Criticism about being healthy and diaciplined

[Boatswatchingboats]

Hi everyone, does anyone else feel really, really triggered when critisised for living a disciplined and healthy lifestyle? I hate the snarky comments people make like, “well, we’re going to die one day anyway so what’s the point of working out?” Or “That’s so boring eating healthy, you need to eat more than that…”

I’m a healthy woman, don’t have a disordered eating pattern, I just value myself enough to be healthy.

it drives me crazy and feels really demoralizing. Has anyone else dealt with this in their lives and if so, please could you offer some advice?

Would it be the same thing if someone pointed out that you're a bore for not drinking/smoking ? Would you start bingedrinking and take up smoking ? Don't think so. If you enjoy eating healthy then do it. Or is it that you're forcing yourself and comments makes it "allowed" for you to eat what you want? I think you're listening way too much to what other people think. I'm a vegetarian (since childhood, my choice) and I have heard that I'm a rabbit and do you need some carrots, don't you want some meat/fish etc. Don't even hear them.

Do you openly describe yourself as healthy and disciplined? That could be it.

People shouldn't make these sorts of comments, one way or another, unless asked for their advice. My step-mother is obsessed with this sort of thing, calling certain choices good and others naughty, and I don't think it helps to make this a moral issue.

If you are triggered by this then I would suspect you make a bigger thing of your lifestyle choice than you need to and responded. Your op sounds rather patronising in tone and I wonder if that comes across in real life situations.

I like healthy foods but I like sweet treats more. We are all different.

Some of the problem, I think, with the unwanted advice is that we’ve become used to the ‘average’ person as a much bigger size than is healthy.

It’s not healthy for the majority of us to be so much heavier (and I include myself) than we need to be / medically should be, but healthier bodies look skinny because the rest of us keep the extra pounds on.

I think it depends how much you define yourself to others by your lifestyle choices. It can be very tedious for others if you pick over every bit of food or mention your exercise regime regularly.

How are your choices being presented to people, how are they aware of them enough to make comments?

I wouldn’t have a clue what my son’s gf eats or how much she exercises so unless it was brought to my attention I have nothing to comment on.

Yes I have dealt with it OP - and it’s awful. Like people can’t be pleased for you!

I’d ignore honestly and keep doing exactly what you want to do !

Spot on with 1st paragraph!!

literally 1st paragraph with bells on!! 💪🙌

It depends on how much you talk about diet and fitness in my opinion.

I have a friend I’ve known for years. We used to go out for dinner, days out shopping, short breaks together, meeting up for coffee etc. Then about five years ago she got very into diet and exercise and from that point on any time we spent together had to revolve around what she permitted herself to do.

We can’t meet on certain days because she has a gym class, no meals out without intense scrutiny of the menu in advance to make sure there is something she will eat. All conversations are around her training plans, physio appointments and diet.

I love her dearly but no longer enjoy spending time with her. I don’t eat particularly unhealthily but if I go out I like a glass of wine and the occasional pudding. It’s no fun going out with someone who gives you a constant run down on how many calories you’re consuming and whose only conversation is their personal best for various events.

If you keep your diet and lifestyle to yourself and only mention it occasionally or in passing then I really can’t see how anyone could have issue with it.

You're make them feel bad (because you are demonstrating that all their bullshit excuses for not eating well and failing to exercise are ... well, bullshit!), so they're attacking you to make themselves feel better.

OP you need a health mucker/mate you can share your journey with! Detoxing your body leads to detoxing your life, to allow your tribe in. Sounds like you've made a great start.

My ex's family gave me a lot of similar grief and luckily I had my friend/will power to get past the constant negative comments. They were all unhealthy and now either dead or with serious health problems.

There is a point where it’s disordered eating.

I barely eat UPF’s but know 1 biscuit (that’s not homemade) won’t kill me. I may mainly swerve these things and don’t really enjoy processed food, but in the modern world you can’t always avoid it.

HNRTFT but I'm wondering whether there might be a part of you that would sometimes like to cut yourself a bit of slack with your eating/exercise? When we are triggered by other people it is often because their comments tap into the part of us that thinks they might be right, or that would like to not always be making super healthy choices. So maybe you could consider whether part of you feels deprived? If so, how can you 'treat' yourself without sabotaging your overall healthy lifestyle.

Food is an emotive subject but we also have thousands of years of cultural history of food being one of the main 'glues' that holds people together. Sourcing food together, prepping food together, eating food together.

Sometimes I think this is playing a role. Whilst we often don't share food together at work, I think people still have a residual like of eating similar types of food because it still provides a tiny bit community. I don't think they consciously know that, but I think it's there.

So when someone eats something very different to them, it causes an unease.

That's. It a reason to change but perhaps another lens to view their behaviour by.

(I'll also add that the judgement - even in this thread - is going both ways. People defending their good choices by insulted someone else's).

• That's. It a reason to change but perhaps another lens to view their behaviour by.

(I'll also add that the judgement - even in this thread - is going both ways. People defending their good choices by insulted someone else's).*

Should be

That's not a reason to change but perhaps another lens to view their behaviour by.

(I'll also add that the judgement - even in this thread - is going both ways. People defending their food choices by insulted someone else's).

Nail on the head there.

A few decades ago. it was the overweight people who stood out because there were relatively few of them and most people looked thin,

Now we have the opposite where looking thin are the ones who stand out whilst the majority are overweight and a proportion are clearly obese, so being overweight has become normalised.

When I look back at our High School class photos of the 80s, literally everyone is thin, except for one lad who was the class "fattie". When I look at my own son's school class photos of the last decade, over half are clearly overweight and less than an handful would be considered "thin".

@Iheartmysmart

I don’t eat particularly unhealthily but if I go out I like a glass of wine and the occasional pudding.

If you always fancied a fag after a meal, would you "bully" her into having a fag with you too, and would you be put out if you had one and she didn't?? That's EXACTLY the same as you wanting a pudding when your friend doesn't.

If you want a pudding, have one. She's free not to have one with you or have something else.

What happened to "live and let live" where we're supposed to let others do what they want to do and not force our preferences onto them.

At the end of the day, if you and your friend have very different values and opinions and lifestyles, then perhaps it's time to cut your friendship and find someone more attuned to your own.

'Taking care of your body' can have a dark underbelly nowadays. For some, it has become a way of exercising control, where elsewhere they feel out of control, creating obsessive behaviour.

It is also a hugely individual, self-oriented activity. Instead of connecting with others, it is insular. Which is fine if this is just one of your hobbies, but not if this is the main content of your personal life.

There are also suggestions that some people living that way judge others for not having similarly sculpted, health-optimised bodies, with scary political effect. It has been referred to as the 'wellness-to-fascism pipeline'. Give it a google. Not necessarily that innocent as 'I just want to be healthy and look my best'.

@Yikesthathurt I agree and I do worry about her. She has a very short list of permitted foods and eats the same thing every day. Very much into disordered eating territory but she won’t listen and I don’t want to push her away by bringing the subject up.

I have always been someone who drinks very little and the snarky comments I have had over the years about this used to make me feel pressured to drink more than I wanted to, just to fit in - but once I once I realised it came from their discomfort with their own choices I found it easier to let the remarks roll off me

@taxguru I never bully her into doing anything thanks! I’m happy to go with her restaurant choices and never comment on what she eats or drinks. That’s her choice. I do expect the same courtesy back though which I don’t get. She is the one forcing her choices on me. And I’m not cutting her out of my life either, she has a history of obsessive behaviour and I’m concerned about her.

It’s them not you OP. People let themselves go during lockdown and bad habits were formed. Now they’re having to deal with the consequences. Look around you, everyone is bigger, clothing ads now feature “real” women to make everyone feel better about themselves. People can’t help vocalising their own insecurities, which is unfair on you but that’s how it is.

If you’re lucky and/or disciplined enough to stay in shape, be happy with that. Just be mindful that you aren’t coming across as judgmental of others’ lifestyle choices, or obsessively focused on your weight/ nutrition intake.

I myself like to live healthily. I must admit though I get a bit irritated when people obsessive about it and can never indulge even a tiny bit. I have a friend who seems to only think about diet and exercise. She will never eat even one chocolate, a piece of cake or a dessert on special occasions. I sometimes inwardly roll my eyes and think "Oh for goodness sake, live a little!". However, it's her choice and I'd never say anything. People shouldn't comment on what other people eat or how they live their lives.