People say they are coming over at a particular time and then are an hour or more late. Why?

[Mill3nnial]

My family are so bad for this and often it's just to "pop in" so I'm not even cooking or anything but if someone tells me they're coming over at 2 pm I expect them at 2. I make sure we're ready and the house is clean, I don't do anything that might keep me from answering the door like cleaning or vacuuming upstairs in case I don't hear the door... so I'm basically just waiting around and it annoys me so much. I'm then in a bad mood when they get here.

I'm sure I shouldn't be so bothered but I can't help it if I'm expecting someone at a certain time.

I have no idea why people do this @Mill3nnial and it's like they think their time is more important than yours!

YANBU to be pissed off with it, but you will get some people come on here and claim they 'can't help it' and come up with a bunch of lame reasons why they just can't POSSIBLY be on time. 🙄

They're just selfish twats who value their own time and convenience. NB this is assuming there hasn't been a one-off major crisis.

Because they are rude and disrespectful. I would just stop inviting them, tbh.

I have a friend like this, late every single time. I call her every one’s time waster, as she does it to every. It’s actually put off this friendship quite a bit.

If actually go out

I can’t stand it

Yanbu.
We were going to drop some stuff off at dds today and I still rang to confirm when we set off. Cannot abide lateness.
Ds1 has quite serious mh issues and if I'm going to his I give him a time but if it gets to about 10 minutes late, traffic whatever he starts ringing because he can't cope. I realise that's extreme. But it's just good manners.

It depends

I know ppl with ADHD that struggle with time so am very understanding

I also know people that clearly think they are superior and their time is more valuable than mine and they can fuck right off

My sister and brother-in-law do this, even when they're coming for a meal.

I had a relative who used to invite me round and then not be in when I got there. She wouldn't have forgotten, she would just be running late. That was annoying.

It is because they are rude .

You get the measure of people and act accordingly. One friend I know is always bang on time, another always about half hour late. It makes no difference the distance. I dud surprise one friend by showing up in time - she said she was relying on me to be my usual 15 minutes late! And if I'm ever more than that I always call to tell people.

Perhaps you could say, "Sure, it would be lovely to see you, but I'll warn you now I'm off to the dentist/hairdresser/insert plausible excuse for your circumstances at 3:30"
Then go out at said time.
It might be inconvenient to have to leave your own house for an invented reason, but you could find something you like doing, or an errand like getting parcels to the Post Office.
You might even find the "inconvenience" of having their time wasted by your not being there gives them pause for thought.
Or more simply, don't avoid activities that risk missing that tardy knock on the door; if you genuinely miss hearing them because you were upstairs, or busy in the garden, that's a shame which can't be helped; you're not put on this earth to hover in a holding pattern for their benefit.

I have a friend like this, I ended up telling him he's really rude to constantly turn up late with no/a rubbish excuse. He apologises every time but is still late, every time.
My ILs are notorious for being late, too. Really winds me up, especially if I'm cooking!

I’m always late. I hate myself for it. I don’t make arrangements to meet people or go out anymore because I simply can’t manage my time. I procrastinate over everything. I’ve missed out on so much of life because of my behaviour, I know this and still can’t change.

Cause they're cunts.

That's the only reason.

Or, to be more polite and friendly and less harsh..
It's because they're selfish cunts who think they're time is more valuable then every other fuckers.

😁

I detest people who are always late.
once or twice with good reason, fine, but there's people who are always late for no good reason other than they're happy to leave you waiting whilst they cock about with some shite.

I don't tolerate it. If they're not there by 2.15, they're not coming, I don't wait, I go about my life.
I do the decent thing of course and let them know.
"Don't bother coming, I'm not waiting around for you ant longer, my time is equally precious to me as yours is you you, so I've gone out. Fuck you, fuck you very much."
🤪

I think it's so rude when presumably you are also busy so can't just wait around. I have a friend collecting me today and she is running 10 minutes late. That's completely fine as it's only 10 minutes, she has let me know and she is driving me there is the first place

Depends.

If I'm driving up to my mum's it's a 4 hour drive and that's if the traffic is good. If there's accidents and so on it's been known to take 7 hours before now.

So - if they are coming a long distance, or on trains that get cancelled/diverted etc then it's part of long distance travel.

If they are local it depends - was it l'll pop round sometime this afternoon with the icing sugar maybe around 2 if I have the time or I'll come round at 2pm.

Honestly I think it's a dominance thing- "I'm the boss of this relationship". I don't tolerate anyone like this anymore because it is designed to make someone feel unimportant. If someone wants to make me feel that way I don't want them around me at all.

Don't even get me started on visitors who did this when I had a newborn, and said it was because they were busy!

Thanks everyone for understanding @Octavia64 I completely understand if it's longer distance although even then I always give a rough time and then a more accurate time when we set off

I'm thinking of people who are 10-30 mins away who said at 11ish they'd be here "before 1" and turned up after 2. When I asked I got something about how they didn't leave the house until 1 and then went shopping. Why they didn't think to text me at that time they'd be about an hour late is beyond me. We are talking close family so u can't totally hold it against them but it really annoys me.

Bad time management? Lack of Consideration?
Have you let them know it pisses you off?

My friend is consistently late, usually she texts to say she's running late but I can't understand why! Fair enough if it's just a catch up at my house, I can find things to do, and tbh me and dh take bets on how late she'll be. She's late for work, used to be late for school and be running down the road for both things, can't imagine living like that because I'm always on time.
However, if we are going out out, and I usually drive as I don't drink, she's on time then. This is because I tell her when I'm leaving home and getting Sarah, for example, then text her I'm leaving Sarah's and I'm on my way to hers. I've warned her that if she's not outside or coming outside when I pull up and text her I'm here, I'll leave. I've never done it but she absolutely knows I'd do it.

If I’ve something that needs doing, once a visitor is more than 15 minutes late, I’d text them and say I’ve got to pop out, be back at ‘ whatever time I think’. Then it’s up to them to say I’m only 5 mins away or whatever. Doesn’t generally happen more than once though.

Well said!!People are so bloody rude and entitled these days. All the silly excuses people come out with, just irritate me .
Unless I have a real problem I am always on time!

Great insight there. Totally agree!

In pre-mobile days I got so pissed off with a friend always keeping me waiting upwards of twenty minutes I just left.

But the absolute worst is a relative who is obsessive about being on time (or usually early) except when meeting me.