.

Was the item you were offering nice? As that plus your messages back and forth may have identified you as a good target.

If it was just very basic stuff that wouldn't have been worth anything sold on then maybe she just really did need it. My parents had a modern expensive Porsche for years yet couldn't afford Sky TV.

Toddlerteaplease · 15/12/2024 22:16

Completely your own fault. No is a full sentence.

hulahula2 · 15/12/2024 22:20

Your intentions were well meaning but it was daft to offer her stuff you were still using!!! I mean if it was just sat about collecting dust then maybe, but if you need to replace them then it's actually cost you money to 'help' a stranger.

You don't know her circumstances. Just because she drives a nice car it doesn't make her rich. But it's irrelevant now anyway. The stuff is gone. Take it as a lesson.

Tia86 · 15/12/2024 22:20

Not sure why everyone is saying the pregnant lady is a chancer and trying her luck at getting freebies.
I am sure I have had similar messages in the past whe someone selling a baby related item and people wondering if I had other stuff to get rid of. Saves going round to multiple houses and I think people also see it as helping you get rid of stuff (especially if they then offer some money). The obvious reply is to say no, sorry I am still using these, but I can keep your message and let you know when I no longer need them if you might be interested them. The woman would probably then have just said no worries and collected whatever it was you had that she wanted. End of.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 15/12/2024 22:22

Do not ever let people you dont know into your house. Madness.

Jellybeanz456 · 15/12/2024 22:57

Should off directed her to some freebie pages instead off giving up things you actually need.

Ladyingreen999 · 15/12/2024 23:57

Sirratt · 15/12/2024 22:11

All the OP has done is be too nice and trusting. Doesn't warrant the nasty replies, but it's easy to be nasty behind a screen.
I mentioned above, send her a msg with the amount you'ld want for the items.
The OP mentioned she was still using them so likely has a baby or toddler and could be sleep deprived or hormones all over the place. She made a mistake, it's a small loss, you live and learn.

Thank you for your kind messages. I don't think it was a scam, it was just some baby essentials, not worth much 2nd hand. She also refused my offer of some other things I actually wanted to give away as she didn't need them so it's not like she was trying to get as much as possible.

She followed me a few steps as I was talking to her whilst grabbing the stuff for her (which she shouldn't have done, and that's a lesson for me to always have things ready at the door in future). Obviously if I felt unsafe I would have reacted but on this occassion I didn't, she was alone and I wasn't so I just gave her the stuff and she left, but lesson learned.

It is a good suggestion with the message, but I'll leave it this time as I'm not sure she realised I thought she was in need (but to those criticising me, my message was quite clear: "I don't have many of XYZ but can maybe spare one or two if it helps" - I'd personally never accept an offer worded this way unless I was broke but maybe it just didn't click for her. Or maybe she is broke despite the car. Who knows). Either way I'm over it but thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Pipconkermash · 16/12/2024 00:01

I actually gave her stuff I need myself and will now have to replace (not worth much, maybe £10-15, but I feel like a complete mug!)

What on earth were you thinking? Are you vulnerable?

AlwaysGinPlease · 16/12/2024 19:53

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 15/12/2024 15:25

I’m sorry but that’s your own fault.

This. Sorry OP but you need to toughen up.

TheJones · 16/12/2024 19:57

You’re a lovely person OP- that’s a good quality to have. Some people just take advantage; seems the case here. But on a positive karma will come back around to you ❤️