Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

OP you're DH is a star! How rare are threads where DHs back their spouse against the in-laws? Well done him.

I have put ynbu because I totally agree with you.

However when DH and I were in our mid-twenties and still childfree, we got a dog and honestly we were in full on "dog parent mode", took it everywhere, If i was driving myself id have it sitting in the front passenger seat so he could see and i could clap it when at traffic lights 🙄....doted on it, lots of toys from pets at home, days out faraway on walks that were good for dogs etc. It was a big part of our lives.

All IL were very anti dog and I do remember we were both annoyed dog wasn't allowed with us when we visited.

We wouldn't leave the dog for longer than a couple of hours as we thought it'd get lonely, when we were at work we had dog walker and we would still drive home on lunch break to check in on the dog!

No one ever told us to kennel the dog for Christmas and we definitely would not have done that if it was suggested. I also wouldn't have put him in a crate either, even if one was provided.
Instead we stayed for a couple of hours, had the meal and went home to get dog for a long dog walk together "just the three of us"...🙄

Do I think I was unreasonable now in hindsight, well yes.

But at the time, no I would not have thought I was unreasonable. 🤦

Time, growing up, unwell baby, years under kids hospital - our perspective has changed on whats important or what we have head space for.

I remember when dc was born dying and I was dying, dog was left alone for long periods. We were in hospital for a long time, NICU, HDU, SCBU and by the end of it I resented that we felt obligated to drive home once a day and tend to dog as id rather have just spent all my time there. So it meant multiple trips to hospital each day for such a long time. We still had dog walker but we were at hospital pretty much 9am-9/10pm....Then when we finally got home from hospital dog had picked up kennel cough and needed meds/vet and I just felt that was the beginning of it, my disconnect from dog and it's just continued.

We are so stretched in life that our dog is a low priority and he gets the basics ticked to be honest, he's now very old, sleeps a lot and I imagine will pass away in next year or so due to age and I will not be getting another dog or any pet as it's so much work and I now hate the dog hair, responsibility and general burden.

I would not want anyone else's dog in my house for hygiene reasons and just a general dislike of them now.

We have a dog boarder who takes our dog, she is young, childfree and much like we were, she loves her dogs and the dogs she cares for. She sends me all these photos on dog days out, sleeping, treats etc - she has so much enthusiasm, but thats all gone for me now. So I just feign delight over these pictures for her sake, but i could care less as I don't have the headspace, time, nor interest in anything dog related now.

I just wanted to give you my honest perspective.

Sorry I'm not sure what you could do and I feel you're a bit stuck with their dog honeymoon phase just now.

Good luck x

@ThunderLeaf if you read Op latest update the problem has been solved. Her husband uninvited all of them. So no dogs will be in attendance.

The simplest solutions are often the best ones!

@ThunderLeaf Your post started off so positive, however you’ve gone from one extreme to the other.Your dog is now a low priority a burden.You’ve completely lost interest because he’s old and that you have other priorities (I have other priorities too, but it didn’t change how l care for my dog) so now you’ve become intolerant, dislike other dogs.
I understand you not wanting other dogs to come into your home, however your honest view though is very sad, demonstrating there are people, who have dogs who really shouldn’t, in your words you’re only prepared to give him the basics.
This thread has been an eye opener for sure.

Puppies and rescue dogs and busy, hectic festive gatherings do not mix! My dog is super well behaved but I wouldn't take him somewhere loud and with children - it isnt fair on either of them.
It would stress me out needing to have eyes in the back of my head that said dog wasn't doing something it shouldn't, watching what people were giving it to eat or it scavenging food it shouldn't have. The noise, loud crackers, excited present opening is all just too much for dogs who arent used to it.
If your relatives don't get all of the above they need to really take a look at themselves and understand what is in a dog's best interests. I say this as a person who takes their dog with them everywhere but even I have boundaries!!

In fairness to Thunderleaf I think if I am reading her post correctly she has a seriously ill child. I think we would all become neglectful dealing with that.

Your DH is a keeper.

Imagine trying to tell a man to 'put his foot down' with his wife like he's the boss in a marriage of equals. What a bunch of CFers.

Good for him. So glad you were a united team on this issue. The cheek of them, honestly

No doubt Thunderleaf life changed, different priorities, but really it would have been better for the dog to be rehomed, rather then being treated as a burden because dogs pick up, if someone doesn’t like them.Thunderleaf has said, she doesn’t like dogs, whatever happens in life, if you can’t cope with your dog, don’t want it, do the right thing, give it another chance with another family, who wants and is prepared to care for them, by rehoming.
When reading this post, it definitely wasn’t my reaction to think, in all fairness we would all become neglectful, not like the dog because the person’s life had changed.

Eh?

I am a dog lover, but even I think you are not being unreasonable.

I have a few friends and family with dogs, but have never had anyone turn up with a dog without checking first. TBH I would have said no. Glad your DH stuck up for you OP.

Well done that man! He's a sensible lad!

**
Yes. They have these things called teeth that they use to remove the paper. How odd that you couldn't work that out yourself.“

Our dog never worked that out. She must have been as stupid as I apparently am, @DelicateSoundOfEchos

(Had she been able to, I’d have stopped her anyway. I’d rather she hadn’t eaten wrappings or got the idea that it’ was fine to shred things in the house)

Happy Christmas.

None of our dogs have ever worked it out either, @MrsSkylerWhite. Admittedly our first dog was a chocolate lab, and had a non-existent IQ, but we have had other, brighter dogs who haven't worked it out either.

My dog is like a joyful toddler when he opens his presents.

He knows what a present is, he can get the paper off (no tape just folding) and he loves doing this because he knows that there’s something good in there for him - a food treat or a squeaky toy.

He doesn’t go for anyone’s presents other than his own because his came from a dog shop and he can smell that fact. He knows which are his and he knows the paper is not for eating.

He is highly intelligent (small dog). He can’t work out what day Christmas Day is though. So he sniffed out his presents which were not visible and on a high shelf and stood on his hind legs and looked me in the eye to ask me to get them down. So I did. I let him have them yesterday as he was so thrilled with the wrapping and the presents. Literal joy like a little kid. So I’ll get him one more for Christmas.

And yes, he is an invited guest for Christmas when we go and see family. Who also have a dog, so the two dogs will have a great time together.

I have a DH and older teens. We all love watching dog with his presents. After he’s got them, he dances around like a rabbit frolicking as he’s so pleased. And then since nobody has to work, we’ll take him out for a really nice walk. Not to mention some delicious meat - which usually we do chicken as turkey is a just waste of money.

In fact, Christmas can be a stressful time and pressurised to have the perfect social media style experience. But we find the dog to be one of the most joyful things at Christmas.

It’s fine for the op not to want dogs at her house. But I maintain that inviting people with 3 dogs between them was a recipe for disaster - the fallout she’s suffering proves this.

Let them make their own Christmas dinners. Losers.

As a family of dog lovers and all have dogs they are of course included. No one wants to leave them alone, they're part of the family so always welcome whoever hosts. They love it as well, seeing their mates and having fun! Wouldn't have it any other way. Xx

Hope you hadn’t done th3 big shop! They are extremely CF assuming the dogs could come. Crazy.

My bil hosted us on Sunday, he has a new puppy, same breed as ours. We’ve dog sat for him multiple times, he knows our two who are very sociable but I still triple checked that it was ok to bring them. No way would I ever assume. Next time, I’ll check again and not assume.

2 puppies? There’ll be pee everywhere and a big get together with small kids (the ‘kids’ on Sunday were all uni age) would be a recipe for disaster.

@Deeperthantheocean

OP would have it another way though, and as she’s hosting what she says goes, end of!

This is completely different to the OP because you all have dogs. She does not.

Would you take your dog to dog free house without asking?

Glad to hear it OP, BUT I do hope your DH has made it clear to his family that it was his decision to cancel.

They seem hell bent on blaming you for this. Their willingness to try to stoke division between you & DH and dismissiveness of your OCD would leave a really nasty taste in the mouth for me.