Criticism about being healthy and diaciplined

[Boatswatchingboats]

Hi everyone, does anyone else feel really, really triggered when critisised for living a disciplined and healthy lifestyle? I hate the snarky comments people make like, “well, we’re going to die one day anyway so what’s the point of working out?” Or “That’s so boring eating healthy, you need to eat more than that…”

I’m a healthy woman, don’t have a disordered eating pattern, I just value myself enough to be healthy.

it drives me crazy and feels really demoralizing. Has anyone else dealt with this in their lives and if so, please could you offer some advice?

Yes, I was veggie so it wasn’t a huge change barring cheese and milk. I didn’t have alternatives for anything initially so there were no obvious clues. We cook and eat separate meals so beyond a quick glance he would have no interest in what I eat. But as soon as I bought vegan cheese he decided that if I went vegan I’d never shut up about it. He only said that once and in his defence, when other people make the usual comments that you get about vegans he tells them about this.

This.

Just ignore them

saying that I judged beckham when DB said she eats fish and veg every single day and apparently took a bite of his pizza once during pregnancy and he said it was such a special moment 😂😂😂 I mean wth

They sound ignorant and probably envious.

They're just envious. You make them feel bad about themselves.

DP and I used to have a family member who absolutely hated the fact that we went out for a walk every day, and complained about it ("Oh, not another walk! Do you really have to? What on earth is the point?") Needless to say, this person never walked anywhere.

All this healthy eating and exercising is a bit irritating. No medals will be given. Virtue has its own reward. I suppose.

Yeah that is strange, I don’t have anyone really comment on these type of things, but also regularly found to be eating a load of leaves for example?!

If I get offered snacks I usually just say “no thanks”, but it’s not an issue. Occasionally I will accept.

It seems odd especially the men. Suggest putting a boundary in and not discussing it anymore.

What’s irritating about it? Genuine question

Your use of the word “triggered” is interesting. What exactly are these comments triggering? If you’re happy with your lifestyle, what is it that makes you care if someone makes a slight dig about what you eat? It doesn’t sound like other people’s comments are the main issue here.

Some people feel very threatened by women who are fit and healthy. They seem to think that it's a personal slight on them. I just wouldn't take any notice. I'd say I like the salad, I like the exercise, that it makes me feel good, and leave it at that.

If someone is so messed up that they find what you eat as a threat to them there's nothing you can do about it! Just avoid them.

Wow, a shit ton of negative judgements here. Others are lazy with rubbish lifestyles, let's not forget "disgusting" and "horrible" too. Clearly the judgement is a two way street.

How nasty!

Healthy behaviour can just come across as a bit joyless. Like the victoria beckham example above. I barely drink and I get ttriggered by comments about it from other people. Because I know I am bringing down the mood a little if I'm the only one not getting tipsy, and that makes me feel a bit boring. That doesn't mean I should drink more though. I just can't cope with it. So I'm working on making peace with it so the comments don't get to me. Critical comments can only affect us if we're Insecure, as pp have pointed out.

Yes, and mostly from a family member who is a medical doctor and should know better. 😂

I completely ignore it / change the subject. I suspect she's envious but I don't get into a discussion about it.

I don't feel demoralised or anything, but then I don't generally care what other people think about my life choices.

I want to know that too.

If you’re not banging on about it, the only people I can imagine it could be irritating to are the people you live with IF ( and this is a big if), your choices affect them in some way.

I once went on holiday with someone who had to exercise at a certain time every day, had to eat certain foods, etc. and it did get abit irritating as it rather restricted what we could do. But I only became aware of their rigid habits because I spent an entire week with them! Otherwise, I wouldn’t have known.

I haven't invited them on holiday again, we weren’t compatible tbh. 😂

What do you mean by ‘triggered’, OP?

Slightly irritated, or full on mental breakdown or panic attack?

Triggered as in I start self-abandoning and feeling really attacked. I ended up gaining 15 pounds once when someone criticised my lifestyle choices and then it took me ages to get back on track. I just don’t know why I do this though. Does this mean I’m insecure, as another poster pointed out (I’m not annoyed about that comment in the slightest, I’m just grateful that I’m getting so many perspectives).

P.s. Thanks everyone for your responses, I wasn’t expecting this much traffic!

Quoting this because it's exactly what I wanted to say. You're picking the wrong men, OP!

I agree @Garlicwest. It’s far easier and you’ll be far happier if you have a partner who respects your choices and also has a compatible lifestyle.

There are a few potential scenarios here, and they're not mutually exclusive. We're unfortunately not going to be able to tell you which are applicable.

1. You're unaware that you're mentioning food/calories/exercise/weight/nutriention enough to grate or in a way that comes off as braggy or superior, or you're prioritizing fitness and "healthy" eating to an extent that it's interfering in social occasions and relationships. I know several people who are like this - I have a family member who is completely incapable of going through any meal without mentioning calories, being "bad/good", guilty pleasures, exercising to earn or offset the food, what others are eating, telling us she's only going to have a little bit of something fattening, etc. I know she is completely unaware she's doing it, but it interferes with others' enjoyment of their food and the occasion. "Oh that looks delicious [about someone else's food or something they were considering ordering] but I'm going to be good/'just have' a salad/don't need all those carbs" is an example of a particularly irritating sort of comment. Other people are difficult to have as guests/go out with because their diet is restricted or they prioritize an inflexible workout schedule and it gets frustrating. And frankly people usually don't want to hear about anyone's workouts or diets unless it's something specific they want to join in on.

2. Their comments are actually meant good naturedly and your sensor is calibrated to extra sensitive. It sounds from your updates that there's probably a bit of this in play.

3. Your choices trigger their own insecurities and internalized shame around food and bodies and they're jabbing at you in reaction. A lot of people really struggle to remember that just because we feel an unpleasant emotion in a situation doesn't mean we need to blame someone. And of course there are always those occasional people who try to tear people down to make themselves feel better.

Do you have someone in your life who you think could give you some honest feedback on how you come across regarding food & exercise?

“Being healthy” is luck.

Congrats on being lucky.

(Yes you can make healthy choices but the result is often unknown)

Your boyfriends? And their families? That suggests to me that you're picking bad partners, ones who like to be critical of women. Maybe the issue is the people you're surrounding yourself with?

Same! Please read the above quote, OP and think on it. I’ve not had anyone criticise me for being too healthy even when I was a size 8 running 10Ks and I don’t drink or smoke.

Only had a few daft coworkers comment negatively on the fact I don’t drink. But not a close friend or partner.

This, if you not doing anything wrong why would it matter what they say?

"I’ll usually have a hearty salad packed with fats, carbs and protein and this once led someone to condescendingly keep saying."
This does sound a bit full of it and patronising, but I don't know if you talk like that IRL. If I was eating a salad I'd just say a salad, not go on about fats, carbs and proteins. If it had a fair bit of chicken (for example) I might say chicken and salad. If I had lots of different things I might say I just threw a few things on a plate.

"I ended up gaining 15 pounds once when someone criticised my lifestyle choices and then it took me ages to get back on track."

Given this I wonder if you're putting more weight on what people are saying about your eating then the comments actually deserve. Sometimes things are throw away comments, nothings to fill the space. They could also be reacting to a perceived intensity you have about food and eating. Your reaction feels very out of proportion here. If you felt confident in your choices you'd put very little p
00weight on any comments. It could be many things, insecurity or lack of self confidence or a strong need for external validation. Something like CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) could help.