House mice and DH

[HugeDeal]

Subject should read “House move and DH !”

We moved to a new house a few weeks ago. Have 3 DCs, all school age, and work full time including shifts and nights. Life is and has been crazy at the best of times. On top of that I am terrible at throwing things away that could still be useful to someone else perhaps. I have not been decluttering the previous home as childcare and life was always getting the better of me and I couldn’t find the energy to do it. Husband believes we could have done this move easier if we had thrown 90% of our things away. The problem is I like to know what gets thrown away, not do it blindly, so I have to go through years of accumulated clutter in a very short period of time. This creates friction and daily arguments with DH who Everything is still in boxes. I feel swamped by all the things that need sorting out in new house and trying each day to find by feet. I should really be taking at least 3 months off work but work won’t allow me. I am having thoughts that if DH bugs me to throw things away one more time, I might just explode and ask for divorce!

Any advice on tidying or tolerating a grumpy DH would be much appreciated.

Have you taken the house mice with you ?

Can you do a box a day/week?

You sound like a hoarder. I think your DH should do the decluttering whilst you're not around so he can bin the rubbish without you knowing. You seriously asked for 3 MONTHS off work to declutter? I think you genuinely need a bit of counselling or something. Hoarding is hard to deal with but perhaps you could try and nip this in the bud.

YABU not to tell us about the house mice

😂😂 I actually didn't notice the title until now.

Where do the mice feature in all this

I was expecting a different thread.

OP if he's boiling over and nagging then it must be really bad.

You have boxes. Do a box a day. Just one box. It'll whittle down eventually and if he sees it happening, he might stop.

Sorry not sure how to change typo in title. Any ideas?

One box a day is not enough.

Op is a hoarder.

This sounds like hoarding. And being badgered to throw your stuff away is likely to have the opposite effect. He needs to know this.

Can you find some common ground? Is there a 'spare room? Did you pack by room? If so, all boxes in there, roughly in groups of rooms, and door closed. Then you tackle a room. If you are missing things that should live in the living room and you want that space unpacked just tackle those boxes. Have a bag for the bin next to you and a bag for charity next to you. As you empty the boxes you're naturally sorting.

If there is stuff that he would like to throw away buy you'd like to keep, but really don't enhance the space, allow yourself one box. And keep all the cables and trinkets and cards and cracker presents from 2014 that fit in that box. Then you only have a fraction of problem boxes left and you've unpacked.

But op, if you recognise hoarding traits in yourself, the very best thing you can do is seek help.

This unpacking malarkey might be rough kn you. Be kind to yourself.

3 months off to declutter? That sounds like a serious level of hoarding and I’m not surprised your DH is frustrated if you won’t let him take control of the decluttering.

If you were my husband that would drive me insane, taking a load of clutter from an old house to a new one.

I'd have cleared it out myself by now.

I think hoarding isn't an absence of tidiness or a lack of sufficient Kondo-ism, it's a sign of deeper unhappiness or distress. Is there something unresolved for you, OP?

Presumably you have the essentials for everyday living out of boxes? If so take all the other boxes into a storage unit and then bring them back one at a time to sort out. If you have that much that needs decluttering you will need to get rid of between half and 90% of all your stuff. Just donate it and get to a new decluttered life as quickly as you can.

What a disappointment.... Not a mouse in sight...

DH wants you to tackle the boxes and declutter. DH needs to step up with childcare and household chores to give you the time to tackle those boxes. Will he?

Failing that get rid of DH and have the mice instead 🐭

I thought a hoarder is someone who likes to hold on to stuff. I don’t want to hold on to stuff other than a few select memorabilia. I want to have a nice orderly space. I just never had time or energy to sit at home on a mission to throw things away whilst the kids were growing up. The children never do any tidying or sorting either. I feel like I am expected to have been this amazing mum that keeps the house tidy at all times and I am just not. And I don’t want to lose my health over a house move either.

But if you get rid of things as you go along, you don’t need to go on a ‘mission’ to get rid of stuff.
Also, wouldn’t it have been just as easy to chuck stuff away pre move as it was to pack it all and move it to the new house?

As you have no time to declutter, why can’t your DH do it?
It reads like you feel you have to do it all by yourself.
If you are worried he might throw away something you need or are attached to, then have him put items to be removed from the house in a big tote somewhere in the house so you can have a peek when it’s full before the items disappear.

For bigger clear outs, don’t under estimate the power of 1 hour, you and DH can do 1 hr each weekend focussed on 1 room or closet. A large room or garage would take a months worth of weekends.

Then set up an annual cycle where you both spend a few weeks going through each room, all your clothes and such and declutter have a clear out.

This was the sentence for me that suggested hoarding…

On top of that I am terrible at throwing things away that could still be useful to someone else perhaps

Along with the fact that you said it would take 3 months to sort.

DH cannot do the decluttering as he has zero patience. That’s why he cannot come with any solution to this.

Are you really going to miss things you haven't seen in years? I'm going through something similar with my husband at the moment. He's been chucking stuff into the loft for the past decade (think empty boxes for electronics, ancient computers and phones, old pillows and duvets, offcuts of carpet which are too small to be useable). A lot of it came from his Mum over the years and she's since passed away, so there's all her 'could be useful one day' stuff as well as his to deal with. He'll 'sort through them one day' (which never happens) because let's face it, who wants to spend their day off going through boxes of crap and doing tip runs.

We now have no space to store things and find things which are actually useful like tools, decorating supplies etc. I constantly feel stressed from having to shift boxes and piles of junk around just to try to keep the house reasonably clean.

Obiviously, they'll be bits and pieces like photos, memoribilia etc which you'll want to keep, but realistically what percentage of the stuff would you say is that and how much is just junk that you could be rid of. Worst case scenario, you could buy it again in the future inexpensively if it turns out you made a mistake in getting rid of it?

@HugeDeal you had the energy to pack up all the clutter you bought with you. So it's doable.

My friend had a skip delivered. Everyone joined in the declutter marathon. Takeaway meal at night. Maybe a friend or relative can roll up their sleeves too.

The toys she put out with a help yourself sign. They vanished fast.

TLDR- moving house is shit and my mental health has taken a battering. Just do it OP. You will feel better 💐

We just moved house and my husband is a hoarder. I was a bit terrified. I hate clutter and I untidyness. He isn't untidy but he doesn't use space. He has cupboards jam packed of useless items just stuffed in.

He packed all his "stuff"
I make sure to keep it separate
He did thrown 90%of the rubbish away (literal rubbish he was hoarding old newspapers and jars etc)

He has designated areas for his stuff. Family areas are not for storage.

We threw away more when we got here.

You just need to unpack and chuck. Get a skip
Put the boxes in the correct rooms

Letting go of the emotion of it being a waste of money and forgiving yourself for financial mistakes is the key to this.

Keep one memory box per person of a size of your choice.

Declutter 10 items per day per room.

You can do this OP!

Moving house is the perfect opportunity to throw out/ sell/ gift all the stuff you don't need. Bringing it is a waste of time, money and space. Sounds like you're a bit of a hoarder.

Either way why did your dh not declutter before you moved if you find it difficult? Start by going through a box or two a week. Chances are if you haven't missed what's in the box (unless specifically seasonal) you don't need it.