Criticism about being healthy and diaciplined

[Boatswatchingboats]

Hi everyone, does anyone else feel really, really triggered when critisised for living a disciplined and healthy lifestyle? I hate the snarky comments people make like, “well, we’re going to die one day anyway so what’s the point of working out?” Or “That’s so boring eating healthy, you need to eat more than that…”

I’m a healthy woman, don’t have a disordered eating pattern, I just value myself enough to be healthy.

it drives me crazy and feels really demoralizing. Has anyone else dealt with this in their lives and if so, please could you offer some advice?

If you were so distressed by someone saying something critical that you put on a stone in weight it suggests that there might be some issues there.

I've got gut issues, various sorts, I can't eat much in one go and have to eat slowly. They laughed at me at work (stroke ward) in a good natured way not nasty, called me Mrs good life. As I excercise,eat mostly veggie and mostly healthy, grow a lot of my own fruit and veg. I said at least if I had a stroke or cardiac event,no one could blame me. I used to get "is that all you're eating". It's all I can eat! I enjoy my food and cooking. They've all got used to me now. On here, I have been accused of lying, having an eating disorder, boasting. As for the drinking alcohol,there was a post on here recently about the documentary on binge drinking, people replied, the amount the drank didn't affect them, they would carry on as usual,no one was going to stop them and yes, the old chestnut you've got to die sometime. As long as they don't expect the NHS to pick up the pieces!

Thanks everyone, your responses have been massively helpful. I think my triggers are coming from a place of insecurity about my own choices.

I feel like leading a healthy lifestyle is important for ME, and is a part of my own character, so when I said I feel triggered, it’s probably because feel like I am being attacked as a person when people pass judgements. I don’t pass judgements on other people’s life choices so always wonder why what I’m doing to keep myself healthy is up for criticism. I don’t think we all have the same priorities in life and that is totally fine, we’re not all the same.

I don’t believe that I gloat or discuss or draw attention to my choices, and have been conscious not to even do it in passing as it’s awful if you’re unaware of a problem another person might be facing with food, psychologically or even movement.

It just bothers me that something I feel is so intrinsic to my character/life is being so heavily judged by others. It really upsets me.

TBH your use of the words "hearty SALAD" makes me roll my eyes.........

It just bothers me that something I feel is so intrinsic to my character/life is being so heavily judged by others. It really upsets me.

The fact that it's "so intrinsic" to your character/life does suggest to me, as I thought, that there is something going on here.

I don't drink or smoke. This is a lifestyle choice but by no means "intrinsic" to who I am. I never give it a thought from day to day.

Maybe these boyfriends and friends aren't right for you. Find other ones?

The fact that it's "so intrinsic" to your character/life does suggest to me, as I thought, that there is something going on here.

Yes.

You have to keep reminding yourself that it's not actually about you, it's about how they feel about themselves.

It just bothers me that something I feel is so intrinsic to my character/life is being so heavily judged by others. It really upsets me

Curious why this bothers you so much? people get criticism all the time for their intrinsic life choices - eg. religious affiliation, how they bring their kids up- eg if they are a SAHM or a working mum etc etc There are a million things I am sure I would be judged on if I let others spew forth their pointless, unedited opinions on how I live but I literally dont care.

I live my life how it suits me, it's not affecting anyone else and I never comment on anyone else's life choices so who gives a shit what they think?

In my experience, and I have always found this gloriously ironic, -the people who are the most vocally judgy are often the most dissatisfied and miserable so I wouldnt take their "advice" anyway because it's clearly not even working for their own lives!

I would highly recommend giving less fucks about the opinions of others.

Ignore them. They’re probably fat and undisciplined. But I do understand why you get upset if staying healthy is important to you.

I have acquaintances who say they’d love to be as fit as me, but they don’t put in the grind.

Is your friend's name Victoria ?😄

Sure:) Lunch: greek salad with garlic bread, cherry pudding (ok, 2 puddings). Dinner : either dahl lentils version spicy with bread or pasta and peas with various sauce and feta cheese. Desert: chocolate, dark with almonds, just love it and can not be without it😁

So the concept of ‘being a healthy eater’ is intrinsic to your identity?

Yes there’s something going on here, for this small aspect of who you are to take on such importance. What are your beliefs and values about ‘healthiness’? If ‘healthy eater’ is who you want to be, what is at the opposite end of that spectrum, that you are scared of being / trying to avoid? What negative connotations, judgements, fears are attached to making an ‘unhealthy’ choice?
See if you can think who/where your belief system regarding food is coming from? What were the messages you received when you were younger?

Too skinny is not a good look. Eat more

My God I can see why the OP has developed such an anxiety about what she is eating.
So many posters just assuming she must be BANGING ON about being a healthy eater 24-7, or having a judgy expression (can you see the OP through your phone screens?)
And if it's not that, then she is obviously 4 stone nothing and on the verge of collapse.
If this is what she is facing from boyfriend and family every day, every time she turns down a doughnut, her self image must be in shreds.
OP it's not you, it's them. Dump the boyfriend, get yourself some friends, and crack on. (You may find the friends are easier to find once you lose the bf)

OP, everyone is criticised for whatever, especially women. You work too much, you don’t work enough, you’re too fat, too thin, eat too many biscuits, should eat more biscuits, spend more time with your kids, less time with your kids, don’t eat UPFs, lighten up and eat UPFs, be polite at work, assert yourself at work, save money, have nice things, have shiny hair, have good skin, get married but don’t change your name, don’t have a c-section, don’t feed your kids sugar, but live a little and let them have ice cream, and stay out of the sun but you look too pale …

Should everyone shut up? Yes. Are they going to. Not in your lifetime. Grow a thicker skin and let it wash over you, because if it isn’t this it’ll be something else and if it isn’t something else, it’ll be the thing after that.

You do you and ignore comments.

however this comment you made , could be triggering to some people as though you think you are better than others.

“I just value myself enough to be healthy.”

im a great believer in everything in moderation. I work in education and have a child in my class who’s parents seem obsessive about healthy eating, child is only allowed to eat food he brings in as mum & dad regards certain food as unhealthy or party food eg pizza, fish and chips. It’s a shame as he stares at some of the food others are eating while he eats his food brought from home.

⬆️100% this!

My own mother used to say 'I don't know why you bother running/exercising/doing aerobics - it's not going to make you any younger!' That used to sting. But then I pointed out to her that she couldn't bend down to tie her own shoelaces once she was over 45 and I would like to be able to continue to be flexible.

It still didn't stop her, but maybe it made her think.

I agree. It sounds borderline obsessive.

It could be the people around you. For some reason they might have less than helpful attitudes

Bring healthy and disciplined doesn't stop people getting very poorly. Look at Princess Catherine.

I can imagine being irritated by this, but 'triggered' to me would suggest your realtionship with food isn't as healthy as you insist (and I prefer to run on slender-side myself, I'm not having a dig!).

No, but it reduces the RISKS of getting very poorly, and increases your chances of successful treatment and recovery.

It's ALL about probabilities. It's not a matter of being binary nor absolute.

A healthy lifestyle reduces your risks of an early serious disease, it doesn't eliminate the risk.

On the contrary an unhealthy lifestyle not only increases your risk of an early serious disease, it may also reduce the chances of successful treatment, and increase the risk of complications from treatment.

I said I would feel disgusting if I was lazy and ate badly. I didn't say other people were disgusting. Our self perception is always harsher than our perception of others, as has been discussed extensively in many other threads on this topic. Also, it's entirely up to you if you feel invalidated by me saying the word lazy, is there something going on there where you think you're lazy perhaps? Be kind to yourself. Also make the changes you want to see in your life! Be brave! HTH.