To change my child's name at 18 months

[LovelyDIL]

I know the answer is yes but I honestly hate it. I've always been unsure about it and the feeling won't go away. There's another name I prefer.
What would you do?

OP's comment was that she "honestly hates" her DC's name. That is quite an important statement from a mother. "Honestly hates".

I don't think buying a cat, guinea pig, goldfish or any other pet is going to help.

I would change it.

I nearly did the same thing with my Daughters name. I thought it was too late to change it so didn't, but if I had the chance again then I would definitely change it.

And then she said "Her name isn't really that bad"
So I say stick with it and buy a cat.

So perhaps hate was a strong word. I just keep going back to this regret that I picked the wrong name and I think I'm more mad at myself over that than her actual name being awful. It's not a bad name - and she does suit it. But I just keep getting this regret and it keeps coming back and I think that's what I hate - that I didn't made the wrong decision.

She is a very loved beautiful healthy child and we are honestly so blessed to have her.

Maybe I feel like I've ler her down by choosing the wrong name for her. I just want her to have the best and this is the first big decision I made for her and I'm worried it's the wrong one.

Sorry I just didn't want people to think I was being selfish and not thinking of her as this is all about me thinking of her and wanting the best for her and maybe that didn't come across in the first post.

My parents tried to do this with me and an actual middle name. They had always used my middle name, but thought at nursery and then school would use my proper first name. The problem was they hadn’t introduced it at any point until then and I never responded. Maybe something to do with autism because I knew what my name was and it was a change.

im not saying don’t change the name but be responsive if your child doesn’t respond after a while to the new name - they aren’t doing anything wrong.

Yes, for the rest of her life she will have to provide documentation of a name change. Depending on her chosen career, this could be something that is no big deal or something that causes constant consternation.

I really don’t believe parents should be able to change a child’s name because they aren’t the ones who have to deal with the consequences. It should be a decision made by the child once they are 18.

Huh?
That makes no sense. I don't understand your post.

We're talking about changing the name of an 18 month old. It's no big deal.

@LovelyDIL do it. I changed one of my DC names at 12 months. Best decision I ever made and I have never once regretted it.
I sent a message out to friends, and to family I also offered to explain my reasoning if they felt it necessary (to eliminate gossip and my anxiety). Only my brother asked, out of interest more than anything.

Original name is a distant memory.

The fact you say you are indecisive over a lot of things makes me think you shouldn’t do it. What if you change your mind again? I don’t think it is fair. For your dds sake you need to make peace with it. You liked it enough at one stage and your Dh likes it and legally it’s her name now.

OP, what is so wrong with your DD's name that you feel like you have let her down by giving it to her?

Unless her name is very unusual, I imagine she will deal with it, even if you think you would have rather given her a different name.

Quite pathetic parenting. You had nine months to decide, which demonstrates your lack of ability I'm making decisions. Will you want to change it again when she's 3?

I still like my DD’s name, but I have doubts sometimes, especially as two children in her class have similar names and her teacher keeps muddling them up. Think Mary, Marie and Maria!

I try to remind myself of the reasons I liked the name in the first place. It honours her heritage and works well internationally. And it isn’t just a cute name for a baby - it should be suitable at any age.

What did you originally like about the name and what makes you dislike it now?

Sounds about right ... mother forgot the name she really wanted for her child. PmSL at the intellect.

As I said earlier in the thread, I'm known by my middle name. The only paperwork I can recall being a bit of a faff was marriage forms (I had to do a formerly known as). Other than that I've always entered my middle name (the name I'm known as) in the first name section of a form, and my 'actual/official' first name in the middle name section. Never had any issue.

I've read all your responses and it sounds as if there is a lot of last baby sadness involved. Personally, I think you should let it go since you don't actually hate the original name. I only have one child and had to compromise on the name due to my step children's feelings. They were not young enough to ignore and not old enough to fully comprehend it should have been our decision. I do like the name my child ended up with but it was not our first choice. However, there are more important things in life.

Can you just start calling her the name you want? Without the legal hassle. She can change it herself when shes older legally if she wants to. One of mine was called Vinnie for 5 years in school. It was a nickname some clever socks came up with because his older brother wore a Diesel brand hat! Other parents and half the kids thought it was his real name. He's called by his actual name now as a grown-up.

This exactly

@AtmosAtmos of course you expected to be called by your name. How very strange of your parents.

This . I know someone who adopted a two year old with a pretty terrible name poor little thing, so they were advised to do exactly this if they wanted to change it. 2 years old was seen as ok by adoption team, thr elder sibling whom they also adopted was a couple of years older and they were told they couldn’t change their name although they didn’t mind it so much, luckily. For the toddler they began by double barrelling and then dropping the old name, Gradually putting the emphasis on the new name. Child is doing beautifully some years on. Let’s face it lots of people gain a nickname at different points in life, after about 4 years old my brother mostly went by his nickname. Good luck!

No do not do this. Once a child is passed a year it will be a nightmare for them in the future. If they are under one then ok but confusing.

This may be correct if you live your entire life in the UK, but I can assure you that it’s not the case in some other countries. For instance, I used to live in Hong Kong and had to produce multiple sworn statements because my university made a typo in my middle name (eg Isabel vs Isabelle). They are extremely picky about any discrepancies in names, spellings etc.

I don’t have strong opinions either way about the OP’s dilemma, but I don’t think it’s correct to assure her that her child will not be impacted at all throughout her life.

I gave my son the 'wrong name'. I was totally set on a name for a boy, had lots of drugs (legal hospital ones for the birth) and decided too quickly. I still wish he was called my choice, but he is his name now (at 19)

If you like the name so much change YOUR name to it.

Bet you don't though! 😆

You don't have to do anything official and just call her the name you love.
She'll grow up knowing her name is Mary but for some reason you call her Rose. I know several people who go by something totally different to what their official documents say.
Leave the official documents what they are and call her her whatever you want

Who’s so say you won’t hate this name in 18 months? Hopefully you’re able to make peace with your child’s original name