People say they are coming over at a particular time and then are an hour or more late. Why?

[Mill3nnial]

My family are so bad for this and often it's just to "pop in" so I'm not even cooking or anything but if someone tells me they're coming over at 2 pm I expect them at 2. I make sure we're ready and the house is clean, I don't do anything that might keep me from answering the door like cleaning or vacuuming upstairs in case I don't hear the door... so I'm basically just waiting around and it annoys me so much. I'm then in a bad mood when they get here.

I'm sure I shouldn't be so bothered but I can't help it if I'm expecting someone at a certain time.

It's just plain rude and thoughtless. I have a cousin like this, it's never her fault, she's "just late". The worst occasion was loudly entering a relative's funeral 10 minutes after it started.

@SoUnsureWhatToDo
Yes I agree it's very annoying. We sat round the corner from my friend's for 15 mins last week because we were invited for 8pm and didn't want to arrive early when she was cooking/getting changed/plumping the cushions.

@Mill3nnial I agree it's rude and ridiculous to turn up dead late with no advance warning. Having said that, I really don't think it's normal to not feel like you can watch TV or get on with household jobs whilst you wait for a visitor to turn up?! I don't get the concern about not hearing the door, surely they'd ring you or something if they were waiting at the door? I keep my phone close to me if I'm expecting someone and doing something very noisy or at the back end of the house where I may not hear the door. It wouldn't occur to me to sit and wait for anyone. I just don't have the free time to do that frankly, I have too much to do atm! There is endless housework and laundry and so on.

Maybe just tell that to the people around you? Ask them to send you a message when they really set on their way, so they will be able to adjust the expected time of arrival accordingly and you won't be in the high allert mode unnecessarily ?

There is no universal shared norm around home visits, but it should be possible to find a way to make it work.

@LegoHouse274 Yes like I said that's on me. I realise not everyone is like this. I'm autistic if that makes a difference

@eightIsNewNine I don't know what you mean about there being no shared norm. If someone specially says they'll be there "before 1pm" you'd think they'd not turn up after 2. However I think I will just start saying text me before you set off.

Ok, before 1/after 2 is quite a big difference and I understand that you are annoyed by that.

The "no shared norm" comment is more about the general width of positions in this thread - some would say that 15 minutes late is the perfect polite time and some would consider the visit cancelled if one doesn't turn up by quarter past.

Fingers crossed for the message to work, in my experience it allows highly organised and seriously time-lost people have fun together.