Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

I would say it’s not the expectation that you bring your dog with you on Christmas Day. I don’t know what sort of area you live in, but having lived rurally my whole life, in an area that’s not yet gentrified, it’s not a part of our culture to bring your dog absolutely everywhere with you. We have some dog friendly pubs in places that could draw in dog walkers, but most establishments they won’t be welcome in.

It sounds as though they maybe have a doggy Christmas together without you. I think the inlaws are unrealistic about dogs loving big family get togethers. It will end in tears

Dh cancelled after more messages (‘why can’t the dogs just have the conservatory for the day?’, ‘Why are you upsetting MIL?’ , ‘Can’t you just put your foot down and stick up for your family?’ etc etc). He just said he had had enough so it’s going to be a quiet Christmas this year !

I'm glad your DH has your back and stood up to their ridiculousness. It's better to take a stand now once and for all if not it just opens the door for them to think it's ok to bring their dogs everytime.

Glad it’s cancelled Op! Now you can look forward to the break without having this over your head.

That's good to hear.

Am so sorry your awful inlaws put you through this, and tried to scapegoat you, yet so pleased that your DH has your back and prioritised the Christmas you both want with your kids. Have a lovely, stress free, Christmas!

Good for your dh.
The family are being ridiculous.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas with your dh and the dc.

It’s for the best op, it was just a load of hassle that you definitely could do without.It’s good your Dh has cancelled, his family were in the wrong.Have a lovely peaceful Christmas x

Disagree. We “live in an animal friendly family” in that out of mine and my husband’s siblings and parents, three out of the five other households have dogs. The default is NOT that dogs are included.

Sounds like things have resolved somewhat OP but FWIW I adore dogs and am a Self employed dog walker by choice so I spend my days surrounded by dogs of all shapes and sizes.

I'm well versed in challenging behaviour, basic training, body language etc.. I have a dog of my own who has good manners and enjoys the company of other dogs.

I have a dog home boarding license so sometimes accommodate a customer's dog for a week or two whilst they are away. I am not very house proud, am pretty tolerant of dog quirks and barks, and am a massive pushover / softie when it comes to animals.

But, I would not expect, or want, my family to rock up with dogs in tow on Christmas Day. In fact I've been in this situation with my ex-family (unfortunately my concerns were ignored my them and EXH) and it was a PITA for a number of reasons:

Some of the dogs had never met and so their interactions needed managing.

A couple were boisterous which upset the more timid ones.

The boisterous ones were racing around the garden to the point of risking injury (sharp stops, turns).

The small puppy managed to get out of my cat flap. She also was at the chewing stage which was nightmare around new toys, batteries, wrapping paper.

I had to be vigilant about DC's interactions with the dogs- not easy when hosting.

There were presents around containing unknown contents including food which I had to move out of reach- tricky with a house full.

As the day wore on people started to get drunk, and I had to play "watch the chocolate / Christmas cake / mince pies " as they were wandering about and leaving food all over the place which could have caused major issues for scavenging dogs.

It was exhausting and stressful for me, risky and stressful for most of the dogs who would have been happier snoozing in their homes TBH. No thanks or acknowledgment from anyone.

I don't miss EX's inconsiderate, self-centred family. Miss the dogs though!

Both sides had equal responsibility to clearly state.
No, they definitely did not. The obligation is on the dog owner only - to check with the host if dog is allowed and if not to decline the invitation or sort arrangements for the dog. As evidenced by plenty of sensible dog owners on this thread who say they would never assume dog is invited and would always ask.

The in law who messaged…’why don’t you just put your foot down…’ is particularly nasty to imply your DH is being controlled by you. I would certainly be reluctant to ever entertain his/her company again. I hope your wonderful DH has put them each straight on that point, reiterating that you are both on the same page on the subject of not wanting dogs. Their constant push-back against the wishes of you both is arrogant beyond belief.

Both sides had equal responsibility to clearly state.

Whoever thinks this is batsh*t.

If I invite someone to my house, I shouldn't have to add a clause - oh by the way, just to make clear, your pet goldfish isn't invited, and neither is your great aunt Mildred, oh and neither is the fox that lives in your garden. I've invited THEM and them only. Why tf would anyone with half a brain think that I was inviting their pet animal to join us...?!

Exactly this.

Well that backfired! Not only did they not manage to manipulate him into forcing their dogs on you and your household they’ve got themselves uninvited altogether 😂 not the result they were expecting I’m sure.

Honestly if more husbands were like this maybe in-laws wouldn’t even try it!

I agree with you, we tried that, but the kids are teens and they have been given the choice. I've told them that I personally would rather stay at home, but they are insistent that going to Granny's (even with the dog) is what they want to do as it's their expectation of Christmas and tradition. Two years ago I said we weren't going because of the dog, but they were upset and said they'd rather see grandparents and the dog, rather than not seeing grandparents at all.

Yes, you are absolutely entitled to a dog-free Christmas. I also found this part quite rude (of them):
DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house.

So what if it is because of your OCD? It's a valid reason and it's not remotely for them to a) dismiss your condition and b) to suggest your DH can override your wishes.
Honestly, on that basis, I'd cancel the whole thing!

Let it go.Did you read op’s update.

Yes exactly
To clarify, the sensible dog owners on this thread are saying they would never assume, their dog, or any dog is invited to someone else’s home.You got there in the end @surreygirl1987

I always think too that dogs aren't as supple and graceful as cats to get themselves over the step up bit they have to do to get their legs out. ..

Also dogs are a bit dim compared to cats.

Great to see your dh backed you up all the way. I love animals, but wouldn't be bringing any to other people's houses or trying to convince them to allow me to. People are so weird

Both sides had equal responsibility to clearly state. Who issues an invitation and doesn't say look we can't have the dog

Me. I wouldn't think I needed to. Inviting someone to your house is not inviting their dog. Surely that's obvious.

Hmm interesting, what about, Guide dogs, police dogs(who detect drugs and bombs) assistance dogs, Army service dogs, therapy dogs, sheep dogs(they herd livestock)
There’s probably more roles they do, maybe you get the gist now or do you still think they’re dim.

That’s good news op, glad it’s been resolved.
Dh’s family were definitely taking liberties.
Have a lovely Christmas.