To be devastated that he's missed the Christmas shopping deadline

[tilypu]

I only asked for one thing. The deadline passed last weekend and it turns out he hasn't even bloody ordered it.

https://www.buccellati.com/en_gb/openable-cabbage-large-centerpiece-sagbow011395xxx000.html

Christmas is ruined! He's suggesting he fashion one out of tin foil instead. He thinks he'll be able to fasten it together with the Tiffany paperclip he got me a few years ago. To be fair, he created a surprisingly good mock up of a Jackson Pollock painting, although I think Crispín and Tabitha suspect it's not genuine.

I'm utterly discombobulated.

😂

@tilypu
A’m vary vary disappointed in you dear child. You really should value yourself.
You must send a servant out forthwith to acquire a copy of ‘Why do Earls do that?’ Molly the plain little maid can read it to you in the bath.
Tomorrow you absolutely must my darling book a call with Ladies Aid. I’m sure they have a little apartment somewhere select and naice for you to use as a bolt hole.
Then I’m awfully sorry to be so crass, but you must book yourself into a clinic, Harley Street if no where better is accommodating, to have a test for any unsavoury germs that your Soon To Be Ex Earl has contracted. A silver (silver??) iceberg lettuce bowl is too insulting for words.

Read the room. Some of us are struggling to afford the simplest solid silver turnip this year.

Spray a cabbage with silver paint?

Is it edible? 🤣

What a strange thing to want! And £28!

It is a joke - surely?! If not, what a crock of shit! 😂

£28? Darling, I couldn't buy a single teaspoon for that.

😂

YABU see a solicitor tomorrow. Get your ducks in a row. Do you have a joint account? What you planned on buying the cabbage without being married! Ask Citizens advice.

Leave the bastard!

If I had a DH he would have by now failed to buy me that banana taped to a gallery wall, and believe me he would be suffering for his appalling behaviour.

Proud DMC-er 😂

This is why I love, love, love the British. The dry, clever, savage humor. I am in the USA and just read the whole thread aloud to my husband who also laughed hysterically.
You are wonderful. You made my week. Thank you.

I actually really want that cabbage now

Could you not make do with one of those chicken ornaments as your centrepiece that were popular in the 80s and they had one on the tv show Bread?
I was thinking you could keep the £28k in it until the real thing is available to re-order.
you could glance at the chicken mid Xmas dinner then give him the dagger eyes across the table! the bastard

this

I actually want to try and make that now and will be buying tunnocks tea cakes today. i will be able to identify fellow mumsnetters by the tunnocks tea cakes in their baskets.

Christ, I didn’t want it when I thought it was £28.00 how the other half live eh 😄

Buy yourself a cabbage, one you really love, then buy a can of Silver spray paint. I'm sure you'll be happier with your own, unique, bespoke cabbage. No one else will have YOUR cabbage & you'll have saved £27,998.01.

Either way who cares darlings! The staff can ponder that conundrum.

This is obviously a joke 😁

First world problems 🙄

I'm sorry darling, but you've come to the wrong place if you are looking to discuss socio-economic issues in developing countries. That's not really the kind of thing that people post on AIBU - maybe try 'News' if that's what you are after? It's a fairly uk-centric forum though, so I'm not sure how much you'll find.

Yeah, it's a real struggle—my avocado toast is too ripe to Instagram.