To change my child's name at 18 months

[LovelyDIL]

I know the answer is yes but I honestly hate it. I've always been unsure about it and the feeling won't go away. There's another name I prefer.
What would you do?

I would say it’s her identity now.. how confusing would it be for her if you just changed her name as soon as she’d learned it herself?!

what is the likelihood you might have more children? You can always use the name you like next time

I wouldn’t do this. I think paperwork for her will be confusing when she’s older because she would have to declare other names she’s been known by. She might grow up to hate her new name and wish you’d left it as it was.

what is the name? Maybe we can reassure you about it?

Is your husband still on the scene, and if so what does he think about it? I think it's only even an option if you are both very much on board.

A friend of mine who adopted was told it's ok to change their child's name at about this age, and they were advised on how to do so.

Once a person is ne i think thry have to right to it so would leave it up to them

Agree, add the name you want as a middle name and just see what fits verbally. My daughter has a lovely name, yet i mostly call her Chicken 😂
Also, are you planning on having any more kids? If so and you have another DD could you not use the name then?

No, I don't think so. But once the adoption order has gone through I believe there's nothing that can be done about it if they then change the child's name. In their case they did it because the first name was very distinctive and unusual, and the birth parents absolutely vile human beings, and they wanted to reduce the chances of the child being tracked down on social media or whatever in later life. Social workers wouldn't agree to it as against policy, so they nodded and smiled and then as soon as they could changed the name to protect their child.

Sometimes adopters are recommended to change names eg if siblings have unusual pairings which make them too identifiable especially as a pair.

Yes I know that, but the PP is talking about adopters sneaking a transition to a new name for children who were intended to keep their name. I’m wondering if that’s considered ok practice or if these parents are ignoring the advice.

Have another child and use the name for them?

She is my last one - not having more. Maybe part of the regret could be routed in this, I don't know.

For those that asked yes DH and I are still together. I don't even know if I could convince him to do it. He loves this name and he also loved the first name we thought of. He also doesn't like a faff and I can't imagine him going for it easily. But I think if he thought I felt very strongly about it he'd go with it but I'd have to be 100% on it to convince him and I don't think I'll ever get there.

Middle name seems least drama and she can choose if she wishes one day.

I don’t think it’s a good idea. I have an 18 month old and she knows her name

Yabu I'm sure her name is fine this is a you problem. If you like the name so much change yours to it.

Less painful to get a cat or puppy, though. Seems to be what a lot of people do once they've run out of children to use the names up on.

I changed my son's name for the same reason. We just totally loused up changing it and I still couldn't stick the name when he was four, so we just changed it. It was the right decision and I've never regretted it. The deed poll thing is easy and free of charge. You just download the form from the internet and print it and get a neighbour to sign it as a witness. You have to keep it as you will then have to show it in any situation where you have to show a birth certificate.

No, it probably won't cause her any stress but it's just plain weird. She's a child, not a doll, she has been given a name and that's her name. You don't change a name after all that time because you decide you don't like it anymore - the name now belongs to the child.

The longer I'm on MN the stranger I think some people are!!!

Oh weird. Ok, let’s all be really boring then, life will be so interesting and fun. Yawn.

I

Don’t be daft, you can’t change her name at 18 months! Poor little thing would be totally confused! I honestly think you need to try harder to make
your peace with the (lovely, I’m sure!) name you chose for her when she was born.

a friends Dd was given a very unique name from her birth parents and because it would have been incredibly easy to find her they changed her first name but kept the more unique name as a middle name. She was advised to do that for safety.
Ironically it’s a made up name the type that MN hate but it really suited her. Her new name is beautiful and very special to her parents with a wonderful meaning, but her birth parents unusual choice really is quite lovely also.

Who is they?

😂pass the continuation sheet 😂

I’m also in the camp of it feels like a difficult age to change. The child will recognise their own name but won’t have the cognitive function to understand why the parent has decided they want a new one.

As a teenager I used to help out with a dance class and I remember one of the kids suddenly changing their name from Laura to Rachel (not real names). She’d been using her middle name for years and then was about to go to secondary so they had decided to use her first name instead. It was really odd and took a lot of adjustment and it really threw me as I’d known her since she was about 5. I’m not entirely sure whose decision it was but it felt odd.

Change it if you want to. Also once you have all the official documents it won’t be a hassle for her - loads of kids have their surnames changed, some several times so it’s not a problem. She will get used to it very quickly and so will everyone else.

OP, of course it’s totally fine to use the name you prefer, that you feel suits your child better. I have a perspective that I hope will reassure you.

I used to work as a PA for a while. Most of the big bosses had completely different names on their passport to their known name. Jack was actually Anthony, Jo was actually Claire - on top of this, many women had taken their husbands name when they got married but stuck to their well-established maiden name at work. No biggie. These were all extremely successful people, who travelled regularly for work.

I learned never to assume a person’s name is what’s on their ID paperwork.

Would you need to legally change your child’s name? xxx

It would be incredibly selfish. All the hassle you’d be giving her in later years.