To change my child's name at 18 months

[LovelyDIL]

I know the answer is yes but I honestly hate it. I've always been unsure about it and the feeling won't go away. There's another name I prefer.
What would you do?

What hassle? There’s literally none. You show your deed poll certificate when you get your first passport etc and from then on it’s fine because your passport is your ID. As an adult she will never be asked about it apart from maybe if she gets a CRB check done. As a child you just show the deed poll when you show the birth certificate.

Do it but don't delay!

I kind of wish I'd named my dd something else. The name i like has so much meaning but I chose a traditional name as I thought it'd help her career chances

I still like it but the other name I feel connects with my soul, can't explain it

She's 5 now so it's too late for me, but if you feel it, do it girl! x

If your DD is happy and healthy, and already has a nice name that you and your husband love, just move on from this, because it feels so unnecessary. Indulge your indecision when ordering takeaways or choosing wall colours. Your DD already has her name, let her keep it.

I’ve actually got loads of knowledge and understanding about those things.

There whole life, what planet are you on, hopefully a whole life will be a lot longer than 18 months,

Do this.

I wanted to change my DC2's name. I bottled out and changed their middle name to the name I wanted but never went any further than that. DC2 is nearing the end of primary school now and I STILL regret not changing the first name. Do it.

Why not change your own name to it if you're that keen on it? Seems a bit unreasonable to expect somebody else to!

What would you write on the affidavit of best interest? Her mum prefers another name now?

If it’s changed with care it won’t affect her detrimentally. Abuse and neglect are serious crimes that cause devastating effects to compare them to this is absolutely ridiculous and demeaning to children who have suffered those things, and to shame the OP with those assertions is beyond logic.

I changed my name at the age of 11, it really isn't a hassle.

I think it’s too late. Changing your DD’s name would probably be very confusing for her, and you might find that she doesn’t willingly accept the change and tries to correct people who call her by the new name.

Children don’t have many memories before the age of two or three, but that doesn’t mean that upheaval and insecurity in early life can’t have a long-term impact on them.

If she has to go around showing deeds polls and have to answer "yes" to the question "have you ever been known by another name" and then have bloody follow up questions to answer, I definitely wouldn't. Life is complicated as it is, I wouldn't give my child more shit to deal with on top of all the other shit they'll have to deal with like the rest. It also feels like "mummy's first f*k up in what could be a series of f**k ups yet to come. You've made your decision 18 months ago, I'd try and make peace with it.

Personally, I would say go for it if you feel strongly. It will lead to a few weeks where you need to use both her current name and her new name, and then you will be done.

We had to go through this process when we adopted children that were older than your DC, and they adapted with no issue at all.

I would avoid half measures like middle names. Just do it.

The op may be done but this does complicate it for the poor child who will be stuck with 2 names

There are no follow up questions and there are very few forms that ask if you have been known by a different name. It’s honestly not the nightmare people imagine. As an adult I doubt she’d ever think about it nor need to mention it.

In my experience this can be addressed. The child's name can be changed legally.

This is not a poor child. It is a loved child.

Also I bet at least half of the people saying it’s a nightmare etc changed their surname on marriage. It’s literally no big deal once you have done it.

This. It really is not as rare as I think many imagine.

Also usually when they ask about the being know by a different name, they mean as an adult, as you wouldn’t have anything like a criminal record or bad credit at aged 18 months so it’s irrelevant.

@Flopsy145 go for it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with giving dd name later especially so young, that is more fitting. She's always got a choice when she's older x

fixating on something like this can be a sign of post-natal depression. is this a possibility?

If she's your last then get a cat and use your preferred name on that!

On reading your updates I agree with this OP.

Your daughter has a name her dad loves. Imagine trying to explain to her when she is 18 how you stopped using name x because you hated it so much but her dad likes it and you've still kept it as part of her official name. She would be hard pushed not to take it a bit personally. Much better just to keep your dislike of it private and maybe develop a pet name or two to use privately just between yourselves.

I know a couple of people who were known by their middle names growing up and chose to "reclaim" their first names about the age of 18. It would be a complication they don't need if they knew their mum hated their given first name, that they were trying to reclaim.

I'm known by my middle name. I was a year or so when my parents/family started calling me by my middle name, I won't go into (private) detail but it was for a nice reason. The only time I'm called by my 'proper' first name is at GP/medical appointments. I quite like my 'dual' identity 🙂

I wouldn't do it, it's too late in my opinion. She definitely knows her name and it would be so confusing. I couldn't imagine starting to call my child a different name at that age, when they already have an identity and have started talking. I only know one person who did this and their baby was much younger, not much more than a newborn.

If I had my children again I don't know if I'd pick the same names again, but they are who they are.

I’m not doubting you, but I wonder if your children had to change their names for safety reasons. I thought that Social Services in the UK usually advise against changing an adopted child’s first name, especially once they’re old enough to know their name.