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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be devastated that he's missed the Christmas shopping deadline

182 replies

tilypu · 15/12/2024 05:38

I only asked for one thing. The deadline passed last weekend and it turns out he hasn't even bloody ordered it.

https://www.buccellati.com/en_gb/openable-cabbage-large-centerpiece-sagbow011395xxx000.html

Christmas is ruined! He's suggesting he fashion one out of tin foil instead. He thinks he'll be able to fasten it together with the Tiffany paperclip he got me a few years ago. To be fair, he created a surprisingly good mock up of a Jackson Pollock painting, although I think Crispín and Tabitha suspect it's not genuine.

I'm utterly discombobulated.

SILVER CABBAGE LARGE CENTERPIECE

Bowl in silver

https://www.buccellati.com/en_gb/openable-cabbage-large-centerpiece-sagbow011395xxx000.html

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
lastchristmasforreal · 15/12/2024 11:48

Oh, Lady Ashton - bless her heart - is at it again I see. A more skilled stirrer of trouble could not be found.

MegaClutterSlut · 15/12/2024 12:03

LTB! What a selfish fucker. Just unforgivable, Solicitors first thing tomorrow....Bastard

Emptyandsad · 15/12/2024 14:04

BeerForMyHorses · 15/12/2024 07:12

How incredibly selfish.
Get your ducks in row now !

These ones?

Better hurry, there's only one left...

ManhattanPopcorn · 15/12/2024 14:36

It might be for the best. One wouldn't have done the job. I think you'd have needed at least three of them to make a real impact.

bugalugs45 · 15/12/2024 16:10

I'm sure he can drive to wherever it is ( worldwide ) & collect in person, after all you wouldn't want the delivery driver losing or damaging it !
I'll go myself for a small charge 😉

Rosscameasdoody · 15/12/2024 16:22

viques · 15/12/2024 10:48

Apropos of nothing our local greengrocers has recently taken on a new assistant. Ghastly little man. I wouldn’t want him handling anything I later wanted to put in my mouth.

Lots of people bleaching their sprouts at Christmas then ?!!

viques · 15/12/2024 16:28

Rosscameasdoody · 15/12/2024 16:22

Lots of people bleaching their sprouts at Christmas then ?!!

Apparently that’s what some of the Masterchef contestants were tempted to do 🙂

EliosBackPack · 15/12/2024 16:37

Thoughts and prayers 😢😢😢😢😢

CheeryPlum · 15/12/2024 17:27

There's only one thing for it OP.

Don't give him any Christmas dinner. If you've got the cabbage blues, he deserves the Brussel's Pouts 😡

tilypu · 15/12/2024 17:30

I'm so sorry that I have been missing in action all day. I had to take to my bed with the vapours earlier. I have some devastating news - although some of you may not be too surprised.

You see, when I heard that Lady Ashton was in possession of one, I had a little chat with my maidservant. We all know that, despite her marrying him for his money, Lord Ashton finds dispensing of liquid assets a little... challenging. At first I thought that maybe she had acquired the rather distasteful 'alternative' that someone here suggested, for a mere £29. £29?? I mean heavens above, one has to wonder what sorry of inferior product comes in at that price. But no, my maidservant (the quite wonderful Naomi. She used to work for the Royal Family don't you know, until... well, there was a bit of a do. Not her fault at all, but you know what that family are like! Anyway, we snapped her up, and we are quite delighted with her.

Anyway, she's very close to one of the kitchen maids at the Ashton's. And not only could she furnish me with the information that it is in fact genuine, but she could tell me that it was a gift from a... well, first she said a gentleman admirer. But with a bit of pressure, she admitted it was Earl Tilypu!

He has been out all day, and now I suspect I know what Jezabel he has been consorting with.

I will speak with him on his return and of course I will update you all.

Thank you all so much, you have been too kind, every one of you. I know I can rely on your support while I navigate these tricky waters. It is absolutely unacceptable that he has allowed himself to be spotted while engaging in his little proclivities.

OP posts:
Soonenough · 15/12/2024 17:36

Are you OK ( a la Holly Willoughby ) ? Unless you can get a Blue Peter version to make yourself, I suggest you Leave the useless silver cabbage avoidant Bastard .

lastchristmasforreal · 15/12/2024 17:42

Naomi sounds like a keeper.

LittleMousewithcloggson · 15/12/2024 18:45

Scentedjasmin · 15/12/2024 11:22

Are you insinuating that The Marquis of Tilytu has been awooing Lady Ashton with his silver cabbages again?

Well one doesn’t like to gossip but it seems Naomi (definitely a keeper) has confirmed the shocking details. I am so sorry Op darling

tilypu · 15/12/2024 19:06

Thank you so much! Naomi is indeed a darling girl, and while I am sure the rest of society are having an uproarious time with the 'news', she was incredibly reluctant to share. I mean, we all know that men are simple creatures with base (and frankly messy) habits, there's no need for such activities to be attended to in a manner where the help know that it's happening. It's undignified!

And one can quite understand why Lady Ashton was looking for company. Lord Ashton famously has been enjoying the company of a single man called Alfred, who appeared on the scene some years ago and completely charmed us all. Lady Ashton was very taken with him and must have been very disappointed to realised that it wasn't she that he was interested in.

Oh, must dash. The butler has just announced the esteemed Earl Tilypu's arrival. I shall keep you updated.

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 15/12/2024 20:09

Zoiks

MouldyCandy · 15/12/2024 20:46

If your plan doesn't work, the infamous 12 Days of Christmas eBay centrepiece is still available:
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/404713124756?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=HpUXcKnJSKe&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=nCBftHQdStK&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=WHATS_APP

SaagAloopa · 15/12/2024 20:53

MouldyCandy · 15/12/2024 20:46

I hope that gets dusted every so often

RedToothBrush · 15/12/2024 20:56

Fear not. Aldi does the same thing only DIY.

Go to the veg aisle and grab one of those green ones. Then get some tin foil.

Job done.

(You'll be bored of the original after a week so why waste more money).

LittleMousewithcloggson · 15/12/2024 21:40

Oh darling, how terrible. If Crispin and Tabitha need a break then Orson and Octavia would love to see them for a few days. We aren’t going to our holiday home in the Alps until the 20th and Nanny will happily keep an eye on them all. (I know they are all much older now but Nanny is such a dear that we didn’t want to let her go)
All this because of a cabbage, why on earth couldn’t the Earl just buy 2 of them

lifeturnsonadime · 15/12/2024 21:43

All this because of a cabbage, why on earth couldn’t the Earl just buy 2 of them

Tight bastard.

tilypu · 15/12/2024 22:24

Well the Earl had the good grace to look thoroughly ashamed when I talked to him. It turns out he had originally made the purchase with me in mind. She asked him what his Christmas gift to me was, and when he told her she absolutely insisted that she get one too! She has no original thoughts at all, I suspect. His plan was to order another, but he didn't realise he was too late. He is rather a silly sausage.

He was rather embarrassed to discover that the word was out. It turns out he was getting rather bored of his latest peccadillo and was rather inclined to end things after Christmas. I rather think this has brought that decision forward a little. At least she is left with a rather splendid reminder.

The darling that he is, he's come up with quite the perfect alternative! He's going to hire someone to create a bespoke piece for me. It will be nothing like what she got, which in some ways is a blessing I think. Sadly it won't be ready this Christmas, but he's going to commission a silver iceberg lettuce bowl instead. I think it will be quite the centrepiece!

OP posts:
ineedtowomanup · 15/12/2024 22:34

This is what I imagine Mohammed Al Fayed had on his dining table - it's creepy

Beesandhoney123 · 15/12/2024 22:52

Nothing says Christmas like a silver cabbage centrepiece. You'll never live it down - suggest cancel Crispin and Tabitha immediately.

xoxrebelxox · 16/12/2024 17:58

This shows they have more money than sense, how about donating £28k to a good few worthy charities....

TribeofFfive · 16/12/2024 18:07

xoxrebelxox · 16/12/2024 17:58

This shows they have more money than sense, how about donating £28k to a good few worthy charities....

oh dear