PTA mum with bad attitude or AITA?

[Mama7]

School festive celebrations today after school being run by the PTA. They were selling hot drinks, sweets and crispy crème donuts with some songs performed by the school choir. Email clearly states that the celebrations start at 3:30 however all donuts (which were billed as the main event) were already sold by the time we got there at 3:25, 5 minutes BEFORE the celebrations were even due to start.
I asked if there were any donuts left and was abruptly told no, my autistic 6 year old started to cry as I’d promised her one (absolutely my mistake there!) I (politely) replied “oh what a shame, the email said it didn’t start until half past, there’s going to be some disappointed children” The PTA woman then went into a rant saying “if you don’t like it maybe you should volunteer for the PTA, source the donuts, collect the donuts, organise the event and it started at 20 past so you should have got here sooner!” I replied that I wasn’t criticising the PTA, just merely pointing out that the children who didn’t manage to get one would be disappointed and the email clearly says it starts at half past. She said NO, maybe it’s the choir that start at half past. I said “I'm not lying, I’d be happy to show you the email?” She then turned to another PTA woman where they were both clearly talking about me.
My bug bear (as well as being spoken to like an idiot) is that people were walking away with huge boxes fitting 12 donuts and other people just had disappointed kids to deal with. Surely there should be a limit to make it fair.?
Im considering writing to the head and asking them to consider having a limit per person next year to avoid this or AITA who should have managed my child and mines expectations better.?

And like OP said, her mistake promising a donut before she arrived.

No, what it should tell you is that it's not something I could get worked up over. Had I have arrived to no donuts I'd have told my child ill get them xxx as soon as we leave, xxx being something I know they love to smooth it out.

Here you are:

https://www.krispykreme.co.uk/fundraising-doughnuts-how-it-works?srsltid=AfmBOoqLPYaB_w5i-pP6pfmpmX0uJLVl6cmjzKrdcfKZWLgr95Cm59zQ

"First, decide how many doughnuts you need and the date you require them (minimum order is 5 dozen, maximum is 50 dozen per event, per day). We'll need 3 days notice of your fundraising requirements.
Next, place your enquiry with us online. Once your order has been successfully processed, collect your doughnuts on the day of your event from your chosen Krispy Kreme UK retail shop.
Our doughnuts are always made fresh daily and must be sold on the day of collection."

I've been on the donut stall for school fundraiser. There is a limit for how many donuts can be bought for the reduced charity price. And kids go bonkers for them - unless the school is tiny they will sell out. At the event I helped with, they offered pre-orders on whole boxes to avoid the scrum, guarantee some sales and give the organisers ability to collect up front payments to fund the purchase. There were kids in tears who missed out, sadly. None of the organisers were rude or snipy to disappointed parents though. Helpers shared out their pre-ordered donuts and arranged with the school to do another sale in a few weeks.

Don't complain to the school - they don't run the sale, it is parent volunteers.

You offering to show the email to the organiser was unnecessary. It wasn't going to magic up a donut for you. You probably weren't the 1st parent who had voiced their disappointment that day. And she probably had spent the afternoon running around sorting everything out to benefit the kids who attend the school, including yours.

I'm sure you bought your kid a different (probably nicer and cheaper) treat so no harm done.

As a previous PTA volunteer, I can tell you that the lady was probably at the end of her tether but probably could have handled it better. It's a struggle to recruit good, competent and well organised PTA members. Sometimes the people volunteering aren't the best at ideas and organising events however well intentioned.

I disagree. It's fine for a parent who thinks the event wasn't properly organised to volunteer next time and pitch in to make it better. Not to question (however politely) the frazzled people who had stepped up.

But why do you get to be rude and not her? It's a sodding donut and a pta Christmas fair. They do it to raise money for the children.

We had complaints from a local dentist parent that the sugar on our stalks was bad for their teeth. Took all I had not to say FUCK OFF!!!

Op you were massively passive aggressive you need to own that.

We had one of those - wanted to see the risk assessment for pony rides in the playground in case a pony pooed on the blaes surface, the pony owner people didn't clear it up properly and their child happened to sit in that spot the following week.

Another complained that we were using (donated) McDonald's cups to serve squash as it was promoting unhealthy eating.

I could go on.

Oh and anyone reading thinking of volunteering - run a mile. Let the parents buy their own children their gluten free sodding donuts in the shops to their hearts content. God I’m so glad my kids are out of this stage!

We also had complaints regarding nestle apparently there were nestle products at the Christmas fair and this companies activities in Africa regarding breastfeeding were all the fault of our pta. You couldn’t make it up,

We did a school disco once and the ticket included a hot dog (meat or veggie). Actually had a parent saying their DC didn't like hotdogs and could we make them a salad roll instead.

NO.

The complaints are always from the parents that do absolutely fuck all volunteering too.

I was PTA chair and there was a handful of us, all with busy jobs, who were always the usual suspects in volunteering for all the events. Many parents couldn't be bothered but the school needed fundraising so someone had to do it. There was nothing p**d me off more than when people who were always the ones who contributed nothing were the most forthcoming in giving us their ideas on how things could be done better. Roll your sleeves up and get involved if you think improvements can be made.

@DetestTheClockChange actually if the hot dogs were made with salad in them (ie the onions etc) the request for a kid to have one that's just that stuff in the bun and no hot dog isn't exactly bizarre.

Nope, no salad. And the ask was at drop off so someone had to leg it to the shop (and eat into fundraising funds).

I used to run the second hand
uniform stall. Set up table lugged it all from grim cupboard set it all up ran it cleared it all up. Some mums complained I said you are very welcome to take it on?’ Tumbleweed. Never did it again. FUCK OFF.

Sorry this thread is triggering me and wine has been taken!

I volunteered once to sell ice creams for the pta. We ran out in 10 minutes...I had crying children. Never ever will I volunteer again. Yabu and rude. Volunteer yourself. It's hell.

Me too...my respect for pta since been sky high..

@DetestTheClockChange well then I would have said "Sorry but we haven't got any salad" and not gone and got any and suggested to the parent that next time any special dietary requirements need to be arranged well in advance - not on the day.
If told in advance I would have been happy to sort something for the child (ex PTA member here).

which would work fine with a NT child. And not with a ND child who struggles to understand no matter HOW many times you explain that the stall started before 3:30 even though it said 3:30 and you don’t know why they didn’t adhere to that. you have to restate again and again. It’s exhausting being the parent of a ND child, and the lack of understanding in your comment sums up why. Try to have some sort of understanding of the struggles faced by other parents, who’s kids aren’t perhaps as ‘perfect’ as yours.

See also the judgy threads about kids not being able to sit nicely at a table and use table manners and a knife and fork and not need an iPad etc etc. with more ND awareness around you’d think fellow parents would be more understanding. But no. This mum is called unreasonable for huffing about a donut. It’s not about the donut.

I think I have.? However unintentional on my part I realise now how it could have come across.

I have been involved in similar PTA events. It’s a bit manic and you end up rather sugary. So it’s surely understandable that volunteers get a bit frazzled?

Regarding the timing, a PTA stall doesn’t exactly have doors to hold back the crowds. If it’s approximately the right time and there are donuts open on the table, people will want to start buying.

Totally. We used to have one who was in the gym every morning and coffee/tennis with friends most afternoons and did fuck all to help. On my Friday morning off I would see her at the gym and she would almost always come up and give me all her great ideas about what could be done better One day, I'd had enough and said okay I've made a mental note of your last five points, could you action those please. Didn't see her for dust.

I did ban nestle products.