To change my child's name at 18 months

[LovelyDIL]

I know the answer is yes but I honestly hate it. I've always been unsure about it and the feeling won't go away. There's another name I prefer.
What would you do?

I don't think it's fair to change a child's name at 18 months (except eg for safety issues). Your child will already recognise their name and associated it with themselves.

Just do it, you could call her her current and new name so add the new one on to her current name , the slowly phase out the old name. Make it like a game. I don’t think she’ll grow up to be a psychopath if you do it. I think all the posters that say it’s not good for her are being too rigid and making too much fuss, at 18 months she very adaptable, only adults are rigid and filled with fear, children just want to have fun.

My 25yo DD is on 5 names so far

I wouldn't. I can't imagine what that would do to a toddler who has known a particular name their whole life and now suddenly is addressed by something else. Just doesn't sit right with me. It would be like telling them a sofa is a sofa their entire life and then suddenly expecting them to call it an orange.

Really??
Toddlers don't remember stuff. Most people can't remember anything from before the age of 2 or even 3. It wouldn't take them long at all to learn a new name and they wouldn't even remember the old name.

10 years ago we moved in with my in-laws when DS1 was 3. We lived there for 4 months, DS1 had his 4th birthday there. He remembers NOTHING of this time!

The way I said above, to double barrel to start with is the way recommended in adoption if changing the name.
Name changing in adoption is generally not recommended as the child is losing so much already, but can be required in certain circumstances.
A birth child name changing is less of an issue imo if done young and sensibly as the child has the stable home around them.

But I would find it really odd if my mum told me now that I had a different name for the first 18 months of my life. It’s always encouraged on mumsnet but in real life people would think it’s ridiculous

This sounds like a lot of opinion, without any knowledge or understanding of the developing brain and sense of self.

I'm firmly with those who think that ship has already sailed. Completely nuts that it's got to 18 months for you to realise this.

Just start using a nickname but leave her official name the same.
When she starts school they always ask for a "known as" name. Most of the time this will be James known as Jamie or Samantha known as Sammy type names but sometimes there will be a random family nickname that stuck and that's what gets used.
The official name will be on the school records etc but everyone will use the nickname.
The singer Miley Cyrus had the birth name of Destiny but the family started calling her Smiley which evolved into Miley.
She has legally changed it now but that's because she became famous as Miley.
If she was not famous she possibly wouldn't have bothered.

Why would you find it odd. Your mum decided another name suited yo7 better or was nicer. It’s an interesting conversation starter so id embrace it, instead of worrying about it, you’d not be boring that’s for sure.
who are these people in “real life” who would find it ridiculous and who the fuck cares what they think anyway, if we can find them that is. I have a friend who’s mum changed her name later on because when she’d given birth and the husband went to post the birth certificate she forgot the name she really wanted, so later they changed it. My friend is completely normal.

@TwinklyAmberOrca just because someone can't recall an active memory of something doesn't mean it hasn't impacted development and sense of self. We already know this with regards to children who have experienced extreme abuse or neglect in their infancy. Your comment shows a complete lack of understanding about child development.

To be honest I know I shouldn't do it. Her name isn't really that bad , other people like it, and it's popular but not overly common. There's just regret for me that comes up, but that's all on me not her. I think some of you have helped me with perspective to be honest.
It does suit her.
It's just every time I hear the other name I feel regret that we didn't go for it.

But surely she is her name to you by now? My 2 year old is often called a version of his name that objectively I don’t particularly like and would never have chosen as his name as a standalone option. But he is XXX so the name is too intrinsic to him to dislike it.

Things can be damaging even if you can't remember them though - for example, early indifference / lack of warmth from a care giver can affect how children form relationships their whole lives, even though as a baby you won't remember.

I don't think changing the name of a baby/toddler within a loving secure safe family environment can in any way fairly be equated/compared to neglect/abuse of a child.
People give their children nicknames all the time, that is 'changing the name' as far as a non reading child is concerned.
Neglect/abuse/removal from main carers can have long lasting impact.

Agree completely - was posting at the same time (rather than trying to steal your v valid point).

Do it now/ soon while you have this last Opportunity.

If you are STILL thinking about this now, 18 months down the line you NEED to change it.
First double barrel it when you call her it so you all and she get used to it, then you'll have it as the name you want in a matter of weeks. (I would put on the bc the name you want and call her the 2 names as you swap over).

I am fully aware of child psychology and this really won't cause damage to her.

So many people have nicknames develop as toddlers that stick through life. They stick because they are used and the toddler learns that. A new name is the same.

Don't overthink it and just do it.

Just put the new name as a middle name, but call her by the new middle name. That saves her the hassle on forms and it's not unusual for people to go by their middle name. If she wants she can switch back to her original first name later.

Some adopters do this. My friend did with a child of a similar age. So her child went from being e.g. Rainbow Smith to Rainbow George Smith. They called him Rainbow George for a while and then gradually it just became George. But he still has his original name if he wants it.

My daughter clearly recognised her name at 9/10 months. I wouldn’t have felt able to change it after that. It wouldn’t have been mine to change.
My son didn’t seem to recognise his until later, probably because he had so many nicknames. I thought it didn’t suit him until he started saying it, then it clicked.

DD was 20 months old when she decided that she wanted a particular and unique spelling of her shorten name and has kept that version of her name 14 years later so yes at 18 months she knows her name - looking it up earliest is 4-6 months but most know their name by 9 months

my rabbits know their name - they certainly know which one of them is being told off when I shout it!

Are adopters meant to do that? Friends of mine who have adopted have been told very strongly that they really shouldn’t change the child’s name.

Child psychology credentials?

Thanks everyone - I think like some say...adding it in as a middle name now phasing it on as a double barrel perhaps isn't going to do any harm.

Can you tell I'm an overthinker! I'm a nightmare ordering food / deciding what to watch on the telly so you can imagine the drama choosing a baby name!

I wasn't equating the two, rather saying that things that happen when you are still too young to remember, can still affect you.

Your name is linked to your sense of self, by 18 months you are beginning to link it to you and who you are. There's good reasons why they don't recommend changing names after one year. Of course it's less damaging than for children removed from their birth families, or who experience abuse or neglect, but that's not to say it doesn't have an affect. Maybe the child will be ok, but to me why would you risk it when you don't need to.

I don’t think it would cause her any issues if you were to change it at 18 months, however i’d probably go with the middle name route. I have some name regret with youngest DD who is still under 6 months but will keep as is, probably mostly because i’d worry what others would think which is silly. It’s horrible when you feel like the name just isn’t quite right. At least if you did change it, it would give your child something to say in the future at those work icebreaker things when you’re asked to say something interesting about yourself!